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Sick and tired of being sick

Bbydoll
Community Member

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

207 Replies 207

I don't talk about my health stuff indepth or anything except for my Facebook page. Because I know most people either don't care or don't want to know what's going on. Except for my facebook page and that's to keep my friends in the loop of it.

People just give up on me. Regardless of anything. Even my brother doesn't want to be around me.. he would rather see his friends!

I don't like going out to dinner - as I'm very uncomfortable in eating out. I can't think of the name of the theatre - but there's one that I go to quite often.. that has butterflies on the ceiling of one of the women's bathrooms. Plus it has sculptures through out it... and the theatre itself is stunning!

my exshrink (who retired) said that my depression is reactive - meaning that my health gets bad, then so does my depression. It doesn't help that I have no real friends (except for one guy, who I rarely see) and absolutely no support. And nothing really to focus on.

Truly sorry about your brother being like that. Wish I had some really excellent advice for you, but I simply don't.

Oh butterflies on the ceiling of the women's bathroom... sounds beautiful Bbydoll. I was curious about what you said there. So I looked it up, and came across the "State Theatre". Thought that may be the one you are referring to. Also looked up the one I went to, it was the Capitol Theatre.

Yeah that sort of makes sense what the exshrink said to you.

The sunshine is out here today, where I am. I will be going for a walk out near the ocean. Love the fresh ocean air. Just breathing it in deeply wakes me up. Have you got somewhere close you can get some sunshine? Even a balcony etc.

And what arts did you do, like drawing, painting? And where you good at it. I have attempted both, me... not so good at it.

You mentioned a puppy or another pet a while back. Wonder if you could provide foster care for one. Or even an inside kitty. One that needs a lot of love. I would struggle with that...possibly just get far to attached and not want to give it back or something.

And how is your mum?

I do hope you can find even a spot of sunshine to soak in.

I will be doing a smoothie challenge soon, if you would like to join me. I know you said you don't have a blender, nor could afford one. But you can get some good ones cheaply. Not sure exactly what your body could tolerate, but please will you think about it. Easy way to get your body flooded with extra nutrients.

See you layer Bbydoll

Shelley

I'm getting what feels pain in one of my top teeth. I'm very overdue to get 2 crowns put on 2 teeth up on the same side. My uncle was supposed to help me out with the payment towards this.. but I asked him initially to pay an outstanding balance I owed of $60 on some previous xrays.. I don't think he has.. and I don't have $2000 to get it done. I don't want to lose any teeth on the "smile line" . I have very little self esteem and self confidence at the moment as it is.

I'm seriously stressed out about this. My anxiety is all over the place, to the point I'm not sleeping and I'm not getting anything done. I was supposed to go to the chemist today to get some medications filled. But haven't left the house. Sat in front of the tv. It's almost 5pm and I have done absolutely nothing all day, except pay my current overdue phone bill. And put in a grocery shop to be delivered on the weekend. In case I get to the shops tomorrow.

I don't want anything else that messes up my already messed up body. Life is so unfair. I'm so sick of this happening to me. I'm so sick of fighting my body and it failing on me. I'm so sick of it being cut by surgeons and put into hospitals and all the toxic medications in my body every single day!

I don't meant to be harsh, and I know how challenging it is to take care of ourselves when we are unmotivated, depressed etc. And I am sorry you are experiencing all this.

If you are really sick of your body being like this. Maybe it's time to make more changes in your life. Give your yourself what you and your body needs. I am scared I maybe sounding bossy or harsh. It is just that I see your worth and you are worth taking care of.

Even if it is baby steps ( oh that fits in with your name) yeah. Just pick one thing that will improve your life and start heading towards it. That is why I suggested the smoothie idea. Our bodies do need proper nourishing foods to function and to heal itself. Sorry if I sound like a no it all. I am truly not. I just want to help and help you see that you are worth taking care of.

As for your teeth. I don't have the financial means either to have expensive treatments. So I am doing things to help in other ways. One is to swish pure coconut oil in my mouth It can be soothing. If you want to know more about that let me know.

Just make baby steps in caring for yourself including your body. And please will you forgive me if I seem harsh. Just care is all.

Coconut oil won't help my teeth. I have one tooth that's less than one quarter left (it got rotten from plaque and dug out - so not much tooth left). The second tooth has a massive hole in it because of damage due to a constant dry mouth because of illnesses - which is why they need crowns. If they don't get them they will eventually have to be pulled out. And an implant is over $3000 EACH!!!

I have no control over what my body does as it my illnesses causing problems and making me need surgeries etc. I follow all of the doctors advice and taking the medications but of course then there's the side effects of that etc.

Last month I started bulk cooking some meals and home made soups, in order to not rely on premade frozen meals. I also took a nutritional supplement to help with my iron levels and that with the iron infusion helped.

I have had half my bowel removed because of illness and one of illnesses affects the rest of the digestive system which is why I don't always absorb nutrients properly adding to everything else I have going on.

Hello knottypigeon,

You look pretty new to Beyond Blue. So yeah just saying hello to you

Good Morning Bbydoll,

Yeah I hear you about the cost of implants. So expensive. Are you with the public dental scheme or whatever that is called? Ah OK the coconut oil may just help as a preventing measure for your other teeth. The holistic dentist I saw, thought it was a good idea, after I told her what I was doing. I also had dry mouth too, not from meds though. I just chew this special gum after I eat a meal. It appears to be helping slowly. I also do regular salt water rinses (with sea salt) Maybe that would be useful, all as a preventing measure to take care of your remaining teeth. Just throwing it out there.

Fresh homemade juices, especially mainly vegetable ones ( where the fibre is removed) may help to. The nutrients go straight into the bloodstream. Not much to digest at all. I have done a ton of juicing over the years. A lot of doctors may not even mention these ways.

It's great you did some bulk meal cooking. Good on you. Do you have a large freezer then? Our freezer is not huge, but I can put some leftovers in there.

Well I am about to head out to walk. I got to get moving.... the sky is looking a bit light grey.

Oh do you have a happy memories book at all? It's a book where you can write your happy memories in. Anything I guess that you experienced that helped you feel happy, or made you smile. I am about to start one. Because sometimes I forget that there has been some happy times in my life.

Ok see you later Bbydoll

Oh what sort of soups did you make? And that is good that the supplement plus iron infusion helped you.

Bye

The dental clinic only pulls out teeth, cleans them and doesn't do crowns. I dealt with them briefly a couple of years ago after I ended up with an abscess and ended up in hospital and had a tooth pulled out on a ward. They treat you and then discharge you and never see you again - even though I am on meds which are known to cause problems to teeth.

I'm feeling suicidal because of it.

I cooked pea and ham soup, chicken and corn soup; vegetable soup with tiny meatballs and also made porcupines (meatballs rolled in rice cooked in tinned tomato soup) -all of these cooked over several weeks. I have a large fridge and a separate stand alone freezer as well.

I don't have a happy memories book. But I put up things and memories with friends on my instagram page

Hi Bbydoll,

Thanks for sharing how you are doing on the forums tonight.  We’re so sorry to hear that you are having such difficulty with your teeth, and this is leaving you feeling suicidal.
We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 
We’re also reaching out to you privately because we are concerned about you.
We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.