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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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bestir Do you stay or go when living with a spouse who has bipolar
  • replies: 5

As it turns out my husband has had undiagnosed bipolar for quite sometime and eventually hit rock bottom on Friday threatening to commit suicide unless I came and got him. I ended up calling the cat team but because he was in a park they wouldnt atte... View more

As it turns out my husband has had undiagnosed bipolar for quite sometime and eventually hit rock bottom on Friday threatening to commit suicide unless I came and got him. I ended up calling the cat team but because he was in a park they wouldnt attend. I ended up organising a taxi to take him to his GP so that they could prescribe him with anti-depressants. He is not the man I married and it is so distressing seeing how he has become a shell of himself. I have two primary school kids and I just don't know what to do. The struggle I've gone through to get him to recognise how he behaves means he's sick and he really needs help. I've asked him to stay away until he's stable. We're meant to be going on our first overseas family holiday in 10 days. I haven't had the heart to tell my kids he won't be coming. I've had years of this up and down, crying, hitting himself, nights of no sleep/eating and then going to work for 15 hours at a time. I'm so exhausted by it all and it affects me deeply to the point I'm now having panic attacks. My mum wants me to leave him and thinks our marriage is over. I don't hate him, I just want him to be stable and calm so we can live with him. But what if this is how he is ongoing? Should I put my kids and I through this just to "prove" my love for him. I have no idea what to do. Am I a "bad" wife for leaving him and prioritising my children ahead of him? Is he safe to be around my kids alone if I do leave him? What do you do??

KJT Worried Wife
  • replies: 2

For the last three years (G) my husband, now aged 66, seems to have been suffering from panic attacks. We went through a rough and stressful time financially in a business, had to sell our home etc . We are now a lot more settled and sorted with anot... View more

For the last three years (G) my husband, now aged 66, seems to have been suffering from panic attacks. We went through a rough and stressful time financially in a business, had to sell our home etc . We are now a lot more settled and sorted with another home and now retired but I have seen him age and go downhill dramatically. It began with pain in all his joints, rheumatologist tested for everything but all he came up with was possibly gout. (G) has taken gout medication for years and also suffers from high blood pressure and lately reflux which can all be put down to the natural aging process. He keeps thinking there is something physically wrong with him because he doesn't feel well. He did have to have venesections (blood taken to reduce high ferritin/iron levels) twice. That is stable at the moment, doctor is monitoring it. Ecg's etc are all fine.Suddenly out of the blue, probably a few times a week, he has a "spin out" where he gets dizzy, feels like he can't breathe properly, sometimes chest pain, heart racing, blood pressure gets high, feels weak and sweats and shakes. Often a pain is A pain can be involved somewhere but often seems to be in a different spot. Sometimes he complains of "thumping" in his ears to the rhythm of his heartbeat or ringing in his ears, blocked ears and foggy head. Lying down is the only option.This often happens when I am away from home helping our daughter with her kids as she has her own small business. This is so upsetting and I feel so torn between helping her and being there for him. We talk a lot on the phone when I am away. Talking does seem to calm him.Doctor has him on medication daily. He seems to control the medication okay and only takes the other half if absolutely necessary.This all seems to be at a stalemate. Doctor keeps telling him he is healthy, that he must understand he can't do what he once found easy and he accepts that. These attacks are so random. Please, is there anything else can we do???????

mikmak Help for teenage sister with anxiety & depression living in unstable home environment
  • replies: 1

My sister (17) & I (20) have grown up in a very distressing home environment our mother is an emotional abusive alcoholic with severe issues & our father is constantly high, having fallen into a pattern of blindly following my mother so as to avoid h... View more

