Two part post, one part relating to past experiences and the second about possible future options.
A few years ago I attempted suicide in what one GP called a "near miss." I had intended to jump off a bridge but at the last second called my boyfriend for help. I've had several attempts before this one as well.
After this attempt three years ago I got basically no help. I had two GPs at the same clinic who I had been seeing regularly, who were both supposed to be really good doctors and who I would see based on their availability. At the time I wasn't seeing a psychologist because mine had just retired and these two GPs just... Didn't have any recommendations for me to refer to, which was how I found all my previous ones.
My question here is, why wasn't I hospitalised? I think I remember saying I didn't want to go to hospital because I'd heard some pretty scathing reviews about the mental health services in our area, but at that point I was stuck in that 24/7 suicidal mindset. I had a plan, and and attempt. I was terrified to be left alone. I don't understand why nothing was done.
My second question is about how to know when to take yourself to hospital, and how that even works. Do you have to pay to go to a psych ward? I've been researching inpatient programs since the earlier incident and all of them require payment or private health insurance. Are there differences between emergency hospitals and non-emergency ones? How do you know when to check yourself in? Do they expect you to have a plan, or is just thinking a lot about hurting yourself enough? I feel like I'm stuck in this situation where I'm functional enough to survive each day, but over the past three years my mental health has deteriorated so far I feel like I can't do anything about it.
I've seen counsellors and psychologists since then, but due to just a long series of unfortunate circumstances I haven't been able to see one for more than three months before the leave or the funding for their program got cut, or any other number of things. I've been referred and on a wait list for a private clinical psychologist my new, much better GP recommended for about a year, but apparently that wait list still has a few months left to go.
I know this is a bit of a wall of text, so thank you for reading all the way to the end. Any advice from doctors or people who've had experiences with hospitalisation are appreciated ❤️
