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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section
  • replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a ... View more

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

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Gee1_ja Am i doing enough?
  • replies: 4

This will probably be a ramble. Im 20 i work fulltime and study as an apprentice fitter and mashinist. both work and school are roughly an hour and 20 mins of driving each day somtimes more depending on traffic. I exercise during the week and weekend... View more

This will probably be a ramble. Im 20 i work fulltime and study as an apprentice fitter and mashinist. both work and school are roughly an hour and 20 mins of driving each day somtimes more depending on traffic. I exercise during the week and weekend to regulate myself. I live only with my sister now shes 21 but we both cant afford to move out student wages and all ny mum moved 2 hours away ny dad moved 7 hours away we have no support close by my parents help pay rent but mother insisted we stay in a very large 4 bedroom house the rooms nice and all but its alot to try and manage. Heres the problem i have alot of conditions that make me not as abled learning disabilities and some other things main ones being adhd,ocd,mixed mood/bipolar i suspect i have autism and dyslexica but diagnosises are really expensive. I fall behind in school its nothing new they never helped me though the system and gave me special help to actually get me to succeed i dont have very good maths or writing skills. Now im in tafe and can barely handle the anxiety from maths i was alienated all the time the teachers put me in situations like quick maths or spelling but I have a processing issue so id always fail on basic things. I have definitely developed a anxiety and depression around the education system dispite how much i tell myself were all adults and it doesnt matter if anyones judging me i still cant shake it as soon as maths in play i start super eager confident. Then i fall behind maybe i got distracted for a moment or i couldn't write fast enough. Now iv missed the steps and it doesnt make sense. By that point i give up in my head it boils down to "whats the point" the teacher gets everyone to figure it out and they all yell the answers i can never do it fast enough to see wether i was right or even had a chance to type it out. So i give up the stress of failure complies though the 2weeks im there im the only girl in the class no one talks to me i have breakdowns almost everyday i have to leave the lesson beacuse I feel a meltdown i look like such a child I get treated like one i get why from the outside. I feel so alone im asking for education support from the school but theres no free time to actually do it and i dont thinj ill qualify for ndis because they'll assume im abled enough im appling anyways though. I went on adhd meds which I'm coming off my ocd and bipolar are really bad on it often times i couldn't shake the feeling that today was the last day u couldn't visualise the next days so many times i think about ending it even if its not really what i want. I feel like such a burden on my family and friends i must be hard to be around my meltdowns are scary i dont hurt others but i hurt myself physically. I regulate them as much as i can but i know people are scared of me. I still wait for the day everyone finally leaves me gets sick of me so maybe i can end it without making people upset. I doubt that will happen though i try not to push others away but how do u tell people that u cant visualise a future that ur alive in. I get told to try harder be better but i cant i tried the pills i tried getting support i have a therapist but i just keep falling behind again and again. Im really tired of fighting what comes to others so naturally. Im always tired i cant ever sleep iv tried so many things the doctors barely helped if at all. I masked so well i pretended so well that i comptent like its all just a good show but the curtins fell once my parents left and i went back to school. I cant pretend anymore im struggling i really really want this i wanna pass tafe but everything feels so crushing i dont know if my love for mechanical engineerings gonna pull me though. I need to feel like im doing enough im trying hard enough im fighting hard enough am i enough? Maybe these meds are just driving me insane and maybe ill snap back once im off them idk its tuff out here. Once my mind clears i know i wont kill myself i cant i think my brain just likes the idea since it seems like the most logical way to not feel this way or suffer. All my money basicly goes to health while my peers buy new cars im stuck trying to fix myself and pass basic schooling idk if tafe mechanical engineerings considered hard in others eyes my peers say they keep dumbing it down and yet i still cant pass. Idk i really dont know what to do i just wanna work on mechanics. Ratchet world.

