The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly painful time in your life. I'm so glad you came here to express how you feel and perhaps find people who can relate and support you. With Sophie offering you a number of resources, I hope you consider one or more of these forms of guidance. Being such a beautiful person in so much pain, you deserve the support.
Being a mum to a 19yo guy and 22yo gal, I'll occasionally remind my kids of what I've learned myself...there are going to be times in life where you'll need a guide. I like to think of life as a huge map, offering different directions to take and some extremely challenging places/times to get through on occasion. Sometimes we'll need people to point the way (offering a sense of direction), sometimes we'll need people to help us get through the seriously rocky or challenging parts and sometimes we'll need people to shed light or help us see our way along the darker paths. Doing all that alone can feel incredibly challenging, stressful and even depressing at times and lonely. Guides can make it easier. I'm wondering whether there's anyone in your life, such as a parent, who you can speak to in the way of guidance. Making it clear to them that you're feeling really lost at the moment could be a start.
With you mentioning bullying, my son went through a terrible time in primary and secondary school until he found a couple of good groups of friends. One thing they all had and still have in common is...they all have the ability to sense really easily. This leads them to be labelled as 'sensitive'. Most of my son's friends faced bullying at one time or another. Bullies will typically go for those who can sense easily. They'll go for people who have the ability to sense or feel stressful and depressing words and actions. They may go for people who have the ability to sense or feel no solid connection to others, in other words people who prefer to sit on their own rather than hang around those who they don't get along with. Sensitive people have many many incredible abilities that can make life unbelievably challenging at times. For example, not only can they feel the nature and stressful and depressing abuse or torment from bullies but they can also feel the really unhelpful advice 'Just ignore them'. They can feel that advice as dismissive, unhelpful and perhaps depressing. Don't let anyone dismiss how you feel your experiences and the people around you. You need people who can help you 'come to your senses' in new, revealing, exciting and empowering ways. I know it may be hard to remember but try and keep in mind 'It's not my fault I can feel or sense the nature of people. My struggle points to my ability to feel or sense their nature. At the moment, I'm seriously struggling with this ability and need a guide who can help me better understand it and master it'.
