Hi Picture
I feel for you so much as you face so many challenges all at once, such as with
- feeling such incredible and overwhelming inner pain
- struggling to gain a perspective that can help ease the emotion in relation to the incident you cannot change
- experiencing such mental, emotional and physical exhaustion
- not being able to see the way forward, to the point where your ability to see may feel like it's 'broken' in some way or has stopped working altogether
While I wish I could offer you that which would instantly free you from how you're experiencing such overall challenge, I can only come from my own experience and what I have learned so far as a 55yo gal. I have learned that I must be kind to myself, be patient with myself and be forgiving towards myself in regard to having never faced a specific monumental challenge before. This can also include what can feel like an incredibly depressing challenge. How can we be masters of a challenge or set of challenges we've never faced before? How can we instantly understand emotions we've perhaps never felt before? I should add that while we may have faced some level of grief in the past or anger or stress, overwhelming grief, overwhelming anger and overwhelming stress can be entirely new emotions to be feeling and making greater sense of. And while we may be a brilliant visionary, when it comes to finding the way forward for ourself and/or others, how to cope with no vision/s coming in may be a challenge we've never met with. This doesn't mean our ability to see is 'broken', it may simply involve us needing to find a visionary who can see for us in the meantime. Btw, from pure feeling all the way through to pure logic, I've found it can be an enormous sliding scale where finding somewhere in between the two extremes becomes the goal. Not an easy goal to achieve by any means, that's for sure.
Personally, I've found the hardest thing to feel or sense in life would be 'Lost and alone in the dark (with no sense of direction, vision or illumination) and with barely any energy to take a step forward'. It can feel so incredibly depressing and hopeless. I'd say the greatest thing I've learned in this case is the best guide is an absolute must, someone who cannot only lead the way but help shed light on that which we just cannot see on our own. I've also found that not everyone serves as a guide. Some will serve in the way of support, such as with your husband supporting you and the kids, and others will serve specifically as guides. I hope you find much needed guidance with your psychologist and they can help bring things to light for you.❤️
