Trigger warning. Just venting

[redtornado]

I’m sorry but I’m really tired and exhausted with my mental health. 

I feel like society doesn’t accept men that can go through a mental health issue. 

I’ve been down for so many years and the only thing keeping me alive is my son who has autism and needs me to make it in life. 

I don’t have anyone to support me, my wife and I fight over the smallest of things so why would I say how I truely feel? My friends, family, colleagues are all not there for me. 

I put on a brave face and have even convinced health professionals I’m ok but deep down I’m not. I’m just really down and want this to end. 

I’m not posting this for recognition or help, I just want to get this off my chest. 

I think we as society need to take mental health more seriously and our government need to pay more attention than this strategy to just refer to community health and hope the problem goes away by putting their head in the sand. 

If you’re like I was 12 months ago, please reach out to somone privately, the public system fails at so many points. 

If you feel like me now and have connections please be honest with how you feel. 

I’m just tired and exhausted but hopefully tomorrow I wake up and just get on with life which is what every one expects. 

Take care

[redtornado]

Sorry I forgot to mention I’m safe and wouldn’t do anything I’m just venting

[therising]

Hi redtornado

I feel for you so deeply as you face 'getting on with life', something that's far from easy to do when the support and understanding just isn't there in the way you need it to be. I'm a gal who's come to find certain people to be highly questionable, bordering on kind of insane at times. You know those people who actually dictate 'You just need to get on with life' and when you ask them how to do it they give you insane response of 'I don't know' (yep, thanks for that) or 'Stop thinking and questioning so much' or 'You just need to smile more often' or 'You just have to stop being so sensitive'. To all that I say 'I am a natural questioner/analyst/philosopher, seeking answers and a new perspective and philosophy that will serve me. I can easily smile yet what I feel or don't feel behind that smile is the issue. My sensitivity is not the problem, for how can sensing depressing dismissive people be a problem when it's telling me the nature of the person I'm facing'.

With your son being on the spectrum, I imagine he has many abilities that many who know him perhaps don't fully recognise. Does he have the ability to 'tell it how it is' without thinking getting in the way or the ability to access his imagination to the point of pure brilliance or maybe the ability to self sooth. While mainstream society may see these traits as 'rude', 'unfocused' and 'some weird rocking thing', the truth remains emotional detachment is something to be mastered because we need to not feel at times (esp when managing narcissists), the imagination is key to change (being able to see the way forward in our mind or escape from reality for some natural relief) and self soothing without alcohol or drugs is a skill to be admired, not degraded. Can you believe people actually pay to learn from a Yoga master how to hum and rock themself into a state of peace, whereas others are naturals at it.

Your son is blessed to have a dad who loves him enough to live for him. Now that is true love.

[redtornado]

Thankyou therising, I’ve read your reply a few times and wow I’m just so appreciative for your kind words. 

My son is mostly non verbal but very much tells it how it is and I love him for that.

Thankyou again for your reply you’ve made my day and when I do feel better I’ll pay it back to the community just as you’ve done for me today. 

Take care

[Junior1962]

I want to wrap my arms around you and make you feel safe.

I know the pain of depression. I almost left this world just a few months ago. The public health system did help me but now I’m going to a private psychologist to work on the deeper stuff. 
I also have a son with autism. He has been my reason for being on more than one occasion  over the years - so I hear you. It’s good to have a purpose. 
Reaching out to people online is a good thing to do. You can be anonymous yet share your pain. It’s always good to know that you’re not alone. 
I wish you all the very best 

[therising]

Hi redtornado

Going back some years, I worked with largely non verbal adults. In the field we were taught 'All behaviour is a form of communication', something that really stuck with me. Bang on, it's so true. I think we've become conditioned to rely too heavily on verbal communication, which has dulled our other senses to communication. I imagine, with having to develop ways of reading what your son's communicating to you, you've become a pretty good reader of other people's non verbal communication. I find it fascinating, reading human nature. I smile when I think of the following example: Can recall asking my husband a question, to which he responded with a definite 'Yes', as he ever so slightly shrugged his shoulders. I said to him 'I take it you're not sure' (having just read the shoulder shrug). He said 'Of course I'm sure...actually, I'm not sure...actually, I've got no idea'.

I can't help but wonder whether your son's sensitive to sound. I feel so deeply for some people on the spectrum who are so sensitive in this way. While it can take a fair bit to trigger me, sound-wise, I can feel volume. Sitting outside in 'peace and quite', I can feel the tv turned up inside the house, the neighbour's whipper snipper, another neighbour's lawn mower, the dog over the road barking, a light plane flying overhead, all at once. It's the volume or amount of sound that leads my nervous system to scream. To feel the energy of sound so easily would be a daily challenge in life, esp with the world having become so overwhelmingly noisy.

If your son is sensitive to sound, I can help but wonder what his gift is. Is he perhaps a born musician of some description, even if it's just dabbling in music? Maybe he's born to work in nature, with a lot of natural sounds. With my dad diagnosed very late in life as being on the spectrum, looking back he was always very sensitive to sound. While it appeared as a problem, I eventually found out he came from a long line of musicians that went way back, yet wasn't one himself. As an absolute lover of classical music and the feelings such music invokes in him, I wonder whether he's lived for decades with an unfulfilled potential to play an instrument he'd always had an ear for.