My heart goes out to you so much as you're trying to work through so many challenges, more than the people around you may imagine. While our collective challenges can sometimes feel like a high powered swirling dark tornado, I think it's not until we slow that tornado down and pull each challenge out one by one that we realise just how much we are actually trying to deal with.
For a start, you've lost structure. I've found that with a work/life structure, the amount of hours I work is what pushes me or motivates me to fit other things into life that need doing. For example, the washing has to be done on a day off work. I have to establish a waking time, in order to fit breakfast in between that time and the time I go to work. The list goes on. Without work, most of my time is 'free' time. With free time, there's no solid time structure and we can definitely get lost in such a lack of structure. I found this to be the case when I took 18 months off paid work some years back.
Another factor can come down to just how much we're fueled or motivated through dopamine. With a significant lack of it, we can lose motivation, lose the feeling of life running through us, lose sight of things to look forward to and so on. How pain interferes with dopamine production is perhaps something worth researching.
Speaking of researching or studying something, one of the suggestions offered to you for managing the way forward, sometimes advice or guidance can be so vague to the point where it offers zero sense of direction or inspiration. I say give me something I can sense or feel, give me the kind of guidance that gets me excited. This is where the Goldilocks vibe comes into play. If someone was to say to me 'Make small plans', I wouldn't feel even an ounce of excitement. It's empty advice. With that Goldilocks story being about 'Too hard, to soft, just right', 'Too hot, too cold, just right', I've found advice or guidance works the same way, from the perspective of feeling. Taking small plans into account: 'Wash the dishes' (too boring), 'Get the car serviced' (too stressful), 'Plant tomato bushes in the back yard' (feels just right). They're all small plans but I want the one that's going to trigger a feeling or sense of inspiration. 'Study psychology' (too much), 'Study astrology' (too boring, for me personally), 'Study emotion or energy in motion from a soulful or natural perspective, with a bit of quantum physics thrown in' (just right, I love it). If a plan is vague, and we're good at feeling, we'll feel the vagueness or emptiness of that plan. Not our fault we can feel that. The ability to sense the vagueness is technically an ability, not a fault. As I say 'Gimme something I can feel'. When we can feel or sense our guides not actually guiding us in the ways we need them to, it's time to find a new guide. Personally, I'm a gal who can't tolerate the feeling of 'Lost and alone with no sense of solid direction'. After some time, it just becomes depressing, turning into 'Lost and alone in the darkness with no sense of solid direction'. The best guides help light the way.
