Not sure what to do

[slient_thinker]

Slowly everyday I feel very very alone. I have people in my life but they all seem to have an aura that if I told them it won’t go far or I’ll just be pushed out because I’m too much. I miss having a support system, people who stayed because they cared enough to try. I never wanna be a burden on people in my life I try to stay happy for them but what about me why can’t I just feel supported and cared for I just want to drop the mask. My partner seems like he can’t handle these situations so I don’t ever wanna burden him but where does that leave me. Trapped alone with no simple help to talk to. I feel so alone and like life has a never ending tip me off the edge. What even is the point trying to live longer I’ll die in the end so why wait it will just bring more pain and living through these battles over and over. I know I won’t end it I feel bad for everyone  else but why should I care for them why can’t I care for myself I just want to have a purpose 

[Croix]

Dear Silent_thinker~

Welcome here to the Support Forum, it's a pretty good move to come here as if you  look around you will find many people who  have had similar problems to you. Some of the ways there coped might be of help.

For a long time I kept suicidal thoughts to  myself, and thought nobody could – or  would want to - help. It left me all alone

That did change and I shared some of my feelings with my partner, who promptly took me to see my psychiatrist - I'd not told him and he was just treating me for anxiety and depression.

To start with my partner was completely lost how to handle things but after my thoughts and actions were explained to  her as being well known symptoms, and importantly nothing she had done -  she was able to try to help - very much a learning process for her. But at least I could talk.

So I too found being in isolation is terribly hard, and trying to put a mask on for everyone works for a while, but wears you down and you feel even more alone

Do you think it might be a case that your partner panics, not knowing what to do? That can end up with you both avoiding the subject, and results in you feeling even more alone -and things are very unfair.

May I ask if you are getting medical assistance - a GP, psychologist or psychiatrist perhaps? If so would one of them be prepared to have him in and advise him of ways to handle matters and give explanations?

If not another good source is the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). Now they give advice to people who are concerned about their loved ones

They are also an excellent place you can go by yourself and talk - more than once without having to repeat yourself. When alone they can help

I’d like to say  more, particularly abut life feeling pointless but will leave that for another time as I'm out of space

I hope we do talk some more

Croix 

[slient_thinker]

I was seeing someone about a year ago but I felt myself feeling better and free so I stopped, I’ve seen a doctor about many many reasons as to why I’m like this and they never give a direct answer 

maybe it is a hormonal problem or mental illness but no one has ever given me an answer just teach me how to do breathing techniques 

I know I’m not scared to open up to anyone it’s more the what ifs that make me back out, I’ve had many people back out due to needing to think of themselves instead of my problems that I’ve come to step away entirely from even reaching out. 

my partner seems hard to figure out, I once confided in them about something personal and a few days later they said ‘look I wanna be there but sometimes that’s stuff you tell your other friends not me’ so since then I’ve been completely scared to even try to open up to him about anything going on in my head.

I’ve booked a doctors appointment for next week I hope I can finally get answers and help 

[Sophie_M]

Dear slient_thinker,

We are pleased to see that you found the strength to post about your confusion around being a support to others, but not receiving support yourself. Croix, and other members of our community, are wonderfully helpful and supportive.

We understand that it can become very draining when we only support other people, but never receive support from others. As Croix mentioned, it is not sustainable over long periods of time.

We understand that sometimes, when we try to communicate our needs to our partner or family, our emotions can become quite intense, and we may believe we communicated an understanding that our partner didn't actually get. When this happens, it could help to first talk with a mental health professional like the ones at 1300 22 4636. They may be able to  help us sort out what we want our partner to know, so we might then be able to communicate that thought to our partner clearly.

Please continue posting whenever you wish. We are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.