Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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A Newbies' Story & Seeking support

replies: 9

Three years ago, I tried to commit suicide. I went to the hospital and they held me there and since then I've been afraid of any health services. I won't go to a doctor, or psychiatrist. After that incident I turned my life around, I vowed to outlive everyone. I lost a lot of weight, got fit. Moved out, got a job and a boyfriend. He had to hold my hand to go to a medical test to apply for the job, because I turned pale would have refused to go otherwise. My boyfriend has noticed that roughly once a month I spiral into a deep depression for a couple days. Two months ago, after one of those spirals, he looked through my phone & found history of me researching suicide methods. By the time he'd seen that, I was already out of that mood (Having not acted on it) and had forgotten about doing it. He knew about my past, and I do have a very infrequent habit of self-harm. But this has caused a huge break in our relationship which I don't know if we will recover from, though we are trying. He thinks I have bipolar due to the mood swings which since then have become more intense. He is supportive but distant, which has made me feel more alone. Since that break in my relationship, and Covid making every interaction with strangers at work or on the streets or keeping me home-bound, has made me isolated & even more depressed. My phobia means that I am limited in how I can seek help for my feelings. I don't want to be diagnosed, due to stigma, the fear of hospitalization and an unwanted potential familial link. I don't want my name to be on some file in an office somewhere with my personal thoughts, feelings, history; No matter how confidential they are promised to be, I know that they can be subpoenaed, accessed by other staff, or forwarded for referral. Because of these, I'm wary to open to up to anyone, particularly with the threat of hospitalization looming over me if I even mention suicide. So I feel I can't be completely honest in those circumstances. There is also the fact that the psychologists there were strangers (Online is different, I feel protected by my anonymity), with the power to keep me from going home; I felt they were placating my distress, with a facade of understanding and sympathy when they held all the power. So, what can I do? I don't want to undo all of the good I've done in the last three years but I can't control how I've been feeling. Are there alternatives to traditional psychiatry/therapy? I thought this forum might be a place to start,

thank you for reading

replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm Harry. At the time of typing this I'm finding it hard to put all of my problems on the table. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for about 3-4 years and it's mainly because of school, and it has affected other aspects of my life, such as being social with people and having motivation to do the things I love. At some points in the last few years I've felt that I don't want to be alive anymore, I've felt worthless, but I was and still am too scared to do it, but not because people care about me, but I'm scared of dying (how ironic). I've tried counselling which didn't help me at all, and I've visited a psychologist in the recent months but due to complications of the pandemic, it has been hard to visit again. I may be 16 turning 17 and still have so much of my life to live for, but I also have my mind circulating the fact that I will be alone for a long time. I honestly believe that the concept of a relationship is a beautiful thing; two people that have each other's back and also understand each other. As I mentioned, there's still so much time for that, but with the feelings I'm experiencing, I can't help but envy the happiness that one experiences in a relationship. I haven't mentioned much or gone into much detail, but if anyone has read all of this, thank you for your time.

Tick all the boxes but still empty

replies: 4

A few events lately have meant that I’ve fallen really low within myself and struggling daily with the thoughts in my head. I’m not someone who talks about feeling or emotions. But a few things happened that made me question myself. I’ve realised that for at least the past 20 years I don’t actually don’t feel emotions like everyone else. I don’t get excited because I might get let down. I don’t feel happy even when it should be a happy occasion (a wedding). But then I don’t feel overly sad in times that I should ( a funeral). It’s like I’ve built up my walls to protect myself but it means I don’t feel anything. I’ve gone on holidays to places people would love but I don’t feel anything and just take photos in the hope that I can enjoy it later at another time when I get home. same for all aspects of my life. I just am not really living in the moment. Like I’m an observer of my own life. It’s hard to explain. And I’ve suddenly had a moment where I realise that maybe I’m missing out on something? Maybe I don’t fully feel emotions. I rarely laugh or enjoy things. Even when I know I should be. I play with my kids and go through all the motions but I just don’t feel happiness. I tick all the boxes for happiness. I have no logical reason for not being happy (have a job, house, kids). I keep busy to keep me distracted from dropping too low. If I don’t keep distracted then I’m in a pretty bad place. Now that I finally have realised this (that I don’t feel emotions) I’m second guessing my decision making ability. Which is perhaps triggering some emotions that I’m not sure I’ve felt properly before (true guilt ?). My brain struggles to comprehend all this and the only thing that makes me feel something or ground me, is to harm myself. It sounds bad when I write it. But I know it’s not right. But it’s like thats some kind of release or someway to punish myself for letting myself feel some emotions ? I don’t know. I’m not trying to kill myself. I’ve hurt myself a few times over the past month. It seems to help me but I know it’s not right. I have a great job and I’m worried people will start to question me about my injuries. I did go to the doctor about 7 weeks ago and she gave me medication. Could the antidepressants be making me worse ? (I have hurt myself before but many years ago ). Have I just been depressed for 20 years or is living with no emotions just a normal part of life ?

