Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[Sophie_M]

Hi Neerja,

We're so sorry to hear it's so tough at home and this is leaving you feeling scared and confused. We understand that this must be putting a lot of pressure on you. We think you're a very mature and strong young person who is in a really touch situation. Please know that things can always improve. It's concerning that you're experiencing more suicidal thoughts than usual. We are getting in touch with you privately to check in and offer some support.

It's good to hear that you've found a few things like cartoons help to distract you. We would encourage you to keep a journal of positive activities like this for you to look through when you're having an overwhelming moment. If you're interested, it might be worth taking a look at  on of our Beyond Blue resources, “Create your Beyond Now safety plan” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning/create-beyondnow-safety-...

It's also wonderful to see you developing such a positive friendship with ecomama. You are a valued member of our community Neerja, please feel free to reach out here anytime you're struggling.

[hellohi]

Hi Sophie_M,

I found it a bit difficult to answer the questions of the BeyondNow safety plan, sorry.

I don't know if there are any positive activities for me.

But thank you for your support and kindness. 🙂

Warm wishes,

Neerja

[ecomama]

Dearest Neerja

I'm sorry your parents are involving you in their disagreements. It's not fair and a very immature way to behave with their child.

Can you say "I can't choose between you because I love you BOTH, please don's ask me to do that anymore"
??

Can you say anything to them when they do this?

It's pretty scary going through this. Please reach out here and please call any helplines you need to. Keep reaching out please!

I would LOVE to learn more about Sikhism!
The most I know about it is that it is a very kind and gentle religion.
Is this correct?

OMG Neerja your quotes made me laugh inside (I may have laughed out loud but I was worried by what you said first). Please take care of yourself.

You have the funniest sense of humour. Anyway instead of growing up, I think I'll become CHEESE.

You also have the warmest soul. You are so kind and caring.

I LOVE C.S. Lewis, what an incredible writer he was. Have you read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe?
I bet your school has a copy in the Library if you haven't.
Sometimes I wish EVERY child had a magical wardrobe leading to another place lol.

C.S. Lewis was a Christian and his magnificent character A LION named Aslan was his representation of God in these children's books.

If you're happy to share anything about Sikhism, I WOULD LOVE TO LEARN MORE!

Praying for PEACE LOVE CALM AND HAPPINESS in your life for you.

Love EM

[hellohi]

Hi Ecomama,

I will try to talk to them. It's really hard to talk to them sometimes, but I will try. Today, luckily, they haven't talked about that stuff in-depth today. But they are still giving each other the ''silent treatment'.

You are right, Sikhism is a gentle religion. There is a martial art called Gatka, where Sikhs do sword fighting. In order to unify the spirit and body also to defend themselves and their religion. It teaches self-control; controlling anger and both a spiritual and physical practise. An important thing in Sikhism is that God is said to be self-created and individuals are taught to “becoming the image of the Lord.” In Sikhism all members are treated equally in the temples everyone sits on the floor and eats. All individuals, regardless of their gender, race, disability, age, social class or wealth, are treated with respect and dignity, anyone is able to join the religion and there is this sense of oneness and being together. Females and males are treated the same, the clothing is really similar and there are no gender roles or stereotypes and no form of inequality is accepted.

I WOULD LOVE TO LEARN ABOUT YOUR RELIGION TOO!!!!!

Cheese, lol! I think that when growing up, you should never stop having fun!!! You have an amazing sense of humour and you are really kind, compassionate, caring and fun-loving!!! We need more people like you!!!! Thank you for being my friend and being so kind to me. You really make me feel less alone.

I haven't read books by C.S. Lewis, but I will definitely borrow his books from the school library!!! His writing sounds awesome!!! A magical wardrobe leading to another place would be wonderful. Like when you are having a bad day, you can just leave for a bit. Or when you are bored you can do some exploring. I think is amazing how he represented God by creating the character of a lion!!

How are you doing? Are you feeling a bit better?

Sending you happiness. calmness, wellness and love.

May each day be a great day and filled with laughter, happiness and warmth of sunshine. May all of your hopes turn to wishes, and may all of your wishes come true!

Warmest wishes,

Your friend always

Neerja

🙂

[ecomama]

Dear Neerja

THANKYOU SO MUCH for telling me about Sikhism. Omg just then a GREAT BIG rainbow came across the bay in front of our home - I'm on the covered balcony. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! Can you see it??

