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Am I suicidal?

400MRUNNER
Community Member

Hi,

Lately, I have just been hating life. I guess that I have got to the point where it I want the pain to end, but I don't want to kill myself, I just want it to be over, if this makes sense. Most of the time I feel hopeless, and am losing enjoyment in things that I used to love. I often feel that I am just letting everyone down, and that no one would actually care if one day I just didn't wake up. I am confused that this may mean that I am suicidal.

I have anxiety and depression and a couple of phobias, which make it really hard to live my life. I feel like there is kind off no point keeping on going, like I have no future and am not going anywhere in life. School at the moment is really bad, and it is making me feel worse about myself. There are days when I just spiral into despair, feel like this is never going to end. My parents try to help, but most of the time I just feel alone as they don't really understand what I am going through. To be honest, I don't understand what I am going through either.

Thanks for reading this 🙂

400MRUNNER

6 Replies 6

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi 400RUNNER,

Wellcome to our forums.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I'm glad that your parents are trying to help you, have you spoken to a gp about the way you are currently feeling?

I understand that anxiety and depression can be hard to deal with and also phobias but there really is light at the end of the tunnel. if you receive the correct professional help life can get so much better for you.

I'm sorry that school is really bad for you at the moment, things can get better.

I have a lived experience of sever anxiety OCD this condition was very challenging to endure but after receiving the correct professional help I have recovered and you can recover from what you are experiencing too.

We are here to support you.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello 400RUNNER, I'm also so very sorry you are feeling like this, and to answer your question, no, it doesn't necessarily mean this at all, but this doesn't take away all the pain you suffering from, and yes you are entitled to want to be better, that's totally understandable.

The reason why you feel as though you are letting everyone down, is because that's what this illness is telling you, and to be able to understand all of this requires help from those who are able to help you, because with anxiety, depression and these phobias makes your life difficult to know where to start.

If you are at school then you can ring Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online 24/7 and be connected with a counsellor who can identify these problems.

If this anxiety and phobias are creating trouble, then you may also suffer from 'intrusive thoughts', which are worries that continually go through your mind and cause great concern.

If this is happening then please get back to us as I too have these thoughts.

Geoff.

400MRUNNER
Community Member
Hi Geoff, thanks for your insight. Yes I do have intrusive thoughts that can be quite distressing sometimes.

Hello 400MRUNNER, intrusive thoughts are caused by having anxiety and they are thoughts that you certainly don't want to do, but they keep plaguing your mind and are triggered by certain events that may relate to these thoughts.

Before we can talk further can you type in 'intrusive thoughts' in your search bar and read as many comments as you like, then please ask me any question you like.

I'm about to log off as I start at midnight, but will go searching for this thread when I'm on first thing in the morning, this will give you time to gather your thoughts.

Thanks for being available.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi 400MRUNNER,

I also just wanted to say that I agree with Geoff that just by having these thoughts doesn't mean you are suicidal.

In my lived experience of severe anxiety OCD I was consumed by horrible distressing intrusive thoughts some were of suicide and some where of others that I found very distressing.

I didn't want to act out these thoughts but just by having these thoughts made me very distressed.

You may be suicidal and not want to believe it.

Seek help mate and everyone here will support you.