Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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a way to describe this…feeling?

replies: 2

As the title suggests, I’m looking for a way to describe my current … state? or hoping someone else has a similar experience. FYI I am currently in year 12, and yes I am safe Since I was in about year 5 or 6, I think I hated living. Not necessarily suicidal ideation (though there were many instances of it), but I was very pessimistic about life and thought everything sucked, so even if I felt happiness (emotion) I don’t think I was truly happy with life. But around the start of this year, I stumbled upon things that had really resonated with me, and something had shifted within me. For the first time I felt like I really wanted to live, and that life was beautiful. Even when I experienced setbacks, I still had the strong feeling of wanting to live, and that I was capable of things even though I was struggling. Essentially, even though I had times where I didn’t feel happiness (the emotion), I felt like my state of being was happy (?) And I was still the same pessimistic person, but I felt like some kind of miasma (as strange as that sounds) was lifted from me. That was basically how I felt for a good many months, until maybe a month or some time ago I ended up discussing with a teacher about mental health support, and I won’t go into details, but mid conversation I was struck with an immense wave of depression/hopelessness/disillusionment that no one would ever help me and that I would never deserve help… and essentially ever since then it feels like that “state” of happiness has disappeared and I returned to my longstanding state of…some kind of hopelessness. It feels like I’m back to square one. Though I also think I’m a bit more resilient to suicidal ideation so maybe square one point five. So I want to know if theres a way to encapsulate what this experience is. Or if anyone has experienced a similar thing before?

self harm urges

replies: 3

i’m 12 & recently i’ve been getting urges to self harm. it happens almost every other day & i can’t stop thinking about it. ive held it once but never got the guts to fully attempt it. i dont know what to do ,, the urges are getting stronger & im bec... View more

Inevitable

replies: 2

I am safe right now, and I mostly have been for a few years now. But I am still convinced that my life is only headed one way, that it's inevitable something, someday soon, will finally push me over the edge. I know I haven't got the guts to do it 99.9% of the time. I know people love me, I know people will be devastated. Years ago there were several inpatient stays, I had TMS and ECT done. I've tried many medications and many therapists. Written more notes than I can count. Several years of addiction. But the suicidal thoughts never went away, and I don't remember life without themI'm 30 now, lived far longer than I ever expected. People around me think it's behind me and I'm doing better. I spent time living overseas, I see friends in person more regularly, I go to the gym, I talk to a therapist every week and I don't isolate in my room anymore. I can get through days easier, I credit a lot of that to DBT. But there is no real enjoyment from everyday life. It's all a necessary chore, stuff I should be doing so people don't worry about me. I'm doing a tafe course, I can't talk to people or make friends there and I've just about given up on it. Relationships and conversations are as hard and draining as ever. I still get out and try things, by myself, but I lose interest quickly. It's a chore to contact friends, and it just feels like a duty to go and see them when they contact me. I haven't had a problem with addiction for a couple years now, I lost interest in that too.Every night lying in bed I'm stuck with the noise in my head, keeping me up all night sometimes. I can't pretend to myself like I can to other people. I had people I could talk to in these situations over the years, but I managed to drive each and every one of them away. I cling on to the hope that one of these days, before too long, will finally be my last. Thank you

Lonely and so sad

replies: 12

I’m so lonely I have a husband and children but feel so lonelyit really is too hard and no one would miss me I’m sure

Just so tired of being me

replies: 3

The only reason I'm still alive is because ending it all is so much effort, and I'm scared I'll survive. I'm a teenage girl (under 18), and I'm in year 2 of my biomedical degree. I have autism, and lately basic things have been stressing me needlessly, on top of all the other issues in my life. I am having needless trouble with my assessments because the formatting/wording makes no sense to me (I struggle a lot with digital quizzes) and I haven't been able to get those switched to written assignments. I let my work pile up because I haven't been mentally or physically well for a while. I constantly study overnight, which has taken a toll on me physically. I live alone so it's all my own problem. My parents are going through a messy divorce and I also come from a low socioeconomic background, I really don't have much. Their marital issues are not my problem, I keep telling myself that. I know I should just be happy with what I have, I'm very fortunate to have my place in my course and my current research position too. But I just can't seem to be. People think everything I have is just because I'm lucky. That stings. Lucky to have what? A broken home? A dozen health issues? I feel like I don't deserve anything, as a result. I'm a social outcast, all I really have is my academic skills and my grades- I put my entire sense of self worth on my ability to perform academically. I am somehow losing the joy and the passion I found in research too- I'm scared, I'm really scared. It feels like I'm losing a major part of me. But if there is another life, I really hope I can find happiness in knowledge again. It feels like I've lost the one thing making me happy- The one thing making living feel worth it. Every little mistake I make feels like I'm grating my soul. It feels like in the last decade and a half of my life, I've achieved nothing. I can't be proud of myself. To my parents, I am just the family embarassment. My parents still don't treat my studies or my research seriously, they still don't think I have any real responsibilities. I'm lonely, I feel worthless, I feel like nothing I do will ever be enough. I don't even have an answer as to who I am or what I like, I have no real sense of self. I like knowledge because it fills the void in my heart. Living to sate my curiosity doesn't feel worth it anymore. Yet, somehow I need to keep up this image of a good student. It feels like every day I am acting. This is exhausting. Make it stop. Help me.

