I can't face anymore injustice. I'm a tragedy.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

1) I am 29 with no active payed work history. I've never wanted to be a apprentice, do a traineeship or anything in construction or the trades. I would struggle with Year 12 VCE and I couldn't be suited for University. I never wanted to work the typical industries like hospitality, sales, factory and retail. I've never known anything beyond the limited scope of conventional work and nothing of that seems suitable and desirable for me.

2) I never had a close relationship with my father. I've hated him ever since I was little, It started with him trying to make me follow his AFL football team, or he would be overbearing and verbal to my mother. He only understands himself, His selfish, arrogant, un caring, ignorant about many things. He can be devious and talk behind your back if he wants to, because if things are kept secret he won't have a guilty conscious.  He prevents me from having valid feelings and problems and sais I'm on holidays because I'm un employed. He wants a house of peace and doesn't let me talk to my mother if his bothered about the volume of his T.V.  His told my mother that I shouldn't be driving and that I don't want to work. All during high school my father was complaining to him about school feels and that I was taking days off and his friend was saying to pull me out of the only ideal private high school I could go to. I was bullied all during high school verbally and even physically degraded. I hated everyone in that school everyday for six years. Generally any issue that isn't his own problem, He just said why are you telling me for, or what does it have to do with me.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

Yep your 100% spot on. I need to dwell less and live more, not invest in what I can't change. I can only be aware of things to work around them or avoid those confronting possible experiences. We definitely need government benefits given the circumstances but even if we felt it should be the fortnight income per weekly given the expense of modern Australia, considerately that's a lot of tax for the hard working members in our community that have their own issues and actively work 40 hours a week. It's also a contradicting thought that would they care about the average person beyond themselves anyway and I know the answer still. I'm not against psychiatry for dependable unfortunate people. I'm against a reality of not having virtually voluntary rights and having egotistical shrinks that can not conceive that they can commonly misdiagnosis, that it's impossible. There was a older American saying that the difference between God and a Doctor is that God doesn't say his a Doctor.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

In my opinion the world is inherently more evil than noble, decency is marginalised and degeneracy is more the average. I believe I could make a better GP than many of the dumb ones, if I actually achieved the education. I would have more humility and I wouldn't think I am more human just for being in a fortunate admired career. People are selfish, materialistic and shallow, but their also either inconsiderate to your problems or they enjoy them. They listen to reply and not to actively understand. When anyone agrees with you it's partially or mostly but never 100%. I believe half the world would be successful, I know I could've been and that I'm supposed to basically be a musician or a comedian to some degree very easily, if the world didn't cause diminished esteem and if people were less hurdles and barriers to work around. If people were more humble and kind with humility. I don't believe psychiatrist's are experts, I believe their egotistical more so. People laugh at the truth or any unpopular opinions as being weird or crazy. The level of generic mainstream and how their the consensus of their generation. Their not just typically insecure and superficially fake from a social stand point. Their more under the ignorance of a national culture. No ones really original when they are just their own hybrid of their influences. I don't even care for the word of Google, it's often misinformation and what your told more than what's actually true. Everything and everyone's one way politically too and the wiser half is controversial. Home schooling should be normalised because high school is full of toxicity and brainless self conscious youth with social norm teachers who tell you life's black and white. Your learning fundamental basic studies and nothing of a specific interest for many that are attending, it's a narrow conventional conformist institution. The world's all about the paper of money, but it has no value when were under our tombstones. 

I am under the umbrella because I'm mistaken to be schizophrenic or psychosis, since I did my destructive mistakes many years ago. I am experiencing rare spirituality that I can't prove. The limitations of how science conceives physics can't prove my innocence. The shrinks otherwise use my articulate creativity, intelligence, sensitivity to anything to wrongly theories autism against my name. It's intolerating knowing that others laugh about me or tell me many things during the day.

My father is a horrible individual. He's self centred and only makes decisions that serve himself. His not fair or with debates or willing to do what's beneficial for others. He raises the volume of the T.V. when he disregards my problems and doesn't want me speaking to my mother. He is dishonest and lies are not bad if their not known to be. He is hypocritical with that he's dyslexic and tries reflecting that onto me from his own lack of understanding greater vocabulary. His grandiose with self importance and says to me wither I will burn the house down if I cook, wither I'm disabled or wither I shouldn't be driving. He abuses my diagnosis that I don't agree to and wants my mother to take me to my doctors.

[white knight]

Talking about qualified people that arent competent, I've built 2 houses and invented many things. Currently even at my ripe age of 68 I'm building a motorcycle trike (with roof lol) and a few of us oldies in the trike world know that we know much more than a university engineer graduate. Main reason is we learned the hard way and that included many wasted hours and expense.  So in a context of doctors I have indeed quoted a google source to a GP and they learned from that. The flip side, the positive side though, is that they often know their stuff with medications, what doesnt mix with what and so on. So you are referring to the arrogant side of psych's, that they rarefy if ever admit they misdiagnosed.  I can think of one reason- that they could face litigation for that error more so if they caused you to take the wrong meds for so long. Ever wondered why politicians dont admit wrongdoing when it comes to lives lost? Same reason.

