Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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life moves too quick, i dont want to keep falling behind

replies: 2

No matter how much I pray and affirm myself that my day will be better today and that I need to keep pushing, one thing happens after another. I walk into school and feel like throwing up, my friends keep blaming themselves whenever I can't bring myself to be around them so I feel too guilty to sit away from them, so I force myself to be around people when I can't. Even if I explain it, they don't listen, so I don't bother anymore.I can't do my schoolwork, I fall behind. I sit in class and stare at my book until it's over, I don't want to be there, I overanalyze if I breathe too loud, I don't want to be noticed.I don't know how to process my emotions, between being way too happy or feeling nothing at all, leads to my self destructive behavior which I wish would just stop already, I hate being this way, but when everything gets overwhelming and I feel like I'm being shoved out of my own reality, I want to do anything to stop the feeling of too much and feel little constantly.I want to disappear, I can't bring myself to care about being selfish these days, no one really enjoys being around me either way, I am just convenient to talk to and make people laugh, I am easily replicable.Saying 'I want to die', is easy but I really do not want to, the idea of that is horrifying, but I can't stop my intrusive thoughts. I want to battle this because I know within me that there's hope and eventually I will find peace in my life, but right now, all I can do is spiral endlessly.

Wanting to disappear

replies: 12

Hi everyone, I'm a bit nervous about leaving this comment as I've never really spoken to anyone about this. I don't even understand entirely how I feel and so if I can't understand it, how am I supposed to be able to explain it? I feel like I just want to disappear. Cease to exist. I don't particularly want to kill myself (in all honesty I think I'm too scared to) but I don't want to be here anymore. But all I think about is death. Dying. However it may happen as long it happens to me. Finally being at peace. I feel worthless and helpless. I have no passions or desires. I'm just constantly scared I guess... and empty at the same time if that makes sense. I feel like I don't belong here and I don't think I really want to. I hate compliments and people telling me I deserve to be here because I'm such a wonderful person with a bright future and so much potential. But they don't really know me. Not like I know myself (and I don't even really know myself. But what I do know, I hate). Truth is I just don't want to be here. I love my family and friends and I am so grateful to have them in my life. They make me happy. But they're just a distraction because when I'm truly alone, I realise just how unhappy I actually am and it scares me. They think I'm ok. Maybe it's because I act ok around them. Whenever someone says what they like about me it's always to do with how contagious my smile/laugh is, my bubbly personality etc etc etc. But I'm miserable on the inside. Always. If they knew what went on in my head... it'd be the shock of the century to them. I'm probably typing all of this in the wrong forum and I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time I just really needed to get this off my chest. So yeh, thank you to anyone who read this... if anyone read this

"disqualified as a human being"

replies: 2

i recently read a book called 'no longer human', and unsurprisingly, i found the character very relatable -- excluding the misogyny and some political beliefs. i went to some kind of mental health professional(s) multiple times, school counsellors and an external psychologist. i really hoped they'd find something wrong with me (ironically) but i was always marked off as simply having a 'phase'. they didn't phrase it like that, however, that's exactly what it sounded like.so if i'm not mentally ill, am i normal? it certainly doesn't seem like it's 'normal' to go against the typical nature of a living being and begin self-destructing for no particular reason. no, i don't harm myself, i'm scared of pain. but living is a hellish cruel pain. "disqualified as a human being" is a quote from 'no longer human', and it perfectly describes how i feel. i feel as if society has some secret inner joke that everyone but me was born with the knowledge of. acceptable behavior, code of conduct, social etiquette, MORALS. it really feels like i've failed to even fulfill the basics of living. it's less "i want to die" and more "living is absolutely not for me" i have a lot more to talk about, but that doesn't belong here. i apologize if this doesn't sound much about suicide.

Am I crazy? Or is it just the people

replies: 2

I can see and hear people I’m suicidal but do I tell anyone no. I want to feel safe in my own head but will that happen not really don’t want to open up. It’s scary but yk it’s ok I’ll always put myself and mh last I first need people around me to be... View more

"Hangover" after Suicidal Thoughts

replies: 3

I have recently been feeling really deep, sad and suicidal thoughts. Thoughts, I had never experienced before. I feel like I have managed to feel more like myself after a week of crying however I feel like my tolerance for nonsense has lessened. Not in a negative way so much but I miss being nonchalant and focused on the positive. I feel like I have been traumatised by my thoughts. I am safe today and have wonderful support. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar? With love Thank you

I am losing my battle to my mental health

replies: 2

I am losing the battle to my mental health in silence. Today I was at the back of the bus feeling so, so incredibly empty, my depression drowning me. Tears poured down my face in silence as I begged one of the strangers in front of me to turn back and ask if I was okay. I am part of the mental health crisis. No one in my life cares. Not my family. I don't have any friends. I am all alone. Truly. No one ever checks up on me. I am just another random saved contact on people's phones. I don't matter to anyone. I just want to go to Europe, lay in a field of flowers, and never wake up. I want to disappear. The pain to stop. Ive never truly been ok. I cry almost everyday. Ive struggled with major depression and anxiety since 13 years old. My existence is just carrying this mental illness, suffering, and trying to make it through not even the next day, or hour, but next minute. Ive not been happy for a very long time. I have not felt myself for a very long time. I dont even know what the aforementioned means - feeling like yourself. The moment you're born you're expected to want to live. To want to have goals. To want to make yourself something in this world. What about the outliers? What about those who naturally don't? What about those like me who truly wish on a star they were never born in the first place? I sadly had no choice in my existence and here I am to carry the burden of myself. I understand and do not blame people who end their lives honestly. I blame and chastise society and those who never check up on them then when they hear the news say hypocritically, "Oh if only they had reached out to me I would have stopped what I was doing to help them." Well here I am writing this. Never written on a forum. I cant deal with this anymore. I cant do this. I am slipping away each second. These are my honest thoughts.