My sister (17) & I (20) have grown up in a very distressing home environment our mother is an emotional abusive alcoholic with severe issues & our father is constantly high, having fallen into a pattern of blindly following my mother so as to avoid her abusive tirades against him his blindness is so extreme that both my sister & I have experienced physical abuse at the hands of my father at the request of my mother Growing up my sister and I were embarrassed about our family issues and hid it from everyone We would have horrible abusive fights before walking into friends houses or school & then pretend like everything was fine When I was 18, I finished high school & moved out of home freeing myself. I left my sister behind (14) As a result she began to develop anxiety, refusing to get out of bed in the morning or go to school. The abuse from my parents intensified & to everyone else it looked as though my sister was being as my parents put it "a brat" For 2 years my sister struggled she received some respite when she was placed into boarding school (16) but this made my parents feel like they were loosing control over her & abuse intensified. This year my sister had her first suicide attempt, this caused a lot of family issues to come to light & for the first time my sister & I got acknowledgement for the abuse we suffered The problem we face now is that since being released from hospital the only place she has to go is back with is my parents, I live in a share house & have had her live there before but it did not work. We have tried to talk to her psychiatrist however he wants to see that she can maintain a stable living situation & says he is trying to help our parents with their issues As someone who experienced the abuse first hand & has to listen to her cry at 3am after a tough night, I know she needs to get out of there. Unfortunately we have no family. None, no uncles no aunties a few family friends but our mother is so unstable she would make things extremely difficult for someone trying to help us. She has in the past shown up at friends houses and yelled at them, making out that we were both spoilt brats etc Does anyone know of anyway that my sister can get some kind of financial support to find a permanent living situation close to me that works for her? Or any charities that provide support? I wish I could support her financially but I'm a full time student barely making ends meet myself. we're both starting to feel hopeless.

deals86 Depressed live-in Mother-in-Law
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, Firstly thanks for looking at my post. My mother-in-law has been living with us since she moved to Brisbane and has been medicated for depression, as well as many other things, for quite a number of years. She seems to be very aware of t... View more

Hi everyone, Firstly thanks for looking at my post. My mother-in-law has been living with us since she moved to Brisbane and has been medicated for depression, as well as many other things, for quite a number of years. She seems to be very aware of the fact she is depressed but won't do anything to help herself, and this seems to be a part of her personality. Her ex-husband died about 8 years ago from lung cancer and herself has early emphysema but refuses to quit smoking. My wife and her sister are horribly concerned for her health to the point where it puts a lot of stress on their lives. We were hoping moving in with us would help her out, but even trying to feed her good food gets refused, she just wants to eat toast a couple of times a day. My question is basically this, my wife is having a very hard time with her mothers attitude and really really wants her to improve but is frustrated by her inactivity. Does anyone have advice for us? I was very depressed in my early 20's but found the cause to be OCD triggered anxiety, and once I found out I did everything I could to get to a good place. I also don't understand her apparent knowledge of the problem but refusal to do anything about it. Thanks again.

Cornstarch Grieving Permanently Disabled Loved Ones
  • replies: 8

Mental illness occurs on a spectrum and so do the severity of symptoms from person to person. But it's really hard caring for someone that has a condition when there is zero chance of improvement like with schizophrenia. When I was little at times it... View more

Mental illness occurs on a spectrum and so do the severity of symptoms from person to person. But it's really hard caring for someone that has a condition when there is zero chance of improvement like with schizophrenia. When I was little at times it felt like living with a half animated corpse she was so unwell. It really is like grieving a death. To boot she is reduced to an economic unit of analysis, and conservative governments tell families that "love is enough" so we take the reins and they are absolved of all financial responsibility. But love isn't enough. I love my Mum to the moon and back and everyone keeps telling us that our love is enough. It's not. To re-charge their batteries people often go home, where as I have to stay away. I have to turn my phone off and pretend she doesn't exist, even if it's just for 48hrs otherwise I will lose my mind. Heavy hearts of sadness are really debilitating sometimes. Does anyone else care for a permanently disabled love one and has "despairing days".

