Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section

replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

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I don't have a reason to live

replies: 1

Hi, my name is alchi and I am M15 and I have been feeling very numb recently.I don't know if I have any mental health conditions but for a while now whenever I look in the mirror I see every flaw in my body and have a powerful desire to kms. I moved alot when I grew up moving schools going between Mongolia and Australia every year, I have time limits on my phone so I cant talk to any of my childhood friends and thus have always felt alone. I got depressed earlier and I was shivering in waves with crazy desires to end myself and that I was worthless, I can't talk to my friends cause im not allowed on insta and snap and whenever im with my friends I feel excluded heavily. Like I said I hate myself so im probs gonna not eat for a few days. I feel numb everyday and my parents (one mom that loses temper and hits/breaks things) and (one step-dad that doesn't care) made me feel alone for years, which I dealt with by hoping that things would get better in the future.

Anyome know if its normal?

replies: 5

An 11 year old girl, over a year ago i moved to my dads after my grandma found out my mum and her boyfriend were abusing me for years. I use to harm myself and have stopped since i moved but i feel utterly numb and empty inside. And its not like an 'oh i feel sad' way, NO it feels like ive never felt anything, when I self harm, it made me feel normal. I started when i was 10 and stopped at 11 after a few months, they were short but enough, i also get snappy at everyone and i dont mean to and i feel bad. Im the youngest and nit taken seriously, my feelings get brushed off by my sisters and brothers, and my dads not someone to talk to about it. I hate it because i always hear my sisters saying i know nothing about mental health when i tried killing myself at NINE and the fact i self harm, i had to grow up quite fast and learn to cook and clean and just be perfect to my mother. Despite being the younest im like the mother. I felt disguting because i never showerd or even cleaned my room, and it got so bad all i could was sleep amd go to school, half of my stuff was also molded. At a young age i was exposed to sex and sexual desires, i have grown a tendancy to it and i know its bad but i tried getting help and nothing worked and i cant help but feel utterly disgusted by it and i dont know how to stop. I feel numb and heartless, i hate even looking at myself, it reminds me of my mother. She used to neat me, scream at me and she would use my phone to watch porn and gamble on the pokies and say i did it. I know i shouldnt hate her but i honestly do. What she said made me feel worthless. I also experienced bullying by girls and boys in my school and class. If anyone knows how to stop feeling disguting or how to stop feeling dirty and numb, please reply to this as itll be severly appreciated or just share your own experiences, no matter what you shall always be welcome!<3

Im sick and tired, talking dosent help.

replies: 3

i really dont know where to start, but i feel so lonley, im away from my deen, im getting left out i feel like im not living just surviving. why is my life this way? i wanna end it so bad im failing everything: school, relationships, even my self esteem. im not quite sure why i feel this way. is the rumours being made of me ? is it the fact that whatever i do it never ends right. im such a failure my life is a mess i just wanna be included, appreciated, loved , cared for, but i never end up feeling this way, just giving others, even if they dont deserve it. everyone sort of has there person and im just there , even in my family i feel like the black sheep, always getting made fun of , always hurt, always blamed. i just want to feel something, anything. i recently realised i was bisexual and its so shameful to me, my religon , my family, it makes me feel like an outcast. also the fact i got sexually assaulted and theres nothing i can do about it. im such a bad person, im a bad muslim, im just bad theres nothing good in my life. i only find peace before i sleep. i pretend im about to die and all my feelings fade away but as soon as i wake up it feels like a punishment. like a new day of hell, feeling lonley. and no one bothered to check up on me. no one bothers to do anything. not even to simply ask if im okay, even if i do tell someone my feelings eventually they shut me out and ignore me, like im a burden to everything. im so tired. i really am. idk what to do anymore and i dont wanna live i feel as if i cant find certian happiness in my life, i just want to feel as if i found purpose in life. but im js taken as a joke. anyways thats all i have to say and i genuienly dont want to feel this way anymore

genuinely at a life dead end

replies: 1

so some shit went down at my job - effectively, i got fired because i got abused and enough people were able to point out the one part of the situation where i was somewhat negligent, and blow that out of proportion to make me into the ultimate evil of the situation (it was online). this is the only job i'd ever held, i'm 27 with several certs and a bachelor's degree in that field, and the way i was fired ensures im basically cut off from every connection i could've leveraged. i'm not good at anything else. i have a cert II in salon management that's not connected to my account, but i'm also a tall person and i've developed chronic back pain which makes this unviable. i can't even get interviews for most jobs, they take one look at my resume and toss it out without even calling me back. i've been applying for years, with the help of a job agency, and gotten nothing, and nobody can tell me why. im on the autism spectrum and though i'm what people would call 'high-functioning', i cannot mask that im autistic. i'm being evicted soon-ish - i actually don't know exactly when i am being evicted, im out of the loop between the landlord and my father and neither wants to put me in the loop. but my father and i struggle to keep the 4bed house he insisted on buying clean, due to my aforementioned back pain, and my dad's own severe disabilities. he's also emotionally abusive towards me. i genuinely feel like i don't have any future prospects, the one thing im good at isn't really an option anymore, i don't have connections to leverage. i was hoping to use this to get to melbourne and set up a better life for myself there, but it feels like that's been shot down. i hate living in queensland due to its weather climate 7-8 months out of the year, the texture of being humid and sweaty sets off my sensory issues. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do.

