venting

[Guest_65189637]

i was diagnosed with depression when i was 15. it was a tough time. i was bullied at the new school I moved to, and my friends from my old school suddenly all turned on me and spread false rumours. i always kind of knew they were fake friends, but I stayed because I had nowhere else to go. the new school was hell on earth. the suicidal thoughts became all I thought about and I couldn't stomach down food, and I couldn't stop crying. i skipped class and ignored my grades. a semester later, I transferred to another school, because I wanted a fresh start. I'm currently there right now. i have friends, and no one actively, openly hates me like at my other two schools. but Ive lost all motivation. i cry at night wondering when it will get better. i don't know what the purpose of this all is. this one girl from my first school posts photos of me online and laughs at me with her friends at the train station when I just want to go home. my parents don't believe in mental health and I've reached out before, but they made it clear I wasn't going to get professional help. My mum is leaving to another continent to have brain tumour surgery and she wont be back for at least a year. why am I fighting for a life I don't even want? am I selfish for thinking that? if you relate please reply to me, I don't want to feel alone anymore

[Sophie_M]

Hey,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue online forums and thanks for sharing your story. It is so brave of you to reach out here and we understand how difficult it must be to have no one in your life know how much you are suffering. We're sorry to hear you’ve been experiencing bullying and suicidal thoughts. Please know that we are concerned about your wellbeing, and we would like to talk through these feelings with you.

If you do not need immediate support and are not comfortable to talk your parents about how you’re feeling, we’d suggest reaching out to Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800). Kids Helpline offers free phone counselling services 24/7 or you could also contact that via email or webchat through their website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/

We’d ask if you can check back in with us to let us know how you are going. If you’d like to reach out to us directly, you can reach the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor

If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about self-harm this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero). Another option would be ringing Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who can talk things through with you, and help you to plan for your safety. The Beyond Blue safety planning app might be worth looking at, too. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and compete it with one of their counsellors over the phone.

We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Kind regards,
Sophie M