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Mixed feelings
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I dont wanna deal with this anymore and i dont know what to do about it . Im actually scared because i dont wanna hurt anymore but i dont wanna make anybody else hurt either
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Hi me again..it is great to chat to you some more Nic 1233 and I can hear how frustrated and how fed up you are. I am so glad to chat to you some more and while I don't know the answer and I can't make it better I am here, to listen and to help you purge the junk that builds inside.
I don't think you are asking for very much at all for one good day, one good moment and something to make you genuinely feel like there is hope, that there is purpose and that there really are better days ahead. I have had to sometimes create my own good moments on days when I feel defeated, when I can't understand why every one around me is dying or taking their lives. My days are improving now and I know this not to be true and that not "Everyone" is taking their lives, and not "everyone" is dying and that on that day it was totally overwhelming and I was allowed to feel it and be shocked and devastated. BUT..I did go outside and stare at a tree, and noticed the leaves and the way they softly danced on the branches, looked at one little bird and wondered what that little bird had seen today, seen in it's whole life, wondered where it was off to next. To give my crap of the day to that little bird and let it fly away. I know it sounds stupid and ridiculous but in that moment it did make me feel better.
Sometimes it is making a choice to do something that you know will make you feel good. Like "today I am going to have a piece of cake with my coffee", or even "I am going to sit and watch my favorite movie", to create moments for yourself that you do feel good about you, you are worth so much and you are worth some joy, even if sometimes we have to create it, the more we invite it, the more it will come...I do believe that.
I am so happy to chat to you some more and I hope that you don't find this post too cheesy and full of BS but I just want to share what works for me..that is all I have.
Hugs to you Nic1233
Today you will find a beautiful moment.
Sarah
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We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community tonight and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you.
Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you.
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it.
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Hello my friend:
Do I believe in fate?....ABSOLUTELY....I do think things happen for a reason and the reason you were late to work and avoided that scene was maybe not even the reason...if you know what I mean...but a little sign to remind you that there is something better for you coming. I think about even the bad things and surely what could we possibly have to learn about that..I have given much thought as to why I had to suffer the suicide of my brother, why my family had to...and of course the answers are so varied and so many but mostly I take out of it that if nothing ever happened to us...then nothing would ever happen to us..no growth..no resilience..no compassion..no ability to help another..no ability to help ourselves. While my brother's death actually had nothing to do with me, I know that, but I have chosen to see that there was something good that came out of it..in fact a few things:
* I have a whole new relationship with my father that I NEVER had..my heart feels happy.
* I found this place called the Beyond Blue forum, and while I came here in a mess desperately seeking the answers from someone to tell me why this happened, I am here with a whole new set of eyes and a whole new depth to my heart. If my words and support can help just one person, just one, that would mean the world to me.
* I have been able to support another family through the same experience that I am not sure I would of had a clue what to do if I had not of experienced it myself, I felt like I helped them through their first few weeks/months.
Anyway, enough about me..maybe the clinic is a wonderful idea, it might be the time when you do meet that nurse or that doctor or that social worker that connects with you, that you feel like what they are saying is actually making sense and that they can provide you with some tangible things to help you to keep on your journey to wellness. I hope that your work would support you through this, especially during this time when things are even more stressful in the community and perhaps with your role due to these stresses with COVID.
I would really like to see you get some good solid support and help before you do lose it and even be in a safe space so that you can lose it and get the help and the guidance to get all the pain out.
I am here for you to chat anytime, while it might not be until the next day, you can be sure I will always have by hand out to be here to support you Nic1233.
Hugs
Sarah
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