Hi 30mlHandSanitiser
I feel for you so deeply as you struggle so much with the truly horrible challenges that come with depression. So glad you're a part of this community. The warmest of welcomes to you.
A depressing challenge within already existing depression is definitely a double whammy. I've found these to be the toughest times in depression, the kind that really wear a person down while prompting the internal dialogue to become even worse.
Tiny bit of background, so you know where I'm coming from: I'm a 51yo gal who left 15 or so years of chronic depression behind me about 16 years ago. In the last 16 years, I've struggled with being on the brink of depression a number of times while also having found myself a little ways into it on occasion. The desperation to never return to long term depression is what's led me to manage life the way I do. Looking back, I'd say I have dozens of triggers for depression, therefor I have no choice but to come to recognise, understand and manage them.
While falling behind on your uni work is an obvious depressing trigger, I'm wondering if you've considered investigating less obvious ones. For example
A mind based one: With us being comprised of so many facets, such as 'The people pleaser', 'the analyst', 'the victim', 'the student' who thrives on gaining knowledge, 'The wonderer' who wonders about pretty much anything, 'the commander' who commands 'Get your s*** together!' and so many more, I think sometimes it becomes a matter of picking the dominating aspects that are in play. I think 'the critic' can be most brutal
Physical factors: The lacking chemistry/chemical reactions that can contribute to depression can also be brutal, such as with a lack of dopamine and serotonin. Iron, b12 and thyroid deficiency issues also don't help matters. Blood tests can help eliminate some of the usual suspects. Sleep deprivation issues, like sleep apnea, can be a suspect too
A natural factor: Being able to feel where we're at, at any given time can be both a gift and a curse. Being able to feel a depressing lack of energy, lack of positive chemistry, lack of inspiration from people, lack of solid direction/guidance/vision, lack of constructive internal dialogue etc can be like a form of torture at times
Sounds strange but if you're a natural born feeler and you've been challenged by a number of depressing factors throughout life, I imagine you would have felt every single one of them, whether you were aware of them or not.
