Almost ready to end a 25 year marriage to bipolar wife

[Dave00]

Sorry, bear with me, I’m new and I’m about to vent!

My wife has just disappeared again. This is the fourth time she’s done it in our marriage. I have no idea where she is, her phone is off and I am a mess. I am also sick of it. My stomach hurts. It’s like I swallowed a bucket of sand.

I have given this woman everything, sacrificed everything for her, and the only reason I wake up is to make sure she takes her meds, eats, gets dressed, makes it to her support appointments etc. etc. etc. I have no friends, no contact with any of my siblings or other family except by text or email, simply because i have come to realise over the years that anything that takes my focus away from her stresses her and sends her into either a high or low.

I threw in a well paying job to look after her full time with the support of our government, in 2003, when she became too unwell to remain by herself for any length of time. Her swings are such that she can become catatonic with her downs, to swinging from the light socket speaking gibberish with her highs, and no I’m not exaggerating. I have to adjust my personality/mood to suit. It’s getting harder as the years go by and I find myself becoming very distant with her highs because of her demanding ways, and dottingly protective with her lows because she often can’t function. I no longer know how to hold a conversation with anybody, and I am fast running out of any inclination to do so.

i know that leaving now would be the best thing I could do BUT I know I probably won’t bcause I know she will not cope ... that is after she gets over this latest episode, which will probably be after month long hospital stay ...if she makes it to hospital.

I’m a wreck and I have no idea what to do apart from annoy the readers on this forum.

[quirkywords]

Dave000

Welcome to the forum and well done for starting this thread which can be hard to tell strangesr how you feel and about your life.

Firstly I have had bipolar for over 40 years and been stable through medication for over 30 years.

know relationships hard even when stable and I am on my 3rd .

You probably know this but you do need to look after yourself as all this caring for your wife has taken its toll on you.

So she take her medication with your help and still has wild extremes of mood?

Have you looked at black Dog institute website as they have information on living with someone with bipolar.

Have you spoken to a doctor about how you are feeling?

There is a thread this bipolar life full of supportive people where you are welcome to come and browse and post if you want to.

Quirky

[Dave00]

Thanks for the reply. Although I do appreciate it, this response is exactly what I expected.

Update: my wife was found at an airport terminal, confused and totally off her face. I am now nursing a zombie at home because of the extra medication I have her on BECAUSE the hospital system makes it almost impossible to admit someone that has such “high quality” support.

I won’t post here again and to be honest I feel like a complete idiot for even putting myself out there, which is similar to how many, many visits to professionals have made me feel over the years when trying to portray my situation.

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi Dave00,

I'd like to join Quirky in welcoming you here to these safe and non-judgemental forums, we are so glad that you have shown your strength in reaching out. We're really sorry to hear what you're going through, but please know that our community is here to support you through this.

It sounds like things are incredibly stressful at the moment, and it's important that you also have some support for yourself through this. It must have felt really disheartening to not feel heard when you've reached out to professionals in the past, but we hope that you might try again. We know it can be a really difficult thing to do, but sometimes another counsellor can have a different affect. 

If you feel that it would be helpful to talk through these feelings and experiences, please feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals to help you through this.

Our friends at MensLine Australia might also be able to offer some great support and are available 24/7 through phone and online chat. You can contact them anytime on 1300 78 99 78 or visit: https://mensline.org.au/

If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you. We know that it takes a lot of courage to reach out, and it is so important that you have done so here. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort, we're all here for you.

 

[Guest_1643]

Hey Dave

you are worth being listened to.
Your situation is extremely extremely hard and you are worth it

You dont have to post here it's completely voluntary and it's fine to post once or twice and leave

but if you want to post at any time no one will think anything less of you

we are all struggling in various ways and i relate to what you are going through of wanting to leave but going back many times

Sounds like you are on the verge of making a change maybe

I hope you are okay