My depression (what I'm going through, right now)

[MOOSMONATOR]

No one cared for me for why should I care for them? If I do, that's just gonna ruin my life even more... Sometimes there never is a reason/cause to someone being depressed, and for people, different emotions can be stronger and show more in them, and for me, it sadness... I'm just depressed all the time. I'm starting to think no one cares, and why would they anyways, I haven't done anything special. I'm one of those people who is there for others but no one is there for me, and it's ruining my life, I need to stop caring. I've also been thinking that I'm not perfect, I'm starting to work on my body so that people might like me, even though I'm under weight from not eating. I have considered killing myself MANY times but has never had the strength or energy to do it. I might seem fine at school and stuff but that's just me hiding my depression, or what I like to call it "a mask of emotions" which I put on to hide the emotions I don't want people seeing and having the fake emotions show instead, like happiness and stuff like that. And on top of all that, I broke up with my GF who I was dating for 4 years, because she was at my old school (8 hours away in a different town) and at that same time, my best friend was in hospital, and recently 1 of my friends have dated my crush (I was Heart broken from that) and my other best friend likes her, and he has a better chance at getting with her instead of me. So for that reason I think I should just give up on caring about other, because it's ruining my life. I can't get heart broken if my crush dates my best friend, if I don't care about them.

[Sophie_M]

Hi MOOSMONATOR, 

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are going through a really rough time right now and it must be so saddening to think that other don't care for you the way that you care for them. We recognise that being a caring person can sometimes take a toll and sometimes life can be unfair. We can see that you are doing a lot of work on yourself to be liked, loved and accepted and it must be so difficult to be trying so hard to change so many different things and then not receive the love that you put out.

We have contacted you privately to offer you some support, so please look at your private messages.

There are other supports as well. If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.  

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone here and the community is here to support you.