Tired of moving forward with life
I will start with my diagnosis I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, C-PTSD, Autism Level 2 and ADD.
I'm 33 years old and I've been battling a hard life for a very long time.
I'm tired of trying with my life honestly.
I advocate for myself because nobody else wants to do it for me it's honestly so mentally draining I just want to scream in frustration.
I have many professional support networks around me I have a pyschotherapist, the community mental health team, a drug and alcohol worker and various other organisations and people I see.
I have NDIS support however they can't really do much for me I have support workers that take me out but I still feel loneliness.
I have no real friends so I'm basically socially isolated I've tried very hard to make friends I have joined many groups but I failed to make long lasting friendships nobody is interested in being my friend it doesn't matter what I do nobody seems to like me.
I am also having issues with department of housing with my neighbours housing don't want to take any action I've made many complaints and what not and nothing gets done so it causes me a great deal of mental stress to the point of breaking down in tears.
I honestly feel like I don't belong in this world I've tried many helplines beyond blue, lifeline, sane,NSW mental health line, suicide callback service and nobody seems to listen.
I've even been up to the local triage and assessment centre up at my local hospital for help and nobody takes me seriously.
I feel like I don't belong in society or this world I'm trying really hard and I can't seem to hang on.
The suicidal thoughts have become worse.
Welcome to the Forum, a bit of a different place to come to as here you will meet people who have themselves experienced hard times and wish to ease others through similar journeys.
Life has certainly handed you a very hard time and it is not surprising you are feeling despair. You have already reached out to all the usual places one goes to for assistance. Obviously, they are not providing you with what you need.
Add to that isolation despite your attempts to make friends and hassles with your neighbors and it is easy to understand how you can feel things are pointless
Although my problems were very different from yours, I suspect I felt much the same way as you, and in fact did try to take my life more than once. Then one of the things I found most helpful came from inside me.
I tried to do the things that I’d enjoyed, or at least distracted me. A specific song, a chapter from a favorite book, just getting out of the house where all the walls seemed to echo back all the dark times. No doubt your list would be very different from mine.
When really down I found I’d no brain capacity left to make decisions -my mind was already completely full of the dark and hopeless thoughts put their by my depression. I found the free smartphone app Beyond Now ideal as I could put the list in it and later when in need just reach for my phone -no brain-power used.
I did find choosing that list hard as I had difficulty remembering, however talking to friends reminded me of what I’d enjoyed. Maybe there is someone in your life who might be able to help with that.
I know this is not a complete ‘fix, but maybe it might help take the edge off at times.
I’d welcome it if you wanted to talk some more
A doctor once asked a patient DO you want to end your life or do you want to stop the suffering? I think its a subtle distinction but an important one. I think most people would agree they want to end the struggles, they just don't know how. In times of despair it seems that suicide is the obvious choice. But there are other options which at the time seem to elude us. Not all problems can be solved today, but over days and weeks they can be addressed.