Mental health condition vs abuse?

replies: 1

Trigger warning** Wasn't really expecting much. Just so unsure about whats real and what isnt. I am 40 and have been diagnosed with adhd early 30's and bpd a few years ago after my son was born. Now its looking more like cptsd and autism is going to be a diagnosis. I dont have a psychiatrist atm as bpd scares them all off, I I have my first appointment with a new one soon with the same place I see my psychologist weekly. Where I struggle is. Ever since my son was born, my wife and her family put me down about anything I did. It took 6 months before I reached out for help thinking I was going insane. And then the cmht told the police I hated my son and I got an avo taken out against me. It was later dropped in court. But ever since then. My family, her family have done everything humanely possible to make me look like I am a problem and its my mental health etc. I have done dbt & cbt. I have a psychiatric assistance dog. I was taking my meds as prescribed. And yeah I did self harm and hurt myself intentionally alot. I have been in icu once and er multiple times. A psych ward doesn't help me and do get extremely distressed in there. I got told that sui is manipulative adter I woke up on life support by a cmht manager cause I complained about their actions forced me to take that action on myself. I got read the story of the boy who cries wolf from cmht. Told if I didnt drink monster that I wouldnt experience what i called abuse. My mum made herself my next of kin, they proceeded to tell her I wasnt trying. Thing is. I done my best. I havent seen my son since jan. I dont get to say anything or see him. I am scared of her, so I shut up. My parents finance everything for her. I feel worthless. He is 4, I have gone at least twice not seeing him for 6+ months cause I am scared she will do anything to ensure I kill myself. I look back and check the facts and I really never did anything wrong, I tried to be a good dad and make good decisions. I was just told I was wrong and would get isolated for saying anything. It continues now. I get labelled as crazy and they get to keep up this silent treatment. Ignore anything I say. And according to the law they are doing everything ok. I found myself once again on the sanctioned site learning where I went wrong all these past attempts. I dont wanna fk it up, I dont wanna die. But saying I have to live for my son I don't see. whilst being gaslit by everyone and watching them get validated for hurting me. I dont know where to turn

thoughts

replies: 2

im 14 and ive been dealing with a lot of suicidal thoughts. i didnt grow up with great parents and even the people who are taking care of my right now arent that helpful i get bullied at school for and sometimes i jsut wanna end it all i once attempted suicide my mother put me up on social media as a missing person and my whole school saw and i had like 8 meltdowns but no one cared and everyone made fun of me. it got so bad that i ended up in hospital 2x and even after that the bullying got worse and atp i dont even know what to do bc right now my whole life is messed up and im so tired and absolutely no one understands me and sometimes i self harm to relieve my stress but absolutely nothing helps at all the things is i escaped one thing which was trauma from my parents bc they abused me but now i have more problems to deal with idk how to cope with it .

VCE future

replies: 10

I have no hope for my future, last year I was doing so well in school. When I got to VCE the pressure got into my head so bad I got diagnosed with severe anxiety which led to a bad reaction to medication suicidal ideation and an admission. I have no hope anymore I can’t even brush my hair or teeth I sleep all day. It’s like I’m already not even alive I’ve ruined my life I had everything last year friends, school, and I was playing my favourite sport. It’s all gone I ruined it all everything, I was supposed to be the smart one the one in my family who actually graduates I’ve let everyone down. What’s the point of even being alive anymore I don’t even feel real.

A follow up

replies: 2

Nearly a year ago I posted to this forum because I was having trouble with self harm. I followed the advice of some kind commenters though I was too nervous to speak to them individually or reply. I am grateful to all three of them. I sought out confidential counselling but I found it didn't do much for me. I might just have found the wrong person to speak to but she couldn't tell me or teach me anything I didn't already know and was very persistent that I involve my mother. Eventually I did. Unfortunately it went exactly how I feared it would, she banned me from going to further counselling or speaking to my doctor about mental health issues and accompanies me everywhere except for school, where I am writing this from. I feel worse than ever. I can't talk to anyone and I'm scared. What do I do? Every day becomes harder to wake up. When I walk to school (she works mornings) I pass many roads and I keep wanting to hurt myself. My mother is going to start me doing driving lessons soon (she won't teach me) and I'm scared what I'll do when I have control of a vehicle. I do not want to hurt myself anymore.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

life moves too quick, i dont want to keep falling behind replies: 2

Wanting to disappear replies: 12

"disqualified as a human being" replies: 2

Am I crazy? Or is it just the people replies: 2

"Hangover" after Suicidal Thoughts replies: 3

I am losing my battle to my mental health replies: 2

Mental health condition vs abuse? replies: 1

thoughts replies: 2

VCE future replies: 10

A follow up replies: 2