Guest_84243772 Who helps me with this?
  • replies: 1

Im 60 male, going through my 2nd divorce.23 years ago the family court awarded my $25000 settlement for my house ect. My solicitor, who told me all the way through the 18 month ordeal, that I should get about $120000, gave me a bill for $23000. Curre... View more

Im 60 male, going through my 2nd divorce.23 years ago the family court awarded my $25000 settlement for my house ect. My solicitor, who told me all the way through the 18 month ordeal, that I should get about $120000, gave me a bill for $23000. Current day, been married 20 years, and she wants to keep 2 bed townhouse that is currently an investment property. She has our 12 year old son 100% because i couch surfing and live in my van.Our other invest property she wants 50% of that too.Each property is modest in Beenleigh, townhouse about $650k and house $800k with $230k mortgage.My father recently passed away, after 4 years in nursing home with dementia. Almost nothing to his name, but my sister and I didn't get mentioned in his will. Everything (which is nothing) to his defacto male partner.I now have a hatred for my dead father.I walked out of work 3 months ago, for 2 months, to sit on the edge of the ocean or Broadwater, just numb, depressed, working out how to sell everything and deposit the money to my kids accounts then end my suffering.I know why they say Rest In Peace. That's all I want...peace.I went back to work, just existing, not enjoying much, 4 weeks and I walked out again halfway through a day last week.I feel that life just doesn't like me. I don't even like me.I tried to apply to centrelink 3 weeks ago. I had a bit of savings, so the said I must wait 12 weeks before first payment. They want me broke and desperate too.This world has become horrible to live in. I watch posts online about living costs and comparisons for phillipines, Thailand and Japan.It all looks better than here. But then id be lonely and depressed, and hating myself, while looking at a different ocean or river.I read somewhere that a full emotional breakdown takes 2 years to get over.Who can access me? Services to help?

Keane Alone and now l don’t care about bullying anymore
  • replies: 1

Now l am powerfully and l don’t care about online bullying and before l feel anxiety and depression and suicidal and mental health issues too now l don’t care anymore.

Now l am powerfully and l don’t care about online bullying and before l feel anxiety and depression and suicidal and mental health issues too now l don’t care anymore.

Amelie1234_5678 Self harm
  • replies: 10

I have been self harming for many years but this year has been the worst, it started when I was first got SA. im just wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can try and stop harming myself the longest I have gone without doing it was 19months bu... View more

I have been self harming for many years but this year has been the worst, it started when I was first got SA. im just wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can try and stop harming myself the longest I have gone without doing it was 19months but that was a while ago now I feel like I do it all the time I need to stop doing it but im finding it hard

not_dead_yet Futility
  • replies: 8

I recently had my birthday. I thought that I would be gone before my birthday. I have an addiction and I don't enjoy doing it but it almost feels like an obligation or a habit. I had a friend tell me that I have the innability to communicate my opini... View more

I recently had my birthday. I thought that I would be gone before my birthday. I have an addiction and I don't enjoy doing it but it almost feels like an obligation or a habit. I had a friend tell me that I have the innability to communicate my opinions. I am not diagnosed with anything and I can't, it feels like nothing is real. I don't feel anything, I don't know if im hurting or just being attention seeking. I don't know what to do, my life seems pointless.

Guest_71257008 I'm always ignore and i want to kill myself
  • replies: 2

Every time i feel like my life is getting better (for context i turn 20 this year and have autism) and I'll stop self harming and not want to kill myself. i get feelings of isolation, shame, self haterd and the feeling of being ignored. I'm never ack... View more

Every time i feel like my life is getting better (for context i turn 20 this year and have autism) and I'll stop self harming and not want to kill myself. i get feelings of isolation, shame, self haterd and the feeling of being ignored. I'm never acknowledged, I'm aways patronized. I've started acting out. I'm bad person and some time i punch myself in the arms, legs and head. Occasionally thougts of suicide. I just want anyone to talk to me, acknowledged me and love me even if i don't deserve it.

Guest_43633108 Suicidal
  • replies: 3

I have 6 kids and a partner and I want to commit suicide been feeling like this for 10 year at least but it's at the point where I'm over it I can't mentally handle life I'm always angry and I hide in the Garage from my family for most of the day and... View more

I have 6 kids and a partner and I want to commit suicide been feeling like this for 10 year at least but it's at the point where I'm over it I can't mentally handle life I'm always angry and I hide in the Garage from my family for most of the day and come inside when everyone is gone to bed , my partner make me feel like shit cause she doesn't know what I'm dealing with or been dealing with for a long time , I don't know what else to do I went to a GP and he gave pills to take it was working but then I moved and no doctor around here wants to take a new patient, so I have to travel 2 hrs just to get a prescription and that's 3 much to do every week . And I noticed that everytime I came of the pills I would get worse I don't want to die but I don't want to be alive also . You think having kids would make a difference it did for a while but now I don't care if I'm not breathing anymore

mikotheawesome Everything is too mu
  • replies: 2

I don't even know what to do anymoreEverything I do leads me back to square one. It's so bad, it's so so badEverytime I look in the mirror I don't see myself anymore, I see a twisted, warped version of myself looking back at me. I've called the polic... View more