I think your religion is SO beautiful. I want to know MORE. (I wish you could point to your religion when talking with your parents lol ughhhh is that too cheeky?)

Gatka - WOW. Are you allowed to do Gatka?

Do you call your place of Worship a Temple? or a Church or ??? Please see me as a 3yo here lol.

Do you have a book of Sikhism? What's it called?

Do you know The Bible literally means "The Book" I think in Arabic (don't slay me other Christians lol).
I don't like the superiority of the way some people speak of Christianity.
Heavens even JESUS travelled to many places to LEARN about all religions.
So if we ask ourselves honestly WWJD ie what would Jesus do? then follow His lead then WE would learn all about all others' religions too.

My parents were 'deeply religious' and oh boy - DID NOT LIVE IT.
They travelled overseas to do mission work and that's why I was born in Asia. SO I'm Asian AND VERY PROUD TO TELL EVERYONE.

My eldest children went to public school and enrolled in a different Religion class each year for "Scripture".
The Office staff had no idea why?
FOR RELIGIOUS EDUCATION I said. On repeat. Each year. Lol.

I love the oneness and equality and dignity and respect qualities of Sikhism. I think I'm a Sikh now.

Is there a God or many Gods or a Messiah (like Jesus) or Prophets etc?
I thank you for your free tutoring lol!!!

I'm getting better thankyou. Surgery later this year but that's all good. I'm Praying on my healing.

I'm pretty sure that God wants me and you on Earth.

Gotta take one child to work for another adult child soon, be back later!

Love EM

[hellohi]

Hi Ecomama,

WOW!!!!!! The rainbow sounds wonderful!!!!!!! I love rainbows, they are kind of like us. The sunny bits and rainy bits form a rainbow and for us, happy experiences and sad experiences form us.

Sorry, I can't see it outside.

Haha, that is a good idea. But you are right, maybe a little too cheeky. 🤣

The worship places are called temples or the more specific term is Gurdwara. You can choose. 🙂

We hardly ever go to the temple, so I never learnt Gatka or read the books because it is written in Punjabi, I can speak a little in Punjabi but I can't read it. The books are called Guru Granth Sahib. But I think online there are English versions, I am going to try to find some.

I didn't know that The Bible means "The Book". Do you go to church regularly?

I understand what you mean about superiority, there are many people who do the same for Sikhism. I think it is amazing to learn about other religions. All people of every religion have something that they can teach others. We can all appreciate the beauty of every religion, there is so much to learn from every religion and the uniqueness is amazing!

In Sikhism, there is one god but it is indescribable, shapeless, timeless and sightless and that was before creation and no one knows who it is and symbolized by the symbol Ik Onkar. But there are 10 gurus, who are describable and people know who they were and they are worshipped.

I would love to learn more about Christianity, could you give me free tutoring? Lol

You should be proud of being Asian! There are so many people who hide where they came from. My parents are Asian but I was born here, so I am Asian too!

It must be annoying to tell the office staff repeatedly, but they should have known about Scripture. I think it is amazing that you enrolled in a different Religion class!

You are a Sikh and Christian!

I am extremely glad that you getting better. I am praying for your healing too. 🙂

I hope your kids have a good time at work! I think my parents are letting me work in a few months too. I really want to work in Officeworks, lol, I know weird choice.

Today I spent the whole day watching cartoons and movies with my younger brother, it was a good distraction from those thoughts and my headaches, lol.

Praying for your healing and wishing your happiness, strength, wellness and peacefulness.

Warmest wishes,

Your friend,

Neerja

[ecomama]

Hi Neerja

Omg I would LOVE a job in Officeworks! I LOVE THAT SHOP. Lol. I go crazy buying the BEST stuff.
During isolation when my grandchildren had to "learn from home" but were being cheeky and not doing their work. I went into Officeworks and bought each family a set of the wild coloured whiteboard markers and each child their own mini whiteboard... and more lol.

I write messages on my fridge in whiteboard marker - have done for 30y. So the grandies did that at their houses! I said "Well guys, at least they're writing now".

I'm so excited for you getting a job Neerja. YOU are getting there!

Have you thought of asking your parents if you can go to Punjabi language classes?
Maybe they run something like that or a Youth Group at the Gurdwara?
(I'm kinda thinking to get some freedom and to meet other kids outside of school)... maybe they'd both be quite flattered about that. IDK.

There ARE ways, we'll think of them. You've done well to bring up getting a job!

Sikhism is a very interesting religion. Is that correct grammar?

