Mixed feelings

[Guest_4593]

I promised myself i would stay off this and i would stop talking about how im feeling, but im just so overwhelmed right now, i can feel my anger boiling over right now even though half hour ago i was crying, i cant explain it but i just wanna physically hurt right now.. and i should just get a diary instead of writing on here but it helps me to write and feel like someone is actually, not listening but knows how i feel even though i don't no anyone
I dont wanna deal with this anymore and i dont know what to do about it . Im actually scared because i dont wanna hurt anymore but i dont wanna make anybody else hurt either

[Guest_4593]

Omg sarah im so sorry, god life sucks

[Aaronsis]

Hey Nic1233

Thank you so very much for your support and your kindness, I was so focused on preparing myself for the anniversary of my brother's passing that the call from my other brother to day my mother was with the ambulance was a huge shock.

You asked if it was just the three of us, my father and mother separated when I was 22. I have a brother from this relationship. Then my father remarried and they had a baby when I was 26, so my youngest brother and I shared the same dad. I am so grateful that my father is here in Melbourne now as he came down to take care of my grandmother the very day before my mother passed away so it was so unusual he was here but I am so grateful he is, my brother and I have really needed his support.

I wanted to say that you being a listener does not mean you have the answers, sometimes that is better! We as humans instinctively try to "fix" others and sometimes we don't want that, just a person to care and to listen and to sit with us in our time of need, not to throw solutions and scenarios at us and to make it all better. I am trying to be better at this and know that I don't have to have the answers and that sometimes just letting another person know you care and are there for them is what they need, so I am happy to have you to listen to my situations too Nic1233.

Life does have it's moments but I have to keep reminding myself that there are so many good things too and that while I have had a few hits over the head, I have my children and my health, I have great friends and I am loved. I know that it will not always feel this bad and that in time both the passing of my brother and my mother will feel less sore and heavy, but today I cry as I need to, and even laugh when I remember something funny and allow myself the journey that is healing. Also chatting to wonderful people like you helps so much too.

Hope today is a good one for you and that you are doing well, looking forward to chatting some more to you Nic1233.

Hugs

Sarah

[Guest_4593]

Sarah i wish i had your positive outlook on life, i know this must be a extremely difficult time for you and your still trying to look at positive things, good for you. And even more incredible your on this site trying to help others . Im sure i speak for every person you have responded to when saying thank you for obviously being a incredible person and trying to help others when you must be in so much pain thank you and i hope you really are ok and im happy to listen to you 24/7 if you need

[Guest_4593]

Its all just to hard

[Sophie_M]

Hey Nic1232, thanks for reaching out tonight. We're sorry to hear things aren't going well for you. Is there something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing? It sounds like you're in a really exhausting situation. If you don't have much support where you are, we'd suggest joining some local support groups or parent groups. You can find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

Please remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk it through. You're never alone. In difficult moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Guest_4593]

You are my healthiest distraction my hand on my phone instead of other things

[Guest_4593]

Ok im done with this , i thought it would help i wanted someone to talk to . But i got the distraction posting and waiting for posts... but it makes me worse . And listening to others makes me feel guilty and i take on everyones problems.... i dont wanna live, but i get disgusted at what i give to everyone. And i cant get a single honest conversation back in return. Haha i think im a better person than anyone I know and that just makes me feel crap aswell

[sisu100]

Hi Nic1233,

I've only just stumbled across this thread so I hope you don't mind me jumping in.

I'm truly sorry to hear that posting has not been helpful for you. It can definitely be a lot to listen to others and their problems, and I can understand if you'd like to take some time for yourself away from the forums.

It sounds like things have been really overwhelming and painful for you, to the point where you don't want to live. Are there people in your life who are able to support you during this time? Remember there is also Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) if you need.

I just want you to know that I am here for you, as are many others, to provide support and honest conversation whenever you'd like. You do not have to do this alone, we really do care about you and are here to help you. Is there anything we can do to help right now? Please do know that we will always be here for you whenever you need.

[White_Rose]

Hello Nic

I am sorry you are back in that dark place. This is an honest reply as you requested.

There is no need to be concerned about the problems of others. We are each responsible for our own journey. Trying to help everyone is an impossible task and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. I read these BB threads constantly and I find some are just beyond me. I do not have the answers or resources for every single person who posts here.

Yes I would love to be able to do that and sometimes I feel bad about it and worry some of these people may not get answered. Sometimes the posts trigger me by reminding me of where I came from and suddenly I am back there. When you think you have got over something or have coping strategies it is hard to fall over again. I rely on others writing in those areas I cannot and the wonderful people on this forum come up with the goods time after time.

My feelings are as different to yours as they are from anyone else. That's because we are human and fallible. We just do not have all the answers. I wish I had a magic cure to make everyone well but I don't. I once asked my GP to wave her magic wand. She laughed and said the batteries were flat. It's horrible being depressed and so far down. I know because I have been in my equivalent place.

I don't pretend to feel as you do. All I need is to know you hurt and how much I hurt and how bad it is and to reach out to you because I also have an experience of pain. It's not a competition. After all, who want to feel the worst but sometimes this pain seems to shield us from worse pain. It's an old friend and we keep it close to ourselves. It's like having your own personal devil sitting on your shoulder telling you how useless you are.

Give it the flick. Yes it will come back until it can no longer get a foothold on you. The journey will be hard and painful. We have relapses on the way and stumble over the smallest obstacles skinning our knees and bleeding (metaphorically of course).

Today I read a comment saying you become what you think. So the choice is ours to decide. Allow negative thoughts and dwell on them or make a determined effort to think and do something positive. Even banishing one thought is a triumph. Come here and listen to suggestions or go to a therapist to listen and practice.

If you stand up and put one foot in front of the other you have achieved a major success. Don't worry about subsequent steps until you have taken the first.

Mary

[Guest_4593]

Thank you all for your continuing support sorry to say yes iam in a very dark place at the moment. I had a particularly bad night when i posted all that and i did self harm. Than preceded to have a very difficult day at work the next day and i wish i could discuss that day with you all and have someone tell me there was a reason behind a tragic senseless tragedy but im not allowed to discuss what happens at work .
A few of you ask if i have any support or anyone around me when im feeling low the answer is no im alone in this and i quess thats why i drown myself in booze every night its a bad way of dealing with things and i will try doing better thank you all for bearing with me at this time