Advice needed regarding depressed ex/friend

[Sparkle_Joy]

The guy who I've been seeing for the past 6 months has recently told me that he needs time to sort himself out. He told me that he does like me and cares about me but if he's not 100% then he cannot treat me or us as 100%. We've gone from speaking about everything little thing every single day to barely speaking at all over the period of 1-2 months. We caught up a couple of weeks ago but I feel like it was only because it suited him. Every time I've tried to make the effort to catch up he hasn't wanted to see me. He's recently told me that he's been feeling down and thinking of going to see a doctor to at least get blood tests done which to me is a great start. I want to be there to support him...even if it is just as a friend. But at the same time I myself have had an ongoing issue with anxiety and depression so I don't want him pushing me away to be a detriment on my own health. I have explained this to him but am struggling to get an actual answer. I'd hate to lose him all together so any advice would be greatly appreciated 

[Paul]

Hi Sparkle_Joy,

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums, I'm glad you've reached out. It seems like a painful situation trying to help your ex who you feel is a friend, but he is drifting away.

The worst part of this is the reality that you must look after yourself. Even at the expense of moving back from your friendship with him, YOUR health is paramount to you. If he does continue to back away, how will you maintain your own health? Is it time to visit your Dr and have a chat?

It's so difficult to know whether feeling down is the cause of him moving away or whether it's just something that is happening because of other reasons. Hey, he might see a Dr and start a chat with a psychologist or counsellor and come back, I get the feeling it's a big unknown at the moment.

The only thing that is in your control is to stay well and be there if he sings out. If he doesn't, then stay well and have a chat with your Dr in the mean time.

I do hope things work out, relationship issues can be so powerfully upsetting.

Stay in touch Sparkle_Joy, let us know how things go.

Paul xx

[Sparkle_Joy]

Thanks for your advice Paul. He's recently told me over the past few days that he's been catching up with his ex girlfriend again. He started feeling down when he was with her and they were on and off again for three years. So I think it's a more comfortable situation for him to be in at the moment and not really one I should nor want to be part of. He's told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or her but I've made it clear that I'm no one's second choice...even though he's not himself at the moment. I'm sure if he really wants to contact me for help or anything else that he will. I think I've invested too much and energy into this so it's time to take a step back and let everything work itself out