Sick and tired of being sick

[Bbydoll]

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Bbydoll,

So much happening there with your body. Its overwhelming. I am so sorry you are experiencing all this. Wish I could fix it all for you.

I do understand about the binge eating. And I have eaten someone's chocolate before as well. It was a Christmas gift, wrapped up and under the tree.

I am sorry about your close male friend not contacting you and stuff. That must hurt your heart.

Have you ever seen a naturopath, I know they can be expensive, just wondering if they could help you too.

It's great that you saw the opera though. Did you enjoy going? Never been to a live opera myself. Was it on at the opera House? Not sure if that's the same as Sydney Harbour. You sound like you really like that kind of stuff, going to see plays and opera.

Just thinking... Do you have one of those donut cushions. The ones with the hole in the middle. Would that help at all with you sitting do you think?

I dont know what else to say about what you have experienced and experiencing with your body. Only wish I could fix it or something.

[Guest_1055]

Just saying hello because I thought of you when I was having lunch. Hope you are doing OK today

[knottypigeon719]

are you doing okay?

i’m not chronically ill but i feel the same way. i am so tired of being sick. i have nothing.

we will get through this.

[Bbydoll]

It's obvious that no one is reading these posts. I'm binge eating again and it's out of control. My weight is ballooning and it's tight on purse strings. Still have no support - although my brother did hold a lovely lunch for me. He wants nothing more to do with me.

My female friend has gone AWOL.. and hasn't responded to my last text that was a couple of days before the last outbreak in Sydney started and I was concerned about her working down there. No one checks in on me EVER!!!

I have some exploratory surgery soon on my abscesses/fistulas on my bottom. I've had the pre admission tests and haven't heard anything from the hospital - so it must be ok. I had my double iron infusion a few weeks ago at the same hospital as my general doctor couldn't manage my badly scarred veins! And we have been talking again about the possibility of getting a port in my chest if the iron infusions become more regular.

I want to organize something with my male friend now that his wife is away. He should be able providing he has no new play or theatre shows in rehearsals. She hates me because of the connection I have with him and he was more affectionate in front of several of their mutual friends. I just wonder what they thought of that!!!!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bbydoll,

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through so much at the moment. Dealing with mutiple health issues woud be extremely taxing on your energy and wellbeing and that in conjunction with binge eating must be a lot to have to manage. It sounds like you are not getting the support you feel you need from family/friends, which is really cruical in managing our mental health specifically.

If you'd like to talk these feelings through, or have a counsellor talk with you about potential suport options please contact us anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  

Thank you for sharing this with us and being so honest about how you are feeling and what you are going through.

Warmest Regards.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Bbydoll,

It's simply not true that no one is reading your posts. Because I have. And have been keeping a look out for you.

Mostly all I can do is listen to you. You voice is indeed heard.

I am not too sure what else it is that you need.

[Bbydoll]

I'm still binge eating. The lock down hasn't helped things. The last time I saw my brother we talked about getting a pet for me to keep me company. But I live in an apartment, so can't really have a dog. He suggested a cat- but if I end up in hospital again, I have no one that can feed it for me as he won't help out. And if it had to go to the vet, I couldn't afford to look after it.

I feel like I'm just waiting for death. No one wants anything to do with me. I can't work. I can't study at campus. I can't afford to get the Internet because my phone company is screwing me over and no one is helping me plus I have other debts to pay off.

The only thing I do is go to the doctors.. and wait for the next drama with my crap health.

I should have gone to hospital last week because of one of my abscesses is causing problems but I'm supposed to get my first Pfizer shot next week. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow and will get him to check it over.

I'm so sick of struggling with no way out. And no support.

[Guest_1055]

Ah a big hello to you Bbydoll!

Did you consider ringing up the number Sophie suggested above? They might be able to suggest some supports in your area. Worth a shot hey.

I am sorry you are experiencing all that you are. It is a lot of stuff going on there.

Have you got any hobbies, anything just to get your thoughts onto something else for a while . I know you like opera, plays and those beautiful trees..

I do hear you about the binge eating. Its tricky that one.

[Bbydoll]

My days are going like this... sleep until early evening - roll out of bed. Watch the news. Watch home and away... binge eat and watch crap on tv until 3 or 5am etc. Brush teeth. Roll into bed. Only getting out of bed for random deliveries from online purchases or if I need to use the bathroom. I haven't been out of the house because of the lockdowns in place. But am seeing my GP this week and getting my first pfizer shot as well.

I received a text at the end of last week saying that I had abnormal results and that I needed to make an appointment. I think I've got problems from my blood test that was taken at my pre admission tests at the local hospital a few weeks ago - my guess is that I'm still anemic. Because I'm not dealing well with the cold weather. I live in flanellette pyjamas and sleep with my electric blanket constantly on!!!

I have no motivation to do any hobbies - occasionally I will do arts and crafts type things.

Not really sure that ringing the number will change anything because ultimately it won't change my health situation or lack of money.

I am going to try and see my friend for dinner and a catch up once this lockdown ends. I'm hoping he will have a bit of free time on his hands then.. as he's the closest person in my life and accepts me and my messed up health - most people don't. People don't hang around, I've been struggling with this and my health since I was a teenager. I'm in my 40s now. And I always try and organize things with my friends but I am never invited out anywhere. No one checks up on me. Only some of my online friends do - because some of them have health issues too, so they worry about me if I don't post on my Facebook account regularly.

[Guest_1055]

Good Morning Bbydoll,

That is great you have some friends on Facebook that check up on you. They seem to care about you. Does that help you knowing that?

Flannelette pyjamas feel so very soft and cosy.

Yeah about the number, just thought they may be able to let you know of support services in your area. Maybe some kind of social support. Yeah I don't know.. I have never rang them up about that.

What places do you like going out for dinner? There is this beautiful historical pub that we like to go to. There food is always so fresh. I normally get mixed steamed vegetables, hot chips with mushroom gravy. Just love looking at the old well kept building.

There is a historical theatre in Sydney.... cannot remember the name of it. But I am thinking you may have been there, since you like live theatre and stuff. It's so beautiful inside. Do you like historical buildings?

I am listening to you in regards to all the illnesses and things going on with the health of your body. But find it challenging to know what to say about it. Only to do your best in eating the most nutritious food your particular body can tolerate.

I am not sure about this... But maybe people don't hang around because you keep talking about your health and focusing on that far to much. It might just get a bit much for them. I am not sure that is what you are like away from Beyond Blue though. And I mean no offense and don't want to hurt you or anything. Just throwing it out there. Depression can make it challenging... It often keeps us looking inward at ourselves. Might be even more challenging for you, because the things that are physicallly not right in your body speak out loud to you as well.

I really do wish I could help you in some way.

Shelley