Challenges of Caring for bipolar partner

[Blue_wren]

Hi, my first post on this site. I committed my partner last week to a mental health clinic after discovering that he was about to try and end his life for the second time in a year. We had both been working so hard to make things better, but over the last month I saw subtle changes which continued his downward dark spiral. I had been taking days off work to be with him which seemed to help. One morning as I was about to leave for work some instinct told me not to go. His activity had ceased and he was reduced to lying on the couch. I asked him if he felt sad for himself and he said only just for others close to him. I said shall I get help and he said there is nobody to help, is there. It was the 'is there?' that gave hope so I rang a crisis line. He spoke to them and revealed his plan to end his life that day. Within 2 hours he was in care and seems to be improving. The sliding doors scenario haunts me. Now he wants to come home as he feels fine. The roller coaster will continue. Thanks for listening.

[SourceShield]

Hey Blue Wren,

I'm glad that your hubby has seen the appropriate help and assistance.

Your instincts were spot on.

Now, I really hope that you're taking good care of you too.

Living with a partner that has any kind of severe or intense mental health issue can be exactly as you've written, a roller coaster, and at times it feels that unlike the rides at Movie World, that we can get off, this ride goes on and on and on and on....

Don't forget that you must keep yourself safe and healthy too, okay?

I always remember the example that people use of when a plane is gonna going down, to always put your oxygen mask on first before your children or partner because you're no use to them dead!.

Make sure you have room to breathe in your life too...you're valuable and loved.

Services like BeyondBlue and others are here for all of us.

Stay in touch.

MuchLove

[Blue_wren]

Thank you for your thoughtful comments, it means a lot. I am doing ok - tougher than I thought 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi Blue Wren,

Welcome to the forum!

It is amazing that you instinctively knew something wasn't right that day, and took action immediately. Your partner is so fortunate to have your strong support. You saved his life! As SourceShield has astutely said, it is crucial that you also look after your own wellbeing. Here are tips about how to care for yourself when you are supporting someone with mental illness: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself (even though it refers to carers of those with anxiety and depression at the top of the page, this is generalizable to carers in general).

Make sure that your partner's doctor gives the all-clear for him to come home. Coming home too early, as you recognize, is concerning.

If you'd like to personally know more about bipolar, here is a great online resource. It is designed for bipolar sufferers to work through, but it has useful insights and info that could be valuable for you too: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=38

Thanks for your post!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[gld]

Hi Blue wren,

Great response to picking up the signs and having an open line of communication especially when your partner is unwell. It is not always easy when we get stressed and worried about our loved ones.

Your loved one is in the best place to get the help he needs to get back on track.

As both previous posts have mentioned it is important to get support for yourself and look after yourself as well. Next time you visit your partner ask staff if there are any supports you guys could access when he comes home.

Grab some me time while your partner is getting the support he needs.

Gen

[Blue_wren]

Hi again

My partner has been out on day release from hospital and he seems so much better. Talking of the future, getting exercise, working around the garden- all things that went missing before hospitalisation. However today he was upset with me for telling people that he is in hospital. When he first went in he didn't want me to tell anyone. After a couple of days I suggested that close family needed to know and he reluctantly agreed. I would have been a wreck if I couldn't talk to people. I still have to hold down a full time job, run a house and deal with my emotional instability so sharing my pain really helps me. I am always careful what I say to people and respect his need for privacy, but I was upset today that he couldn't understand my need to share the burden. I am still trying to deal with all of the hateful things he said to me last year before we both understood his illness. I have come to expect little support from him for my needs as he needs his energy to manage himself. I get that so I have to get support elsewhere. I hope it doesn't lead to more secrecy and skirting of the truth in our future conversations when he comes home. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[gld]

Hi Blue wren,

Just thought i could touch bases and see how you are feeling at present after Christmas and New Years. Holding on to hope your husband has improved after getting the care he needed and i hope you have accessed the support you have felt you needed.

Great news you husband is moving forward with his recovery.

I feel most people who feel they need to be private about mental illness fear the stigma of it all, which saddens me as it is what it is an illness like the flu. Hopefully all the programs and information out there is going to change people's understanding of mental illness improving society's perception on this topic.

I have no answers to your question of secrecy and skirting of the truth but i feel you have gained some insight of signs of his illness which is very helpful to have. It is always great to keep open form of communication on both sides to implement better coping skills for both of you.

My understanding of when someone is not well there are things said and done that could hurt us greatly but when they are stable it is important that you look after yourself and let them know that certain behaviours/actions have had an effect on you so you could move forward from them.

Keeping looking after yourself.

Gen