Parents ignoring issues

[_01_01_]

Hi all.

I'm a teenage girl with a sister not very far apart in age from me. Between the last 2/3 years I've really been struggling with my mental health. I saw a therapist for a while who immediately told my parents that I had depression after our first few sessions. I know this because she told me and asked what I'd like to do in terms of the future with this. She offered anti-depressants and I told her that if these would help, I'd like to go on them, however, my parents strongly opposed and refused to talk to me about it. All I know is that my Mum doesn't believe in medication and my Dad completely doesn't really believe in mental health. He definitely has his own issues which he refuses to see a therapist for.

However, around halfway through last year my sister began struggling with her mental health. I could see all the signs which I saw happening to myself and I really tried to help her. She was irritable all the time and cared a lot less about life. I found sh tools in her room which I threw out without telling her I found. (I was also and still do sh) When my parents found out about her struggling with her mental health, they promptly took her to a therapist who gave her medication. After this I was finding myself really irritated by this situation because when I was going through the same thing, they didn't intervene and I suffered in silence. 

I was better for a few months where I was clean from sh. Then my sister started struggling and it reminded me how my mental health was neglected. Then I fell back into the pit with no guidance. I can tell that my Dad at least favors my sister over me because she's always been sportier and more aligned to his interests. Whenever I talk to my Dad, it always turns into a lecture of some sort. We went on a holiday for a month and my mental health took a steep decline. I was constantly arguing with my family for things my sister would do which I'd get blamed for. There was point where I was really struggling and critiqued constantly by my family for being lazy.

I'm just so angry about this situation. I feel so neglected and as though my family doesn't care about me or love me as much as my sister.

Does anyone have any guidance?

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome to the Forum, a place where if you look around you will find others that have had to try to live with unreasonable parents and have self-harmed too.

It is very upsetting for your parents to get treatment for your sister, having ignored your depression. I can't explain why though I'm not sure it is a matter of loving her more. They may understand her more if she likes the things they do, and if thay have seen the results of her self-harm it may have spurred them into action - despite their mistaken beliefs.

It was sensible of you to throw away her stuff, I hope you managed to talk to her about the both of you and get on well.

You were the first, and it may have been easier to ignore your psych and the whole situation and hope it would go away, with your sister it was their second time round and maybe that was a way of making them think these things are real -and dangerous.

I know when my depression is bad I do not feel like - in fact cannot -  do a lot of things, which to those with no idea might think laziness. They need education.

Since your sister started treatment have you approached them again, pointing out you have the same issues? Better yet is there someone else to be your advocate and persuade them independently?

This might be another family member (even your sister), a friend, a school councilor or your GP. What do you think?

It is important you do get professional help, depression makes life so miserable and self-harm is an addictive coping mechanism that needs more and more, and can be prone to  disastrous accidents. Both can be helped a lot. The fact you went off self harm for a while is a most hopeful sign, and the fact my depression was brought well under control means there is hope there for you too.

If you would like to someone independent I'd suggest phoning the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) (I'd advise not texting them which only has short sessions and very long waits). They are very experienced, sensible and can be a real comfort.

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that presents so many different challenges. I'm so glad you're continuing to seek guidance, as the greatest of guides can often help light the path ahead.

I think there can be a variety of reasons as to why parents appear to favour one child over the other

• One child can appear to be managing better than the other. Appearances can be deceiving. The child that seems to be coping better can actually be keeping a lot to themself, trying to manage a lot on their own
• If one child is a highly active person who ceases a lot of their activities, the difference in their way of life can appear more obvious (more alarming)
• If one child appears to be more challenging, it can be easier for a parent to gravitate toward the less challenging child, sometimes because it's easier in certain ways. In other words, they don't want to rise to high level challenges because it can require a lot more work. In fact, such challenges hold the potential to not only raise that child but to also raise the parents in the process too (to greater levels of consciousness). As a mum, I say this from experience. While my 22yo daughter was always more challenging than her 19yo brother when they were younger, she's the one who's raised me the most in certain ways, to become a very different person from who I once was. She's led me to become a far more conscious and more feeling person

Just a handful of many possible reasons. 

As someone who's faced some seriously depressing challenges over the years at certain times, I've found one of the most important questions to ask is 'What is it that has led me to feel myself in a depression?'. It's one thing to diagnose depression, it's another to find the reason/s as to why we're in that depression. The people who tend to make the biggest difference to me when I find myself in a depression are the kinds of people who'll wonder with me, so that I'm not left wondering alone (as to why I'm in it). The greatest of revelations can come about through wondering together with people. For example, could the depression we find ourself in be purely physically/chemically based (a serious dopamine deficiency, vitamin or mineral deficiency, sleep deficiency etc)? Could it be mentally based (generated by certain belief systems, identity related issues, inner dialogue factors etc)? Could it be a soulful based depression or could it involve all 3 factors combined, a mental/physical/soulful or soul destroying depression? 

Something else I've found worth considering is 'Who is the most sensitive member of the family?'. In other words who has the the greatest ability to sense how the environment feels, other people's emotions or vibes feel, how dismissiveness feels, how a lack of guidance or inspiration feels etc etc?

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome. 

It is very sad to read what happened - that when you get have an issue it sounds like you are not supported and when the same happens your sibling, the opposite happens. Not only that it shows you also care for your sister very much... It's OK to feel angry and frustrated with all of this.

Even though it seems you are not getting the support of your family, do you talk to anyone when things get bad (for lack of a better word) for you? Even kids helpline can help you through these moments.

Do you mind if I ask whether you have tools for coping?

In this instance I don't have much more to add, except a wish to hear more of your story. You deserve to get support. Listening ...