I think I need help

[CatCLC]

I think I need help. All I can think about is how to hurt myself. I lay awake at night thinking of new ways to make myself hurt. I know it is not normal. I know I should not even be thinking about this, but I dont know how to stop. When I hurt myself, the thoughts stop for a while, but then they come back until I do something else. I dont know how to ask for help. When I try, I cant get the words out. I am terrified of what my husband would think. I have everything to lose if anyone found out.

[Sophie_M]

Hey CatCLC,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out to our community this afternoon. We understand it can be hard to post when you're feeling so low, so we are genuinely grateful you have shown your strength in reaching out. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling that you need to punish yourself, we understand that this feeling must be really overwhelming. Please know that this is a safe, non-judgemental space and our community are here to support you through this. You're not alone and there will be other members here who can relate to what you are describing. We are also currently getting in touch with you through email as we are worried about you.

We hope you know that there is always help available to you. Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have you in the past? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these urges that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support, as well as advice and referrals to help you through this.

We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) to talk through these thoughts and feelings.

Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.
 

[CatCLC]

I have never gotten help before. I dont know how to ask or what words I would even use. Its not exactly a great conversation starter "Oh Hi, I daydream of ways to end up in the ER, how bout you?" I dont understand why I do it. I just feel the need to. The only way to stop the thoughts are to act on them. It is never life threatening so it is ok, but I am just to ashamed to reach out. It is not normal to feel like this

[Sophie_M]

Hey CatCLC,

Thanks so much for getting back to us. Please know that there is no shame in reaching out for help- in fact it takes a lot of courage and bravery to do so. You've already shown just how strong you are in taking the big step of reaching out here, and we really hope that you continue to reach out to others to express these thoughts and feelings. We'd really recommend getting in touch with our Support Service, as they will be able to help talk through these concerns with you, and can assist you in finding ways to ask for help. 

You might also be interested in checking out the following resources for some suggestions and examples in asking for help:

"I know I need support, but how do I ask for it?"
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-yourself/i-know-i-need-support-but-how...

"Talk About It"
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it

We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and that you can find the courage to reach out for some extra support. Please feel free to keep checking in here to keep us updated on how you're going, throughout your journey.
 

[monkey_magic]

Hi CatCLC,

So many people write in here that have thoughts of self harm &/or act on them. You are not alone. It is more common than you might think.

You really don't have to go through it alone. You wrote that you think you need help. These lifelines are there for people like you. They've heard it all before and are trained to assist.

You can change those behaviours with some support/ advice/ help along the way, if you want to.

There are strategies to help you overcome the urges.

You could also do a search on your phone; how to overcome self harm and could get some tips and tricks from there or join a forum dedicated to those in your situation.

Like Sophie said there is no shame in reaching out, it's what we're all here for.

[Ggrand]

Hello CatCLC,

Welcome to the forums..

Sophie_M has given you some very good suggestions and phone numbers....I hope so much that you will reach out to them if you need to...

Please don’t ever be ashamed to reach out for help..You have nothing to be ashamed of... Depression is something that anyone can get..it picks you..you don’t pick it...

Its an illness, just like a broken bone, depression needs to be treated, so we can heal from it...

I’m deeply sorry your struggling with thoughts of self harm and SI..

I am so proud of you for reaching out here...That takes a lot of courage to do that...knowing and wanting you need help is a good first step..

The next step, would be to talk to your Dr..about how your feeling and the thoughts your having as well as you self harming yourself.. it hard to start off the conversation with our mental health... Just a thought here, as many people not able to voice how they are feeling sometimes shows their Dr..the first post written here...Once your Dr knows of your depression and unhealthy thoughts, they will get you on a mental health Care Plan...where professional will be able to help you towards wellness...As you know Drs are not allowed to discuss your health issues with your husband unless you give them permission to do so...

Do you think your husband wouldn’t understand how your feeling?....Maybe once he knows what your going through he will be able to support and help you better...

