Occurring Suicidal thoughts

[Cocotheythem]

Hi everybody,

I have been experiencing suicidal thoughts for quite a while now. I have started to self harm and I cant stop. I am lacking sleep and I am feeling upset or down often, about different things. I don't know how to stop the pain I'm feeling. I often find myself thinking about what my friends and peers life would be like without me, and feeling like nobody likes me. I also find myself thinking about death. My life honestly isn't the greatest right now and it hasn't been for a while. I don't feel like there's anybody I can talk to about my suicidal feelings, as I tried talking to a friend and they ignored me, and when I tried talking to a family member they refused to believe it. I feel like nobody likes me, and there's no need for me in this world. I don't know what to do anymore.

[therising]

Hi Coco

I'm so sorry to hear your psychologist wasn't able to lead you to open up more. Sophie has offered you some thoughtful avenues where you may find the support in opening up, leading you in the direction you most desire.

You definitely should be proud of all you efforts so far. Unless someone has experienced the depths of depression, they have no idea of what it takes just to be here each and every day. While trying to manage those torturous thoughts, depression can also become so incredibly exhausting. It's definitely an exhausting battle, that battle to find the best in our self.

As I mentioned to someone just the other day, I found depression to feel like a battle between who I thought or believed I was vs who I truly am. Any moment in which you can find the truth becomes a moment where you've gained ground. I think one of the hardest parts of depression comes down to not only finding the truth but fully coming to believe in it.

• Is it true you can't open up or is it true no one has yet led you to open up?
• Is it true your feelings are irrational or is it true that they have great meaning, carrying messages for you to 'listen to'?
• Is it true that depression is all in our mind or is it true that depression can feel heartbreaking, we can feel it in our body and even on some soulful level?

There are so many truths to be found. Without the right people around us to lead us to hear, see or feel the truth, it can be hard to recognise. Personally, I've found the easiest way to come to recognise what's true involves feeling what is a lie. Imagine someone was to say 'Depressed people are weak'. How would that lead you to feel? It would lead me to feel agitation or if I was depressed it may lead me to feel 'down'. Can you feel that feeling, if someone was to say that? Now, if someone was to say 'Someone who experiences depression is a fighter. Someone who experiences depression is powerful enough to be asking themself the hard questions, questions that most people aren't thoughtful or brave enough to ask themself. Those who face depression are desperate to consciously evolve and that, my friend, is powerful in itself', how would you feel? Would you feel an uplifting feeling? So, you could say the truth feels uplifting. Feelings are highly significant, esp when it comes to being a human lie detector 🙂

If someone ever says something questionable, it pays to ask 'How do I feel about that?' By the way, you're spot on; ignoring feelings doesn't help.

🙂