Politics- I usuually vote for one party- the opposition. That's because no party has ever operated efficiently, no party in Govt has fulfilled all their election promises. So I have contempt for the political system overall. Subsequently, I dont take much interest in politics and that change about 20 years ago has opened up more quality of life, I'm no longer frustrated by that game playing. It typifies how I've evolved to cease the dwelling of which we talked about, dwelling can eat away at you and draw you away from what makes you laugh in this world. Discounting negative things in life, one at a time is a better process to end up with a happier quality of life. You can choose to eliminate a factor in life like politics, watching wildlife documentaries that include the killing of one animal to another (my wife and I get upset by that), soap operas etc. one at a time anytime eg as soon as a doco comes on about say, whale harvesting we change channels immediately. This is a self discipline thing to do and can improve your life. Just sort out what is not worthy of your time.

On rare occasions it is apt to act arrogant. I'll explain. If some people laugh at you for whatever reason that makes you feel inferior, then those people are not worthy of your presence. You are not in this world to education stupidity. If someone says to you details of what others are saying about you then they also arent worth your time as they are spreading rumours. You need people that will just stand up for you as their basic characteristic of loyalty. For every 20 people you contact there will be one that is worthy, hold onto them, they are your potential friends. The rest- remove them, speak civil if spoken to, be nice and leave it at that. Embrace the good ones.

You've mentioned your dad a few times. I dont know him so I cant comment much. I've suggested, if able, to one day move out, be independent but that really depends on you if its possible and so forth. Normally I'd suggest you try to find common ground or an shared interest whereby he might one day open up. but the scars are deep with your adverse experiences. Sometimes its a matter of avoidance and acceptance, in that he wont change and you have learned how not to treat others from your life with your father. 

"some people, in order to elevate themselves, find the only way is to stand on others..."

How do you spend your day? Hobbies, interests? Footy? Cricket?

TonyWK

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

As far as the politics. I understand how some get sick of the whole right wing or left wing thinking. They summaries politicians as all con artists regardless either opposition. I sort of agree to the Anchary concept. I agree with the morals and values with the Christian Bible. I think it's literal truth. I just believe it's a unrealistic standard to be that noble. I think it's also obsolete in a mainstream world that doesn't abide to it, or when other thinks it's cultist control from their rejective perspective. We're living in a world where the average person hasn't got the basic simple belief in a God or in the supernatural with anything else. Their ignorant from lacking experience. These same individuals only want evidence and not faith based off personal belief.

The world is a horrible place. Their overly interested in sex and it's typically immoral. Australia's too misogynistic, chauvinistic and sexist. Globally money is mostly more important than human life to the vain next individual. Materialism is never enough's, enough, there's always something else to need. I'm guilty of that, but I also think there's so much you can have with being a regular person. I don't aspire to be a multimillionaire. Financially I only want to leave my father permanently and have the basic needs like the internet, food, any bills covered, car maintenance, and a couple hundred dollars every few months for something enjoyable if I wait without needing instant compulsion to shop. Being rich is just nicer from the concept of not having to have any worries associated to money and to obviously have the superficiality of a nicer home, car and those types of realities. I don't actively care about any Hollywood lifestyle or overseas travels or living like a King David or any bull crap. I'd hate having a known status of success and having fake women and people wanting me or to befriend me, just to use me or having women loving me for the money and not for my heart, personality, who I am and my appearance. Australia's becoming too much of a California replica and I despise Kyle Sandilands and Jackie' O, their just such a superficial L.A. mentality and their the opposite of Australia's traditional cultural norm values, with looking against pretentious people, being modest, humble, sincere and authentic. His getting $26 million a year to have $267 million in a decades time, from my religious perspective his a greedy pagan, but his one ant of a endless similar fortunate minorities. Modern people are fake, superficial and not authentic, it's all about looks, optimism and success and all problems are for the 1940's. 

You seem super intelligent. I'm sure it's not just the old school approach that you had to adopt but it was also your autism that greatly boosts your intellectualism.

I like numerous things with my hobbies. Such as watching sport streams on Kayo. I like video games wither modern or classic, playing guitar when I feel motivated or trying to improve rather. I often waste my day in my idle anguish. I honestly want to die, I just have been the victim in too many ways. It wasn't only being bullied by the worst high school bastards, my father is not a considerate person and his socially, mentally, emotionally a prick. His sister I don't like and his friend Daniel. I've been destroyed by psychiatry in huge ways, with my image and health. I'm 29 with no opportunities, suitable direction, interest, payed work history, confidence with society. I'm too old for University and I don't have the VCE atar to be eligible or the motivated type to be disciplined to study. I only got my driving during my twenties because of Centrelink and my parents wouldn't otherwise have contributed, I would be 30 without a vehicle and licence and a worse loser. 