CatCLC, Do you have something that you like doing, that will help distract those thoughts a little...At night I listen to adult sleep stories...They are relaxing stories about different places, streams, beaches that your mind hopefully takes to as you to listen to, and has a bit of meditation, and breathing added into them..Maybe something like this will help quieter your thoughts while your trying to sleep....

CatCLC...These are just thoughts, although frightening at times.....Please try hard to remember...That you don’t need to act on them...They are just thoughts...

Please keep in touch here and let us know how your feeling/ thinking...When you’re feeling up to it..no pressure...

Sitting with you CatCLLC...your not alone lovely lady...and their are many people who will pop in from time to time to help support you through this..

My kind thoughts, and care,

Grabdy..

[CatCLC]

You sound so nice. Thank you. You have no idea how much of a relief that is.

I used to be a bit of a gym junkie. I guess it was a different sort of pain that I liked to feel. But lately I just dont have the energy to go. By the time I have finished work, played "Mums taxi" and then finished whatever else needs doing I am exhausted. I am so tired yet, sleep just wont come. It seems the only way to feel a release or to quiet my brain is to hurt. O jesus, that sounds so messed up I know but it is the truth. Whenever I am home alone my body starts shaking, my legs turn to jelly and I cant stop it.

I am a mum and a wife. I have a good career and people around me yet I feel so unbelievably alone. My husband and kids deserve so much better. I have turned into someone not even I would like. My husband would never understand. He couldnt. The thought of telling him is sickening.

I am not at risk of taking my own life, so there is no need for concern. I just needed to let someone know.

[smallwolf]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me wandering in here... When things get too overwhelming for us we may look for other ways to numb or remove that pain. I have described my problem as first world issues - it started with an email and something that a co-worker said but it was the last in a long line of the things said to me which felt like the straw that broke the camels back. I had no support - I worked from home, alone. I could only talk to my wife about it after I started to see a psychologist.

Your story will be similar to that of others - wife, mother, the taxi driver, the career, etc. I would think there are many other roles you fulfill around the home. To your children you are their provider and I sure they love you for all that you do. And you feel that whatever you do is not good enough?

Have you spoken with other mothers about their days and thoughts?

Or perhaps your own mother. Would she be understanding?

If you feel you are not able to chat with family or friends then perhaps you GP? I know Grandy suggested this also. I "know" it can be scary to talk to your partner about your thoughts. I had to tell my wife one time about my suicidal ideations. So if you allow me to ask... what makes you think your husband would not be supportive?

On sleep, have you ever looked up "sleep hygiene"? It is something both my psychologist and psychiatrist put me onto. These days, I don't drink coffee after 4pm and "empty" my mind before sleep. Before this I would wake a number of time during the night waking up about work problems.

Please don't not feel obligated to answer any of these questions.

Peace and comforting thoughts to you,

Tim

[Ggrand]

Hell Dear Cat...

You sound like you are very busy after work..and it would make you exhausted especially doing these jobs after you finished work....

I’m wondering if you could talk to your husband and ask if he could help you at all in any way..or if your children are teenagers if they could be allocated small jobs around the home as well...Is this something that you could speak to your husband about...letting him know exhausted your feeling at the end of the day..

Not that long ago...I was self harming myself...My Dr. saw it when doing my blood pressure...She told me to wear an elastic band around my wrist..and when I had the urge to sh I was to snap it against my wrist....I tried it and it does work..now I wear a beautiful beaded bracelet that I can stretch and let go when I need to....Maybe something like that would help you to not hurt yourself...in other ways..

I’m pleased to hear that you are safe...That means a lot to me...Thank you for letting us know..Having a loving husband and beautiful children around you that you love, and they love you is so precious....

I live alone...I am a widow....My children live over 7 hours drive from mine..with families of their own...They grow up so quickly...

I haven’t ever been inside a gym before...It sounds like you really enjoyed your workouts...I hope that you can get back to doing that soon...

My kind thoughts are with you dear Cat...Talk here anytime you feel up to it..even if it’s to just vent and get it out of your head...Here for you Cat, sitting quietly with you...I’m not going anywhere...

My kind thoughts and care..

Grandy..

[CatCLC]

This was a mistake.

I am fine.