Caring for yourself

[Puppies]

Hi there,

I’ve recently been having difficulties with my long-term partner of 4 years. He deals with depression and anxiety. Over the last few months I’ve realised that I don’t know how to look after myself. When friends or family members tell me to take care of myself while things are being sorted, I always say that I will. But then when I’m having one of my down times where I overthink everything, I realise that I don’t know how to take care of myself. There are days when I wake up and instantly have bad thoughts about what’s going on, and then I don’t want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep.

What ways have you or people you know dealt with overthinking/anxiety? What methods do you use to feel better? And what would be considered self-care?

- puppies

[LeeA18]

Hi Puppies

I have a shower and just try and relax in there. I also use 'rescue remedy', which seems to help but I don't know if that's just my mind thinking that it is helping or if it actually works. I spray a little bit of lavendar spray in my bedroom and around my bed when I am feeling that way. I know that it is hard to eat when you are anxious but even just a piece of fruit will help. I find sitting out in the sun for a few minutes helps as well. I have started to do painting. I can't paint at all but I just find it relaxing. If you find something that helps get your mind off something, then do that. Crosswords, puzzles, beading, just to name a few. Although, if you are like me, I find that my mind can multi-task (lol) and I can sometimes paint at the same time as thinking.

These are just little things that I have been doing recently. I didn't know what self-care was either but slowly starting to get better and doing little things that help me move on. I read your previous post and there are a few of us on here where our partners have pushed us away due to depression/anxiety. It's a really hard time and all you can do is give them space, which you seem to be doing. But it can get really confusing for us, moreso when the anxiety starts to kick in. I am not with my partner anymore, which I am finding hard to deal with, but the little things like cooking up a weeks worth of dinners on Sunday was such a milestone for me as I lost my will to do much.

Take care!

[Puppies]

Hi LeeA18!

Thanks for your response. I will try implementing the things that you have said. I find that when I'm feeling down (usually when things are bad with my partner) that I literally have no motivation to do anything. And then as soon as I have a message from him or I feel that things are getting better, all my motivation comes back and i have a shower, clean my room, and do some study. I don't know why it affects me like that.

I love lavender, so I'll try using that. I do play lots of games on my phone, like crosswords, 2048bubble, words with friends, etc. and they relax me temporarily.

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with the separation from your partner. I hope that my partner comes around and figures out what is going on for him. I'm not sure whether he wants to be together or not. He says that he does, but then when we're apart again he seems to be confused and not sure of things. It's been dragging out for almost a month, and I just wish we could go back to normal so that we can figure out how to move forward together. I don't know what he wants.

I hope things get better for you soon

- puppies

[Doolhof]

Hi Puppies,

Sometimes it can be very difficult to find motivation! Lee has offered you some food suggestions. I find it is important to find simple things that you can do when you are struggling.

I sometimes make a list of things I could do and choose something from the list.

Sudoku puzzles work well for me and reading, as I can't do those activities and think negative thoughts at the same time!

Maybe if you Google or phone Relationships Australia they might be able to help you with ways to work on your relationship.

The Beyond Blue website has a lot of information about depression and understanding how to help someone who suffers from it. That might be helpful too!

When you are having a brighter moment during the day, you might like to make a list of things you can do that will help you to feel better about your day.

Some people find a simple affirmation reading is helpful.

All the best to you both, cheers from Dools