I just wanted to share a realisation I’ve had since last night. After several weeks of suicidal feelings and a strange anxious depression, I’ve realised that biological changes I’m going through that I’m now becoming conscious of may be a factor. I’m 47 and perimenopausal symptoms are becoming quite apparent.
While there is no doubt underlying trauma issues I’ve been looking into are part of it, I’ve realised the emotions around these issues have been greatly intensified by hormonal imbalances that have become more radical.
I’ve just read an article that describes depression as being 16 times higher in perimenopausal women than in other groups of Australians, according to the Medical Republic, a publication by doctors and journalists. A recent study found 1 in 10 perimenopausal women have suicidality. Research has also shown women developing clinical depression during perimenopause when they didn’t previously have it, and others whose depression was under control finding it’s no longer controlled. Conventional treatment approaches to depression may not work as well in perimenopausal depression, from what I’ve read, so I’m looking to see what is known about alternatives.
So with this insight I’m going to seek some professional health care advice. Just knowing that hormonal factors are likely involved takes the edge off feeling horrendous. I still don’t feel quite right but I can see the fuller picture now of why things have recently gone downhill.
So if you are in a similar age bracket and you have feelings towards suicidality and/or self-harm, this may be another avenue to look at and it can be worth doing some research and talking to health care professionals (even though I know this can seem really hard when you’re in the middle of these feelings).
I thought I was going crazy but the unbalanced feelings are making sense. I’ve become aware of parts of myself that split off in the past due to trauma and these parts of myself have been especially distressed in recent weeks as hormones have destabilised. Now more in my attention I can work towards healing and re-integrating those parts of myself.
Previous suicidal thoughts have linked to specific traumatic stressful events in my life that overwhelmed me. This time it made less sense but it’s becoming clearer now. It’s kind of a relief and I hope to feel better soon.
