Hi Jorja
My heart goes out to you so much as you face the painful nature of people who challenge you in so many ways.
Someone once said to me 'Bullies are attracted to the most brilliant people, like moths are attracted to a light'. Brilliant or bright people can have a gentleness about them, a kindness, an open mind and so many more incredible and beautiful qualities. What I find that makes such people so truly amazing is there sensitivity, their ability to sense what so many other people can't sense. Sensitive people can sense the depressing and stressful nature of others. They can sense people being dismissive or ignorant, dismissing or ignoring the need for help. They can sense the need for positive change and when positive change is not happening. They can sense what is painful and what is wrong and they can sense or feel the nature of cruel behaviour. The list of what sensitive people can sense goes on and on.
You could say 'My ability to sense is not a fault. A bully's inability to sense (what they really need to) is perhaps their greatest fault'. While you can easily sense the need for kindness and many other things, they cannot. The truth is there is something incredibly special about you, something incredibly brilliant. Even if you can't feel it right now, it's there. Bullies, for some reason, like to dim that light or brilliance in a person.
I'm wondering whether you know any teachers, family members or other helpful people who are also deeply feeling people like you. They will be able to feel some of what you're feeling and they will want to guide you through what you're facing and struggling with. They will want to bring out your light or increase it, not dim it.