whats the point?

replies: 1

Im 76 ,done all the usual things .mortgages ,kids ,3 partners but never really fitted in ,never really found my seat in this world,never used drugs or any form of dependence on anything but now 3 months out of my last relationship but no problem finding another partner but early days I suppose ,I wake up every morning in a dark space ,have tried therapy ,tried medication but still the same feelings ,no money but also no debt and living a life within my means but just dont care if I live or die and sometimes are comforted and envy people who choose to leave this world ,I would love to find a reason to continue ,please people dont give me the cliches ,Im healthy and have activities every day but its like im a robot

So alone

replies: 1

So so lonely. Off work for 15mths (5mths post surgery) on workers comp. Still can’t do anything. I live in a city where I don’t have anyone. My partners family are all here but don’t want anything to do with me. My partners family and I met years ago at work in mining and broke up our marriages. Now I’m alone. Partner works away still and I’m stuck. I’m sick of working on myself, physio, gym, walking, feeding mysel. I have a daughter who is 6hrs away.everyone I know can’t help me. They give me tips and say just do as your told and do nothing. I’m going insane and now I’m literally doing nothing and I don’t want to go anywhere. Im even sick of calling my psychiatrist with the same issues. Make small plans, study something, walk I just don’t even have the brain to think, negotiate and procrastinate everyday. When I goggle help it’s very sad that there’s not a lot of instant advice. I do not know what to do as no one wants to talk to negative Nancy so I think I should just stop living now.

Suicide

replies: 3

Im No-ones favorite and whatever group i try to join i am not wanted and told to leave and i dont fit in anywhere maybe i wasnt meant for this world

Feels like nobody understands

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This is my desperate attempt at trying to find someone who can understand, i've been in hospital twice and i've felt empty for so long. People get worried and fuss over desperately getting me some therapy or something but all i want is to find someone who genuinely cares and understands, someone who's going through the same thing and knows what it's like to feel like there's no escape.

Wish I wasn’t here

replies: 2

I’ve worked all my life and have nothing I never partied or wasted money but did have horses I brought up four children and now have four grandchildreni I can’t work due health reasons my life is over I’m going end up homeless I have nothing maybe 50 k in assets no super I don’t know what to do also caring person I used love now he won’t even shower weekly but feel obligated to stay for himi just want end it all I used be afraid of dying not anymore I’ve wasted my life getting g cancer early which left me a lot disabilities and prevented me from working more then part time bringing up four children mainly on my own and now have zero it’s only going get worse I can’t do this anymore

Distraught

replies: 1

about four weeks ago I suffer the seizure and ended up in a induced coma for 5 days when they wake me on the 5th day I suffered from ICU delirium and post trauma amnesia and remember nothing for 15 hours after that one minute I was sitting in the lounge at my partner said babe are you okay the next I come to in the middle of a park and remember nothing of this apparently when I woke up this aggravated and my partner and left the hospital and my partner left me having spoken to me since I remember none of this and it wasn't my fault I am absolutely devastated confused scared and lonely we were together for 12 years every day just mean him alone we have been through so much together while I was in my coma I heard him say babe you're awake you scared me thought I was going to lose you and was kissing my forehead I remember nothing else I am now alone no friends my family and no explanation I've lost everything he was my life and every day is getting harder I have been planning to end my life as the pain is unbearable I have no friends no one except myself he was the only other person in my life and now I have no future as he was my future and it's killing me that he has cut off all contact for something that I was not in control of or remember my heart has been shattered I was scared of dying alone without him by my side now that's going to be reality one minute he loves me then I blinked and I wake up in a path 6 days of my life missing and him gone

Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section replies: 0

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

I don't have a reason to live replies: 1

Anyome know if its normal? replies: 5

Im sick and tired, talking dosent help. replies: 3

genuinely at a life dead end replies: 1

whats the point? replies: 1

So alone replies: 1

Suicide replies: 3

Feels like nobody understands replies: 4

Wish I wasn’t here replies: 2

Distraught replies: 1