Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[IchigoMaya]

The only things keeping me here is;
1. My job - Currently the only one capable of doing this job where I live, and I don't want to burden the company until they find a suitable replacement.
2. Fear - The fear of failing to end my life, and then having to explain to people why I attempted it when no one knows that I'm constantly battling against suicidal thoughts in the first place.
3. Home Loan - My parents started a home loan for me to start my future, so I don't want them taking on the repayments for me.
4. My Family - I know how much of a burden I'll be if I did end my life and I don't want them to have to shoulder the pain and the costs of my own selfishness.
5. A Dog - The hopes that I'll one day be able to finally own a dog (There are no dogs where I live, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to convince my local government to allow me to bring in a dog).

[Chloe_M]

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Hi IchigoMaya

I haven't seen you around before and your post count is low, I'm guessing you're new? So, welcome!

Your list is full of great reasons not to end your life. But i'm interested in your second one- fear.

I tried to take my life earlier this year. I won't go into details about how and what and why, but when i woke up, i was still home alone (mum wasn't back from work yet, i'd just come home from school when i tried). Thinking back, I was so sure that this was the end, that my plan would work. Obviously it didn't. And I'm very lucky that I was alone, and that I didn't have to explain why.

If i tried again (and believe me i want to, frequently) then this fear would rule over me. It is what has stopped me trying again.

I'm here, as are others, if you want to talk to someone

take care of yourself... if ever you feel like i do, think of those people and things and hopes and dreams on your list. Love may shut you down and make you feel like crap sometimes, but in the end, its what keeps you going.

x chloe

[Zazu]

My partner. My dogs.

That tiny bit of hope that this isn't how it will always be.

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone..

Please don't loose hope that's in your heart,

Find your hope then hold it don't ever let it depart,

When everything just doesn't go right

When your life's dark and there is no light,

Remember to dig hope up from your heart,

That's when hope will make all darkness depart,

Every new day there a great new sunshine

It's your brand new day, now your life will shine

Hold

On

Please

Every one..

We all have, find it from inside your heart, grab hold of hope and never, ever let it go...

Grandy🌹..xx

[TEWA]

My cats; cliche but true. I adopted them and they’re both high anxiety due to their previous lives, so no one else would want them, and therefore I need to be here for them.

[Downhill_daisy]

My teenager - soon she'll be independent.

Nothing else.

[Downhill_daisy]

Hey Tewa

Sounds like your cats are very lucky to have your love and dedication.

[Guest_1055]

What is keeping me here....

The thought of bringing sorrow and pain to my sister, if I chose to end my life. I could never do that.

The thought of hurting my son.

The thought that one day I might truly experience being alive in the fullest sense rather then the feeling of just existence. I have tasted that before, so I know it is possible.

[White_Rose]

Dear Stillme

Hello and welcome to beyondblue. I am presuming that two posts means you are a newbie. So sorry no has welcomed you earlier.

Gosh, what a lot of points you have raised. I think the lack of support fuelled by a lack of knowledge is the single most important facet of any mental illness. It's hardly surprising that our thoughts turn to suicide because of the pain we go through. Having no one or very few people to support you makes it a difficult journey. Learning by doing it tough is most certainly not the best.

So many people are restrained by thoughts of their family and how much they would suffer. Family and friends are going to pass away from 'natural causes' and we do grieve for them. Grieving for someone who has died by suicide is much harder. Sadly so often those left behind have no idea what prompted the suicide. And/or they feel guilty because they did not notice/paid no attention/assumed the person would get well on their own etc. So much suffering.

I am glad you have sufficient strength to stay with us. I know from my own experience how hard it can be and how devastated I felt trying to take my life and realising how much I had hurt my family. I think that will stay with me all my life. I feel ashamed and yet we do not get the help or know where to get help when we are at such a low point.

Thanks for your post.

Mary

[Downhill_daisy]

Yes, causing pain and sorrow to others would be a good reason to hang around......particularly if they are close family or friends.

How long have you felt that just existing feeling. When was the time you felt engaged in life and what was good then?