Sick and tired of being sick

Bbydoll · ‎23-06-2020

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

Bbydoll · ‎04-07-2020

Hi Tim, yeah it's difficult because my family don't understand. My brother's idea of dealing with difficult things is basically to ignore them (and pretend that they don't actually exist). And in the end he doesn't deal with whatever is going on. One day he'll realize that doesn't actually achieve anything!

Yes it's very difficult to do the opposite of what you're feeling... especially when I would rather be lying in bed and not dealing with the general public. I've dealt with health problems and depression since I was a teenager. Dealing with depression is easier- because I don't feel bad about leaving things or sleeping more with my depression. But with my health; I hate puting things on hold if I'm not well enough to do something. Probably because I've missed out on so much due to my health issues!!

I was sleeping, but woke up because I wasn't feeling too good. The past few days I've been getting intermittent chest pain - probably brought on by stress. It settled down whilst watching some tv; but started again when I began binge eating and stopped once I stopped eating!

I'm sick of being held back by my health (and mental health) problems. I'm tired of battling every day. I'm going to have a drink of water.. listen to some music and try and get some more sleep.

TheBigBlue · ‎06-07-2020

Hi Bbydoll,

I’m sorry I can’t offer you anything more, but write here anytime (about the good or the bad) & if I’m not here to listen there always seems to be someone around.

i feel like in some ways our lives are similar. Living with chronic illness & mental health issues. In all honesty, it is often overwhelming. Sometimes I’m amazed I have made it this far.

Ive tried so many different things to get me through the hard times. Sleep & food were definitely two. Then I started to write things down. It was a way to express myself without ever having to show it to anyone. Then I discovered these forums, now that I’m out of work (due to Covid) I have found time to start to get back into art. I haven’t done any art since high school so it’s been a very long time. But I have discovered if I find something I want to draw, the amount of focus I spend on it means I can go hours without thinking about my troubles.

i think it has really helped. I have found a sunny corner in my lounge room & it’s my new favourite place to relax. And that’s where I get creative.

And while it hasn’t cured my issues, it does give me some respite. I hope in time you too can find some sort of outlet as well.

sending you a big hug!

Bbydoll · ‎06-07-2020

Thanks Big Blue. I appreciate your response. I did art all through high school - I wasn't very good at it; but I did enjoy it! I spent most of today and all weekend sleeping because of ill health. The cold weather makes it that much worse. I've begun to have nightmares - they're reoccurring ones and probably a result of PTSD suffered from all the surgeries I've had. I'm feeling nauseated again from over eating tonight. Otherwise I'd try and get more sleep right now. I was hoping to get on top of some of my bills this pay; but hard when the next lot is now due on top of the outstanding ones!! I feel like I'm suffocating and it won't stop.

smallwolf · ‎06-07-2020

Hi Bbydoll - sounds like the last few days have not been the best for you. Do you have any sort a support network around you?

Bbydoll · ‎06-07-2020

Hi smallwolf,

I've got no support around me. And honestly my online friends are pretty hopeless (as much as I love and appreciate them), it usually ends up - me supporting them. Rarely, if ever; are they actually supporting me!

Bbydoll · ‎07-07-2020

I wish I could get out of this funk. But I'm so deep in it. I've wasted away another day with worry and stress/depression. I get paid on Thursday and won't have much to live off because of all my debts. Guess that's one way to lose weight! Skip some meals. I've got plenty of weight to loose too. My phone company is screwing me over. They won't put me on a better plan despite me paying off my phone. I've had several late payments and they refuse to put me on a better value plan. They just keep charging me for excess data. I'm supposed to be on a $60 plan. But it's usually about $150 or so dollars a month.. with excess data charges. I've got an overdue gas bill and a current bill totalling $190. I have over a $1000 of dental work to be done. I've got about $300 on overdue bill of afterpay. I have a zip pay bill to pay off from earlier dental work from this year... and I get about $600 after rent. Not including food, meds or opal card expenses as well. It's an absolute joke.

Bbydoll · ‎08-07-2020

Feels like I'm starting to flare up one of my illnesses because I have an increase in pain from the stress and binge eating. Would be just what I don't need right now. Because it would mean extra meds to try and settle it down - but they're serious meds that screw up my body even more than it already is!

Bbydoll · ‎08-07-2020

Slept from 5am to 715pm today. Can't afford to see one of my specialist doctors tomorrow - so I've cancelled that. Forgot to add that I need glasses at $160 as well to that list of things. Plus 2 laybys.. guess I'm not buying any food for the next 2 weeks at least.

smallwolf · ‎08-07-2020

I hope you don't mind my suggestions coming up... when I started getting help for my depression, would also find other things that contributed medically wise. So what I did was make a list of the things that "contributed" and one by one would address these issues so they could be crossed off the list. And for me, whatever remains is the mental health issues. Yup... too logically minded.

One of contributing things in your situation sounds like financial stress. Do you think you could call the National Debt Helpline (https://ndh.org.au/) on 1800 007 007 - you can get free free and confidential advice from professional financial counsellors. The hotline is open from 9.30 am to 4.30 pm, Monday to Friday. They also provide information on Emergency Assistance.

I am not saying this will fix all the issues, but it may help to get one thing under control?

Tim

Guest_1055 · ‎08-07-2020

Hey Bbydoll

You have a lot of stuff going on there in your life. Do you think you have issues managing it all, like does it just feel all too much? Cause it sort of sounds it.

Sick and tired of being sick can be seen as a good thing about you in your life. Like you have had enough of it. So have you considered you can use that to choose to make changes in your life?

Also I too have issues with binge eating. Just so you know. I am making changes in my life in that area. I am doing much better then I used too, but still slip up.

I am not sure what you binge eat on, but if its junk food well it can really affect every part of our health. This is something you can change, even if it's baby steps at first. So I encourage you to make some changes, maybe just one thing at a time.

If you are really feeling sick and tired of feeling sick use this to motivate yourself to get better. You are worth it. That is what I need to keep telling myself. You are worth taking care of.

About all your bills... That just seems overwhelming to me totally. Vision Australia may be able to help there, I am not entirely sure but it's worth looking into. Also it maybe useful to get some kind of financial counselling, maybe centerlink does that. Someone to help you to budget somehow.

You can get yourself out of this funk. I would start with choosing to eat only healthy foods and see how your body feels.

You got this, you can do it

Shelley