I don't even know what to do anymoreEverything I do leads me back to square one. It's so bad, it's so so badEverytime I look in the mirror I don't see myself anymore, I see a twisted, warped version of myself looking back at me. I've called the police once and got brought to the hospital twice but nothing has changed. I still remember one of the police officers telling me everything was going to get better but nothing has. Nothing changed. Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. I've remind my mother multiple times to refer me to another psychologist but its the same response. "We have to wait for the people to call us." No we dont. No. we. don't. She just doesn't want to deal with me, she doesn't want to pay for my care. She wants me to "realise" that i'm being dramatic. That i'm faking. That i'm a fat liar that wants attention. Inhad n arguement with her recently where I reminded her that I'm a child who is still developing emotionally and at this stage I'm not doing okay mentally. She then proceeded to yell at me and sarcastically ask me whether i think that means all punishments should be non-existent just because i'm being "dramatic". I then told her that only SOME. should not apply. she then mocked me and made me feel stupid. i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate hate hate hate hate her. everyday i'm losing my mind and ALL SHE CAN CARE ABOUT is how much im on my phone. I cant DO THIS anymore. when my friends talk abotu future plans i feel so sad knowing these won't apply to me. I don't see myself past 16. i have a plan and method to end myself but i dont have any intent because i'm still thinking of my friends. i just keep seeing their faces, being told i'm no longer alive, and they still have to go to school. i don't want to do that, but that feeling isn't as strong as it was last year. i'm becoming more apathetic to the thought of leaving everyone behind and there's nothing i can do. i've started to write notes, even one to myself, and there's nothing i can do. every night i go to sleep and dread the next morning knowing it'll be pain. mentally and physically. my mother mocked me for saying i might need a cane or a mobility aid due to severe leg pain. i cant do this i cant i really cant i just want to sleep and never wake up. at school, if i get in trouble, i don't care because "i'll be dead anyway." i used to correct myself but i don't do that anymore. i've accepted that it's "true". everyday is a loop and im stuck here while everyone else enjoys their days. their lives. i hate my life i hate it i hate it

orangutans3142 EXTREME HEALTH OCD MAKING LIFE UNLIVEABLE
  • replies: 2

I'm almost 19 years old (F) and I have been living with GAD and MDD for a lot of my life. Last year I was diagnosed with OCD and it has gotten unbearable and I just don't know how I will live anymore. It's like living in a constant state of torture a... View more

I'm almost 19 years old (F) and I have been living with GAD and MDD for a lot of my life. Last year I was diagnosed with OCD and it has gotten unbearable and I just don't know how I will live anymore. It's like living in a constant state of torture and I don't think anyone around me understand how suicidal it makes meI cycle through OCD thoughts/themes so once I work through one worry another one begins almost instantly. I'm on antipsychotics because of how bad it gets sometimes. One of my worst themes is health OCD. I remember a few months ago I truly thought I had cancer and was in extreme fear that I was going to die soon to the point I was living my life like I only had a month left (making impulsive decisions, not caring about how much money I spent). Right now I'm in one of the most painful spirals I have ever been in and it's about teeth and gum disease. Despite going to the dentist regularly I can't stop my compulsions of comparing my gums with pictures of healthy gums, taking photos to assess gum recession and posting on reddit and other sites for reassurance. I'm in so much pain. I keep having nightmares about my teeth falling out, I often get headaches and feel light-headed from anxiety episodes and I feel as though my life is coming to an end. I don't want to lose my teeth before I turn 30. The medication is not working anymore and I just want to end it all. I don't want this to be my life forever, being in a constant state of inflammation and exhaustion from my severe OCD and anxiety. I keep trying to hold onto hope but it's so hard

arka it’s just difficult
  • replies: 1

It feels like every time i think it gets better it only gets worse, I cant seem to help myself and I don’t want to worry or disappoint my family or friends by getting a counsellor/therapist or anything like that

It feels like every time i think it gets better it only gets worse, I cant seem to help myself and I don’t want to worry or disappoint my family or friends by getting a counsellor/therapist or anything like that

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