K_Eli For the first time ever I'm truly scared - I think we are losing her
  • replies: 11

I've been awake all night worrying about my sister who has Bipolor Disorder. For the first time ever I am so scared. I feel like we are losing her. I wish I could take her pain away but I can't. Back story: My sister (43) has been living with Bipolar... View more

I've been awake all night worrying about my sister who has Bipolor Disorder. For the first time ever I am so scared. I feel like we are losing her. I wish I could take her pain away but I can't. Back story: My sister (43) has been living with Bipolar for approximately 20 years however was only really diagnosed 10 years ago. She is currently medicated although these have not been working for many years. She is highly educated and holds a double degree and has 2 teenage children (one with mild autism) She is extremely overweight (180+kg) and I feel like if her weight doesn't kill her then her Bipolar will. Me: I am 37 and we are the only 2 siblings in a divorced family. I am married with an 18 month old and 12 year old. I too am educated but feel so defeated tonight. Although I am the youngest I have always felt the oldest and take on the role of the fixer / problem solver. The turning point for my sister was about 5 years ago when she was involved is a serious accident which resulted in her having to reconstruct her ankle with plates and screws. She was in hospital and rehab for approximately 3 months. As result she now has chronic pain issues compounded by a recently torn ACL. She ceased working after her initial accident. She spiralled into a deep depression but hasn't come back. I don't know how to get her back. Tonight at a family birthday dinner she was in tears at the restaurant (not uncommon) but something just took over me that leaves me feeling so helpless. I honestly feel like we are losing the fight. She talked of running away and that she and the kids will be homeless very soon which is a real possibility. Actually it is inevitable. I don't know how to help her. I stated our action plan at the dinner which is on Monday I will contact our family GP, get her an appointment for that day and I will attend the appointment with her. We will discuss medication issues, psychiatric help her serious accommodation issues and general health. I just don't know what else to do. What if she can't hang on till Monday? Usually I feel reassured that we will get through it but tonight I just don't. I know my mum felt the same way. Something was just different about tonight. My heart is breaking for her Recently I dreamt that her life ended. This has I feel her mental health took a massive

page02 Confused about my partners depression
  • replies: 6

My partner of only two years suffers from depression which I confronted him about 18 months into our relationship as I knew he was different. I am fully understanding and said that I would support him through this. The problem is he won't seek medica... View more

My partner of only two years suffers from depression which I confronted him about 18 months into our relationship as I knew he was different. I am fully understanding and said that I would support him through this. The problem is he won't seek medical help even though I have offered to attend the appointment with him or just go with him to be a support. He told me he reached out in 2011 and no one cared, I have tried to tell him things have changed but can't seem to get him to see that. We don't live together because he tells me he is not ready and needs his own time. When we are together I hardly get boo from him but when he is with the blokes at the pub he is full of confidence which he tells me is a front. When he is in public he is full of confidence but behind closed doors people would see a different person just like I do. His life is chaotic. If am always the driver therefore he tends to have a few drinks and has no consideration for me when i venture out to the car because I have had enough. Most of our friends do not know he is suffering from depression and quite often ask me why I am with him as they see the hurt in my eyes. The problem is I love him but I am scared to leave him as I would feel terrible if something happened. In the two years we have been together I have never received a birthday card, gift, flowers or anything. I love home but just can't seem to leave him. There is a big age difference between us

glenda66 conversion disorder and bipolar
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone my name is Glenda and my partner has both conversion disorder and bipolar about 9 months ago he was diagnosed with bipolar and started treatment , and then in may this year we lost his dad and he went down hill from there and was then dia... View more

Hi everyone my name is Glenda and my partner has both conversion disorder and bipolar about 9 months ago he was diagnosed with bipolar and started treatment , and then in may this year we lost his dad and he went down hill from there and was then diagnosed with the conversion disorder , I want to know if there is a support group on line that I could belong to and get some short of help and advise .thi is real hard on all of us and I don't want to lose him

nocturnal Adult daughter living at home with worsening anxiety and depression need advice and help
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My current situation is that I have an 18 yr old daughter who will be turning 19 in a couple of weeks that I feel helpless with and am in desperate need of help and advice with. She first was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when she was... View more

