Same old feelings

[Stax]

Hi All,

Im a newbie here and thought that this maybe a good outlet. Lately i've been struggling with suicidal thoughts or self harm. Like right now i want to have some physical pain instead of numbness, hopelessness, being unfulfilled and all the other negative feelings. Having some physical pain i know how to heal it or stop it from hurting, these other feelings i have no idea how to do it. However, i will not do it, because 1. i don't want to clean the mess when i come too. 2. I can't afford to pay for damages on the property. The upside of lazy i guess.

I have seen a couple of psychologist and feel that the help they try and provide does not work from me - they have diagnosed me with a few mental illnesses (which is helpful). Also, been feeling to damaged too help. The struggle is to find the best one to work with, within a budget and timeframe. Also monthly visits calls builds up my anxiety and then too have it cancelled or postpone just makes me feel even more damaged more rejected. Asking for help makes me vulnerable and I vowed never to be in that position and then that happens... Frustration, anger and too damaged flooded in. Today was one of those days.

So for now its the same old life, same old feelings.

Thanks for the rant.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Stax,

Thanks for sharing your story with the community here. We can hear that you're feeling disappointed and even damaged by the experiences with psychologists and appointments that you've had so far. We understand how difficult it can be to be vulnerable with others. These experiences of seeking help and not feeling an improvement in your mental health may have discouraged you from doing so again. We always urge people like yourself not to be put off by one or even a couple of negative or unhelpful experiences, as what works is different for everyone and things can always improve with the right treatment and support. 

We're sorry to hear that you are feeling the urge to self harm. You might find some of the tips on our page "Self harm and self injury" helpful -  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

It may also be helpful to talk it out. For example, Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. You can call them 24/7 on 13 11 14, or chat with them online 7pm-midnight AEDT - https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/

Thanks again for reaching out here. We hope that you find this community to be helpful - please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going here on your personal thread. Hopefully a few of our community members will be by over the next few days to welcome you. 

[Croix]

DeAar Stax~

Welcome here, I’m glad you have met Sophie_M, she gives good advice.

You have painted a pretty clear picture of how you have been feeling lately and wanting to use self-harm to help you cope. I’m glad you have resisted that temptation; it shows a degree of internal strengt .

Before talking more about your suicidal thoughts would you like to give some idea of your life, it’s hard to see the whole picture at the moment. Without that there is only speaking in generalities and you deserve better than that.

Do you have anyone that cares about you, or anyone you can talk with frankly? Such a person can make things easier, I found that when I finally told my partner about my suicide attempts. From then on I was not as alone.

You did say lately. Does that mean there was a time when all was well, or at least a lot better than now? Did things in your life change to account for the current horrible feelings? You spoke of being damaged and I wonder what you meant. Also too damaged to help. Maybe you have not found the right help as yet. You did say the couple of psychologists you have seen were on the wrong track.

I found a psych I could trust, it took a long time and frankly I do not think the type of therapy involved was the deciding factor in my improvement, that came from meds and the ability to talk. Maybe you need to keep trying for one that is reliable and seems to give you benefit.

I’ll admit doing that is not easy, particularly if there are few where you live, then I’ve been using telehealth and it is surprisingly good.

I hope you do come back and say more, you will always be welcome here.

Croix