I had Bible Study at my house each Monday night, well most of them, but that was cancelled during isolation.

My Church is the Seventh Day Adventist Church. It's a very multi cultural Church and to see so many cultures there is really beautiful. I seldom go to Church on the Sabbath but would like to. I was able to go almost every Sat a while back. SDA have Worship on Saturdays following The Bible's teachings.

All sorts of groups are on there. We are a super healthy eating Church seeing the body as our temple. I love the feasts after Church! I also love the organic Gardening Groups.

I also love the Food Pantry giving out free food and very low cost food parcels for anyone who shows up.
There's a free Cafe there, to feed anyone who wants to come.

I only have 2 more lessons before I can be Baptised. I want to drive a long way for our previous Pastor to Baptise me. I'll have to coordinate that! lol.

Would I be allowed to go to a Gurdwara if there's one nearby? Do you have to wear anything special?
I wouldn't want to be disrespectful.

I know my adult children would love to go too.

I'm pretty excited about you getting a job. I can't wait!

Love EM

[ecomama]

Dear Neerja

I just wanted to pop back and tell you that I think it's WONDERFUL that you spent that time with your little brother watching cartoons all day. I'm sure he would've loved the company. I know your darling mind needed a rest.

GREAT! This is more than self-care, it's nurturing your relationships. Hugs.

Love EM

[hellohi]

Hi Ecomama,

I am really sorry again for the late reply. I pretty much spent the whole day sleeping, I slept at 2 am and then took naps during the day, lol.

We can add another thing to our list, having a HUGE shopping spree at the biggest Officeworks in Australia. It's so fun to see so much stationery! lol WOW!!!! The wild coloured whiteboard markers and mini-whiteboards sound awesome, I think any kid or adult will start writing with them!!!! I am so glad that your grandchildren began writing with them and weren't being cheeky! My younger brother, didn't like writing but when he got a whiteboard for his birthday he enjoyed writing, it was mostly making scribbles at first, but still a success! Writing messages on the fridge is a wonderful idea!!!!!! I am going to start doing it too!!!!!

I don't think my parents will let me start a youth club or go to the Gurdwara, the Gurdwara is quite far and my dad is always at his office and my mum can't drive that far yet. They hardly ever let me go outside the house, I haven't been to the park near my house, lol. But maybe in a few years, it will be a fantastic idea!!!!
I didn't really bring up the job, but my mum works in a supermarket and she sees many 15-year-olds joining, so she thought it would be good for me. My dad thinks I am not ready for a job. I don't know if I am ready or not, but I have written up my resume, in case my parents agree for me to work.

Having a Bible Study every Monday night sounds amazing!!!! Hopefully, when things get more controlled, it will be able to run again. Your church sounds so lovely, beautiful and peaceful!!!!!!! I have never been to a church, but I would extremely love to. The healthy eating and organic gardening groups sound awesome! I really need help with healthy eating, I overeat a lot, which explains why I am so overweight. It sounds so beautiful to seeing the body as our temple, I never thought of my body like that.

The Food Pantry and the free Café sounds wonderful!!! It is beautiful, there is so much kindness, spirituality and sharing and more in Christianity.

Gurdwaras have something really similar, it is called langar, where a free meal is served to all the visitors, it is like a community kitchen, anyone can help cook, give food and serve food. Everyone sits on the floor and eats. Elderly people are served first and they use the tables, sometimes elderly people share their experiences and stories and they are so amazing to hear them!

[hellohi]

I clicked 'post this reply' too early, sorry

WOW, only 2 more lessons!!!! That is amazing!!! I really hope you do go to your previous Pastor to get Baptised.

Everyone is welcome at the Gurdwara, all you need is something to cover your head, which is available in the Gurdwara for everyone. You have to take off your shoes before entering and wash your feet and hands as well. Turn off your devices. You don’t have to wear anything special, there are some people who wear traditional clothing, but not many people do because not many people sell or wear traditional clothing anymore, which is sad.

I love how you said "Well guys, at least they're writing now", haha

We watched 4 Disney movies in one day, lol. Do you like Disney movies?

Watching movies was fun. But during the night it is hard, my head constantly brings up things that have gone wrong and I wake up randomly at different times.

How are you doing? Are you feeling better?

Is your friend still denying treatment?

Hugs to you too 🤗

Thank you for being here and being my friend. I hope you and your family are doing well.

Your friend, always,

Neerja