Does anyone else wish they were dead but it isn't an option ?

replies: 6

For lots of reasons I don't want to be alive. I basically feel like the abortion that should have happened. The problem for me is that I have 2 adult children and 3furbabies that mean killing myself is not an option. I was a teenage mother who spent my 20s and some of my 30s counting down the days until my youngest turned 20 and I could end my life. I would research and consider different ways. Anyway, when I was in my late 30s I met someone whose Mum committed suicide when they were 30 and it completely destroyed them. It was in that moment I realised, I was stuck having to live. This means that everyone sighs in relief because of my protective factors in safety planning- but it does nothing to resolve this pain and stickiness I feel because I want to end my life but can't because of the love I have for my children. The need to torture myself through life then ruin the chances for my kids. I would love to know if anyone has ever felt like this? I would just love to not feel so alone whilst I persevere in having to wake up every morning, and create some hope for life being worth living.

i want to live my god damn life

replies: 6

hello everyone and my name is Jorja and i suffer from really bad bullying and it been like that seen day one of year1 it hadn't stop not even when i report it. it never stop and i allows ignore it but high school make it harder.

I give up

replies: 19

I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of being tired and I’m tired of having to multitask between the loudness of my head, my anxiety, being in pain all the time from SH working a full time job that I get bullied at but shoe no emotion. I’m just tired and I can’t go on like this. Knowing my shit is incurable makes it worse bc what’s the point then if it’s never going to get better. My behaviours are getting out of hand and I can’t stop them but professionals say otherwise. My episodes are more frequent and my impulsivity it’s too much and detrimental. I can’t anymore. I just can’t.

Reaching the inevitable end

replies: 3

I am safe and currently not at risk. I'm 38, married and have a 2 year old son. Since I was 12 I've had depression. There's been periods it's been severe and overwhelming and there's been others where it's in the background. But at all times it's been there. It seems recently it's taken full control of my thoughts and actions. The last few weeks I've been on autopilot just to get through the days. It's starting the effect my job and family and people are starting to notice. I'm finding it difficult to engage in social events without becoming noticeably melancholy and detached. Last night I came to closest I've been in over 10 years. I got right up to the line but backed out. I didn't feel anything during the preparation. At the last second I felt fear and shame, that stopped me. Afterwards I felt a mild sense of euphoria and dissociation. I don't know how I'm going to move forward without my depression negatively effecting (or ruining) my work and social life. I'm worried if it keeps going like this I'll step over the line and ruin my family. I don't have active thoughts of self harm nor do I have a plan. But I am having a dark episode.

Overwhelmed and drowning

replies: 2

I am overwhelmed and drowning I have tried reaching out but I can’t even pay people to help me and my “friends” who are actually acquaintances just berate me. Let me be clear; I am NOT suicidal BUT I wish I was, I am exhausted and I am DONE! Life keeps on kicking me (don’t tell me other people are worse off because I don’t care) I’m tired of having to restart- I followed ALL THE RULES! Why am I being punished for being wrong? Being born wasn’t my fault I KNOW I’m not supposed to be here

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

a way to describe this…feeling? replies: 2

self harm urges replies: 3

Inevitable replies: 2

Lonely and so sad replies: 12

Just so tired of being me replies: 3

Does anyone else wish they were dead but it isn't an option ? replies: 6

i want to live my god damn life replies: 6

I give up replies: 19

Reaching the inevitable end replies: 3

Overwhelmed and drowning replies: 2