Hi all, My current situation is that I have an 18 yr old daughter who will be turning 19 in a couple of weeks that I feel helpless with and am in desperate need of help and advice with. She first was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when she was around 12 yrs old and spent the next few years going first to a paediatrician then after that to a few psychologists over a period of around 3 years. She was on medication and after a while it became too difficult to her as she would go to her biological dads house and he would let her not take them. She then expressed how she didn't like herself and her face and body. Myself and my ex husband subsequently spent the next 2 years getting extensive orthodontic work done as we were fortunate enough to have the money at that time, in the hopes this would help her self esteem. Sadly it didn't. She wasn't able to function in mainstream school and went downhill with it all and started self harming at around 16. She stopped going to school as it was probably easier for her to hide rather than face people and social situations and eventually stopped speaking to friends which weren't in the first place as they were never there for her when she asked them. It was around this time I split up with my husband of 14 years. She then came to me one day and said she had heard about an alternative school which when I looked into also offered counselling once a week. Again I thought what a great opportunity and she was willing to go to the school. So we signed up I again was thinking positively and was trying to encourage her. It all started going down hill when she starting not being bothered to go and also didn't want to see the in school counsellor. She got a part time job and I thought this is awesome however she couldn't deal with the job and having to be social and subsequently quit. She stopped going to school all together and now had no job or income either. Since then she has gone downhill significantly spending all her time on the sofa and in her bedroom not speaking or seeing anyone. She wont go outside and has no desire to achieve anything.It is breaking my heart to watch and really destroying us as a family unit. She now can't even make a phone call without getting upset and angry and out of control with the anxiety. Please help I don't know where this path will lead for us all but I am worried as it has destroyed our life already and things desperately need to change.

Asha89 A Very New Relationship with Someone with Depression & Anxiety
  • replies: 5

Hi, I recently started seeing this amazing guy. We had a connection that was unlike anything i had ever experienced. I fell hard, fast (which is so unlike me!) & he seemed to as well. Telling me he loved me after having only seen each other a handful... View more

Hi, I recently started seeing this amazing guy. We had a connection that was unlike anything i had ever experienced. I fell hard, fast (which is so unlike me!) & he seemed to as well. Telling me he loved me after having only seen each other a handful of times. He has Depression & Anxiety & i suffer from Anxiety so this scared both of us as we haven't had the best experiences in the past. He has a lot going on in his life right now. I mean A LOT! I feel that us falling for each other as fast as we did brought up a lot of unresolved issues with his past & some of his present. He became distant and told me last week he had made an attempt on his life. He said he had distanced himself because he didn't want to burden me with his stuff. He said he needed some time to think and try to sort himself out. He's been through this before & i know he see's a counsellor. I trust him to take care of himself & i trust him to know what is right for him. My issue is that i don't know how to help. I told him i understand that he can't be in a relationship right now but that i wasn't going any where and that i would be here as a friend if he decided he needed me. I said i would touch base every now & then & that i was here anytime he wanted to reach out. I told him that if he didn't want me in his life or didn't want me to reach out to just tell me and i would respect that. The standard response has been that he isn't done, he doesn't know what he wants & that he's confused. He feels worthless right now & angry & just broken. He hasn't said that he wants me to keep reaching out or that he doesn't. He hasn't told me how he needs me to be with him through all this. I haven't heard anything at all from him for the past week. Do i keep trying to reach out & trust that no response means he wants me here but isn't ready to reach out yet? That he just needs time? Do people with depression tell you when they don't want you around? Or do i take his silence as him not wanting me in his life? Feeling that i may have been the straw that broke the camels back am i just making things worse for him by telling him that i'm here, that i'm thinking about him, that i'm grateful for the amazing man i know he is under this. Is this just putting pressure on him? I fully believe that people with Anxiety & Depression can get through anything with communication & treatment of course. But how do i know what's best when he doesn't want to or isn't able to communicate with me?