I feel sick
Something bad happened today, someone was hurt. I heard it happen but I didn’t see it. And I’ve been so stressed at work and I’m so sad. I feel like I mess everything up, like in this horrible awful waste of everything. I wish it happened to me, that something would just happen to me
That sounds really stressful. I hope you are ok. Sometimes we can blame ourselves and feel worthless. I have been struggling with extreme feelings of worthlessness myself and feeling sick with it also. I think it’s really important to know this is a transitory state and you won’t feel awful forever. Also, the fact you feel strongly shows that you care, and a caring person is a good person.
With whatever you heard that has affected you, it could help to reach out to a helpline such as Beyond Blue, Lifeline or Suicide Call Back Service. Just debriefing with another human being can often help to alleviate some of the intense emotions. You only have to share what you want to, but simply engaging with another human can help to emotionally regulate and feel a bit more grounded. I’m not sure if you have access to any counselling support, but that could help to to process what you’ve experienced. But also just calling a friend, someone you trust and feel comfortable with, can be a great help.
I am happy to chat if you want to. I’m in the midst of my own anxiety and challenging emotions at present, so I can relate to the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. When all feels overwhelming I’m finding there is a small voice within that knows what to do intuitively and it’s often just listening in to that intuition that you find the part of yourself that knows how to take care of yourself. Talking with others you feel comfortable with can help to strengthen the part of you that can take care of you, if that makes sense? It’s like co-regulation with another helps to emotionally regulate yourself.
Take care and happy to chat if you want to. Try not to be hard on yourself. You are a good person.
Thank you so much for replying to me, I was feeling very upset and lonely last night but I’m feeling a bit better today. Just very tired and sad and a bit stressed.
I wish I could trust my intuition but I have a tendency to ignore things and pretend things are fine when they’re really not, then it sends me into huge spirals. I cut people off and don’t eat or sleep or do anything. Well I guess I do know what I need to do I just forget or don’t do it. What you said about regulating emotions definitely resonated as I feel very deregulated.
Thanks especially for taking the time to reply, you are so supportive. Especially going through your own struggles right now too, I did just see your post too and I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling anxiety and emotions. How are you feeling now, you have an appointment with a psych (tomorrow?) and a counsellor?
I know exactly what you mean about overriding intuition and then going into huge spirals. I also have spent much of my life pretending things are fine. I’m finding that telling the right people when things are not fine is so important, but they do need to be people who are sensitive, caring and understanding. Support lines can be very helpful. I just had a very helpful, validating and grounding conversation with someone on the suicide callback service. So while I went into a spiral earlier today I am doing a lot better and more stabilised now. And, yes, I am seeing my psychologist tomorrow.
I’m glad you are feeling a bit better and it is really good you reached out here. Take care and reach out whenever you feel the need.