Lost my full time job over six months ago, it’s taken me this long to finally realize that. Now the anxiety attacks have started. I’ve suffered from depression followed by panic attacks since childhood. I remember my first panic attack. I was 9 at the time and I still recall trying to kill myself, but even that lead to a worsening of the panic attack.
Since then I have had periods of anxiety attacks over the years, which lead to depression at the age of 3, now I’m 55 and had depression ever since.
At this present time I have been suffering from anxiety for 2 weeks, it has totally disabled me. The attacks started when I started working for a new employer, who systematically tried to rip me off, none of the conditions promised were delivered, no tools, no service car, no mobile phone and the laptop they gave me to do the on-site programming was broken. Yet they still expected me to do the service work. It really came to a head when at the end of the day the last job they sent me to hadn’t been confirmed with the client, the client wasn’t there, so my boss said to go home half an hour early. The next day I was informed that I now owned my employer an hour, I said how did that happened as I didn’t want to go early, you instructed me to, he said that doesn’t matter, it’s how they do things there. I then realized the type of company I signed up with. I left 2 days after that when the anxiety attacks started and I couldn’t concentrate on my work.
Now the anxiety has gotten out of control and just the thought of applying for another job is making it worse. I don’t know what to do, I see no future, even the thought of ending my life leads to furthering my anxiety because I’m scared of how my wife and son would be affected by it.
Will this end?