Don’t know how to keep going

replies: 3

So I’m 23 and I feel like my entire life has fallen apart around me over the last year, I’ve gone from living out of home with a full time job, were I have now lost my job of almost 3 years and have had to move back in with my parents who I have not the best relationship with, these last few weeks at home have been hell, my mums threatened to kick me out multiple times and has spent majority of the time comparing me to my brothers who are pretty much drop kicks what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared that I don’t know how long I can keep this up, I’m not close enough to any family or friends to talk about this, everyone expects me to keep on smiling because I’m that friend but every day it’s getting harder, I don’t know if I feel like ending it but there are these dark thoughts circling in my mind and I really need help in how I can even start to bring these subjects up to people

I think I need help

replies: 11

I think I need help. All I can think about is how to hurt myself. I lay awake at night thinking of new ways to make myself hurt. I know it is not normal. I know I should not even be thinking about this, but I dont know how to stop. When I hurt myself, the thoughts stop for a while, but then they come back until I do something else. I dont know how to ask for help. When I try, I cant get the words out. I am terrified of what my husband would think. I have everything to lose if anyone found out.

Don't know what to do anymore

replies: 3

My depression has worsened, the days are bleak and getting so much hard to fight. It just doesn't seem to end, the exhaustion and the desperation for a break seems to worsen each day. My head is going crazy with negative thoughts, I can't seem to get... View more

I feel worthless and that nothing will ever chane

replies: 5

Two years ago I nearly took my life and spent two months in hospital and had a year off work. This occurred after a dreadful time in two horrific workplaces which just demolished my self confidence. I thought I was over it but today I have been triggered and just don’t know I can continue and whether I’ll ever be the person I was. I feel so worthless and useless. I’ve tried to call LL and BB but both are staffed to midnight. I can’t sleep and the pain feels like it is in poles in my chest and is dragging me down. I can’t tell my husband as I don’t want him to think I’m going backward but I just don’t know how I will continue. I feel guilty because I know there are people much worse than me.

I'm so very very tired and empty

replies: 2

I have a long history of depression, Bipolar II, my BP wasn't diagnosed until I was about 50, I made a suicide attempt at 20. I think I've done pretty good to make it this far, I am now 63. But I feel like I have now copped jsut one hit too many, and I find myself constantly thinking of suicide, I have support from a good psychiatrist, a fantastic GP, and a good psycholgist. But in the end there is only so much they can do, they can't change the underlying facts which are currently playing havoc with my moods. My BP was reasonably well managed until about 18 months ago. Then my younger brother died, that shook and upset me, a week later I had a serious car accident, which in nothing short of a miracle I survived. I fell asleep at the wheel on a long stretch of straight country road, on cruise control, at 100 kph. My physical injuries were pretty minor, but I did suffer head injuries and concussion. I suffered PTSD for months and my pyschiatrist said it through all my medication out of balance. My boss didn't understand. He picked me up from a regional hospital, 4 hour drive from Melbourne, and on the drive back at about 6 pm he said "you've had a rough time, take tomorrow (Thursday) off and I will see you at work Friday. I made a lot of mistakes at work over the following weeks/months and covered some of them up. The boss didn't really believe I had concussion because my head did not look like it had been beaten around enough. Then a few months later, my wife demanded a divorce, we are fighting custody, and then I lost my job with the coronavirus. We've sold our matrimonial home, my wife, funded by her mum, has a new home, I am still looking. I don't think I can afford to buy, and if I rent I figure I will be bankrupt in under 10 years. My financial advisor agrees. I have lost all motivation. I've worked damned hard, very hard, very long hours since I was 20, now I am 63 and I feel like I have lost it all. Despite all of the anti-depressent and mood stabilising medication I am on, I find myself crying frequently. Mainly when I think of shared custody of my 14 year old twins. They want to spend most of their time with mum, why spend time with dad when he is so depressed so often, that's not much fun. Come night the depression gets worse being alone, and still don't get to sleep until 2 am. I am lost, and have constant negative thoughts. I'm tired and with Covid restrictions I am so lonely. It's so hard to keep going. I'll stop now, the drink is depressing me but it is also putting me to sleep. I feel so empty, a completefailure, 63 years and I end up here. With nothing, and shared custody of my kids, but without a financial capacity to in any way match the gifts my wife and her family will shower on them. at 18 she buys her grandchildren a car each, and then she takes them overseas for extended trips, months. I feel irrelevant to their lives.

Why would my psychologist ask me if I am depressed?

replies: 17

I have been seeing her for about 2 years now... but I mean, why would she ask me? I don’t know. It feels like a trick question. I want to disappear. She asked me two weeks in a row, and I just looked down and shrugged my shoulders. I don’t know what ... View more

I can't see any future anymore

replies: 2

The world has gone completely to hell. I haven't seen anyone in months. I'm in Melbourne and there's no future here. There can't be when 90% of people who have symptoms of coronavirus just go out anyway. What on earth is the point, I'm never going to be able to see anyone again. Why even try? This is just going to go on forever and it's pretty obvious there are wars coming after this, then climate change. I'm so angry and sad and lonely and I just want it to stop. I don't have the means to kill myself so I'm not going to do it, but it still seems like the only option to escape this nightmare.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

A Newbies' Story & Seeking support replies: 9

thank you for reading replies: 2

Tick all the boxes but still empty replies: 4

Don’t know how to keep going replies: 3

I think I need help replies: 11

Don't know what to do anymore replies: 3

I feel worthless and that nothing will ever chane replies: 5

I'm so very very tired and empty replies: 2

Why would my psychologist ask me if I am depressed? replies: 17

I can't see any future anymore replies: 2