26 year old and life filled with regrets, want to quit university

[Star_Gazer1]

Hi,

A bit about myself. I started out studying environmental science at university, did that for five years. I haven't made any friends since high school because of long term social anxiety and depression. I finished my Master of Environmental Science and spent a year looking for jobs with no success, so I spent most of the time working for my parents' business. Over that time I forgot almost everything I knew and I had no notes to fall back on.

I eventually decided to take up a bachelor of business (accounting) and I'm in the second semester of my second year. Halfway through last semester I lost any and all interest in my subjects but I pushed through it because my parents said I would be wasting all that time if I quit then. So here I am back at uni and I feel no motivation, no energy and without the ability to study for more than 30 minutes without checking my phone or anything else just to take my mind off study.

I have a work placement year starting next semester for which I will soon need start applying for and working on my resume, interviews, etc.

I just hate myself for making so many stupid decisions and I just want to quit everything because the anxiety and depression is overwhelming. I have no passion for what I'm doing, I've lost interest in my hobbies and I feel like I'm only living for the sake of it.

Even if I wanted to see a psychologist, the wait times are at least a month for every place I've called, many of which don't even do face to face appointments anymore. I feel I won't be able to survive that long with every day bringing non-stop stress to me thinking about assignments, tests, and my future, day and night.

I wish I could keep working for my parents business and help them out that way, but the future prospects aren't looking good. Looks like I'm just going to have to live with doing a course I don't care about at all and I'm struggling to remember the material for because my memory has gotten so bad, or I try to change my study to something else and live with the guilt of having wasted 8 years of my life going nowhere. It all feels equally shitty. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Star Gazer,

We're sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now but we want to thank you for reaching out here today. We know it's not an easy thing to do and takes a lot of courage but it is so important that you have.

The mental health professionals at our Support Service are reaching out to you via email as we are worried about you.

We want you to know you've come to a safe and non-judgmental place where users give and receive support to one another based on their own experiences with mental health. We're here to give you as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need. It's important to keep in mind that while the peer support offered here is often quick, it is not immediate. For immediate support please reach out to our Support Service directly anytime day or night on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at the Suicide Call Back Service - https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ - on 1300 659 467. Both services offer webchat support (Beyond Blue from 1pm to midnight every day whereas the is SCBS 24/7) if you'd prefer to type than talk about what's going on. If ever you think you're at immediate risk of harm please realise it is an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

Welcome to our caring online forums community. Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Star Gazer~

I'm joining with Sophie_M in greeting you here, I'm glad you met as she give sensible advice.

In some ways I see some things I can relate to in your story, though I basically disagree with your feeling of having wasted your time -I'll explain why in a moment.

I went to uni straight from school as that was what my parents wanted. It was a complete waste of time, only one of the subjects was of any interest to me and the rest just things I had to attend. My work output was terrible and eventually I simply gave up and went and did something more interesting. Many years later I went back to tertiary education, did so because I wanted to, my work was excellent and I enjoyed it

So I learned you can only do these thngs if you want to for yourself. I guess you have learned that too. Your first degree and masters was a success -did you choose it or enjoy it?

The fact you could not find a job simply puts you together with many others, and when a job does come along it may not be in your chosen discipline, many graduates work on things other than the subject of their studies.

In 26 years you have learned you have intelligence, can apply yourself and achieve success -a Masters! You can be adaptable - you worked for your parents

Also it is no use trying to soldier on in a losing situation - why else are you here? You recognize you have mental health issues and are addressing them

That 26 years has given you a lot

All despite depression and anxiety, something I've had to face. I had your inability to remember, difficulty in wanting to do things and the stress of deadlines.

I kept on trying wihtout professional help and kept on getting worse, my self-worth felt so low, as does yours.

When I finally did get the appropriate medical treatment including medication and therapy I started to improve. That improvement has continued until I now lead a life with enthusiasm, enjoy my hobbies, converse on an equal and relaxed basis with others and work productively. I have a loving partner, I return that love and we support each other.

Getting a GP you trust, and then a psychologist or psychiatrist is the way to go, I found that trust in their competence made things work. Sometimes you do not get that with the first you try, so you might try another until you are comfortable.

Please do not be put off by telehealth, I use it and it works, just takes getting used to.

I've not covered everything, no space, but would like to talk with you again

Croix