Suicidal 17yr old son

[TerrifiedMumma]

My son has recently been diagnosed with extreme depression & extreme anxiety.
I am doing everything I can to be there for him. He is a great kid, never been into any real trouble. Has an apprenticeship, a car & a loving family.
We are seing a psychologist for the first time today. Doc has put him on an antidepressant.
He says he has several plans to kill himself but is worried they wont work or will hurt. I do not know what these plans are.
I cannot help but be absolutely terrified wondering if today is the day he decides to do it.

[Aaronsis]

Welcome to the forum TerrifiedMumma

While I cannot say how you feel, I know somewhat of how you are feeling. I am so very sorry that your son is having these thoughts and that he has made or is making plans to take his life. I have no idea the pain and the fear that would cause as a parent, I think the worst kind ever.

The great news is he has you, you care and you are doing so much for him and giving him support, this is so wonderful and I am so pleased he has you and is talking. I hope that you are getting some support for yourself too as it is not easy to support a person who is suffering with ill mental health, let alone it be your son who has these thoughts of suicide.

I am no therapist, just a person who has lost a loved one to suicide and just a person who cares very much. I am wondering if you can try and change the angle that you are approaching him with to be more of a "listening" and "supporting" role rather than a "fixing role"? The reason I say that, and this is once again just my opinion and my view point only, is that I feel like he is more likely to talk when you listen rather than when you ask. By beating yourself up everyday with trying to find out "what is wrong" and "what are your plans" to more of a "what can I do for you today?" "what do you need from me right now?" type of approach. This allows his to talk freely and to maybe say things he would not offer if you said "why are you crying right now?" it also allows him to share with you what he does need at that moment and maybe not what you think he needs. He may say nothing, he may just want you to sit with him, he may say any number of things but at least it is what he wants.

I am so very very sorry your family is going through this as it must just be horrific, but I am so happy to read that you are in this together and you have a loving family, this will help him and help you all. Keep talking but mostly keep listening.

We are here for you, and for him too if he ever wanted to start a thread to get some support or have someone to listen and share with, it is a caring and warm place and I am so happy you have reached out today.

I hope to chat to you some more and hope we can help you in managing, coping and supporting your son.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[White_Rose]

Dear TerrifiedMumma

Hello and welcome to the forum. It's good you have found your way here and told us your story.

Sarah has given you some very good advice about listening and I want to add my voice to hers.

You may find it useful to continue posting in here to get support for yourself while you support your son. I hope you will post in again.

Mary

[white knight]

Hi Terrified Mumma

Well you have had two very caring and wonderful ladies to point you in a direction. Listening is a big part of the changes some have to make in order to get results.

Men, yes he isnt quite one but will think as a male, do take exception to how they are approached. Mums and females generally get adverse reaction at times even though they clearly haven't done wrong. So it isnt easy for females to pin point what was said that is taken negatively.

In the following thread this is highlighted- how to approach a man. It is, of course, based on how I'd like to be approached and I am the most sensitive male in the universe!!. The thread is more about husband and wife but you might get some ideas.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/man's-disease-thinking-more-than-one-thing-at-a-time#qgk6fHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

None of this nor the above champs replies mean you are at fault. It merely suggests ideas that might just help.

I've had my brother and an uncle take their lives. My sister and I made attempts. I will never venture down that path again. Your son has reason to worry about injury and the lifelong suffering he could inadvertently end up with.

I have another thread that explains my methods to avoid ever going to that dark place again.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-d...

I dont know if you think your son will benefit from reading such a thread also. The concept is- I'll do anything, to avoid going down that path of suicide thoughts and plans. I also keep in mind my family and how they'd suffer endlessly.

I hope your son settles down. Even so, you are always welcome to continue on with your post as an ongoing chat whenever you feel like it.

TonyWK