This a hard forum to read but I'm glad you started it, thanks.
I stay for my kids, only them. I know my youngest is prone to BD like me, and I can't bear the thought of them not having a mum. This disorder is hard, it's stigmatising still and misunderstood. My energy levels are so variable, I lost (quit) an excellent lecturing position last year when I was severely manic (and then diagnosed). I was misdiagnosed at emergency presentation about a decade ago, I feel the disorder has established pretty chronic cycles during that time frame. My broader family don't seen to get it, they seem scared to really get into the crux of it, talk about it. I have friends but they have lives too. I have given up at the moment of working professionally again right now, I am just trying to survive and be a good mum, which I am. Medications don't agree with me as I found out I have another gene abnormality which makes medications harder for me to process. In saying that, I think I'm about to go back on a medication. I have cared for people all my life, within my family & friends & professionally, and gee I've never felt so alone, stigmatised, worthless. I've been really shocked at how poorly my loved ones deal with it. I feel so tired. I'm trying to do some more study atm, to commit to something but I'm frustrated by that too, my intelligence is something I've always valued dearly but my brain's energy & functional ability just fluctuate so much now, I just feel like I'm living as a shell of myself. Sorry, this is a negative post and not uplifting like some of the others.
I stay for my kids. When I am well I love life, nature, music, all of it.
