Hi Papan
It's heartbreaking, facing what you are. It's heartbreaking in a number of ways: To hear how you're reaching or have reached breaking point, to hear how stressful, depressing and mind altering things have become for you, to imagine the pressure you've been putting on yourself under when it comes to continuing trying to achieve what sounds impossible. What sounds impossible is to keep managing through complete and utter mental and physical exhaustion. I wish I was able to say something that could offer you instant relief, so at least you could feel what relief feels like in your body. Something different from feeling dread each day.
Addressing something Tony mentions, I worked in residential care some years back which was a home to 6 male adults with varying degrees of intellectual challenge. Some of the guys entered care when they became young adults, based on the physical strength they'd developed and the types of assaults their parents faced from them on an almost daily basis. When we think of domestic violence, the imagination typically goes straight to spousal abuse or abuse from a parent towards a child. Then we feel deep compassion for the spouse or child who is on the receiving end. You deserve the same level of compassion, the same guidance and support, the same relief and the same care. While you face unique circumstances regarding domestic violence (violence in the home) you also face the need for a unique kind of care. Wondering whether you've ever considered caring for yourself by looking into respite care, if not full care for your son. You need a break before you break.❤️