[white knight]

I read posts a little like your (although your life is unique as all are) and inside me I feel sad because at 26yo I had a life changing 30 minutes which flipped my views 180 degrees.

Basically I grew up in a negative household. Then while I was a prison officer (21-24yo) my brother suicided. My family's negativity increased. At 26yo I was selling insurance and was invited to a lecture, the man that gave the lecture changed my life. He was yelling and slamming his fist on the desk. "You can do anything with motivation... ANYTHING"!!

The hair stood up on my back. I'd realised that instead of going the way my brother did, I'd fight till my last breath, instead of allowing people to manipulate me, criticise me I would remove them from my sight. Instead of focussing on a roses thorn I'd be amazed at its flower. And so my life improved. Mind you my fortress needed higher walls to keep out the toxic.

I don't know if you can relate to this but it's a fundamental change some people need to turn their outlook around. 

Thoughts?

TonyWK 

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I'm tremendously sorry about your brother White Knight, my condolences.

My household was perfectly healthy and middle class. I just was always with myself in my room and doing my computer mostly, talking with mum and playing video games. It was only my father has Boomer negative traits and differences like being selfish, socially useless. He was always behind the T.V. otherwise playing golf on the weekends or drinking with his friends late. Unless he went to Collingwood Magpie footy games. He did have misogyn though and maybe 3 times in 3 decades he called mum a cow. The thing that pisses me off, even though his not telling us what to do, and it's his way of being a good father by leaving it up to us. It's just how he got $500,000 inheritance from his father when he was leaving home. He never put money aside and was saving for us since primary school for any future benefit. In comparison to myself, I never was given support to achieve my driving and only got it with Centrelink. He even told me if my twin brother needed more than five 90 minute lessons, that I would have to use my pension to pay for him. He generally says I have a allowance even if it's not money given by a immediate family member. He only gets angry with me and I haven't spoken to him since Christmas, despite living with all my family. The last three years he has been quiet with me and understandably trying to prevent me from being angry and rage.

I truthfully admit I'm needy in numerous ways, easily angered when I feel things are unfair, too hypersensitive and even I emasculate myself with that, but I also think it's beautiful from emotional intelligent value. I sadly take no responsibility for any mild actions, unless I'm apologising to my Mother, because I get socially uncomfortable with being the man to address it. I also know no one would want to face me, if I did anything. I can't take ownership over my life, since I don't want to work a apprenticeship, construction, traineeship, factory, sales, hospitality, retail. I don't have a VCE with a good ATAR but I'm not wanting University either way, despite knowing it's the ideal way to have employment security, better wages, salaries, remote commutes and something more meaningful with a selective specific interest.

I hate the psychiatrist I had to see in the hospital. I only admitted myself voluntarily because they disagreed they felt concerned. The psychiatrist was one of those pretentious, smug types and same with the psychologist. I can tell by his facial expressions he just looks through  patients as that their crazies, that's what he did to me. It's more how they find your circumstances amusing and their generally selfish. They invalidated my feelings and only wanted me to agree with them. Since I didn't agree to my diagnosis, He didn't believe me that I would continue to take my meds. So he extended me for two weeks in the psych ward and than placed me on a monthly community order that lasted 6 - 9 months if I remember correctly. While we had two weeks of a Covid 19 out break misery and we were isolated in our rooms, while barely getting 20 - 30 minutes in the courtyard one at a time, we had to wear masks the whole time, and for one of those weeks the internet was stuffed in the hospital. A Schizophrenic came running behind me and gave me a elbow but he apologised a few times. Their was another person that had bipolar and schizophrenia and in ways he was just talking about video games, until he would get racist to a African patient that I was protective of. Other than that he got angry and thought I was calling him gay. The only other patient was a older guy in his 50's that kicked the back of my chair when I was writing notes. He hated my dark humour and he rotated with wither I'm likeable or a prick.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I find it too hard to inhabit in this world for certain reasons. It's too unforgiving in many ways. For one example I'm too authentic and don't tell lies or have that nature. I know others may lie for insecurity or because their just dishonest individuals, but I've never been that way or felt attracted to doing so. I don't like any feeling of guilt. If someone asks me something I give genuine answers, Unless I'm not answering things that are my business. This already makes me a rarity amongst society. I don't have any typical narcissistic qualities like most have. 

I don't have the social norm thinking entirely because everyone just has different circumstances. I don't actively care enough to judge anyone. If my life were going well, why should I even want to waste time on bullying or any judging and I wouldn't anyway. I don't have that personality regardless. I can't tolerate anyone that's careless or how most people respond to just reply and not to understand.

I can't exist in this 21st century. I belong in the older eras. I can't deal with how superficial modern people are with their thinking to feel smug and above anyone. I despise how famous people think their better just because their universally popular and have more money. I hate any mainstream consensus to undermine unpopular views. I also dislike stereotypes and any generalisations, it's abusive to be categorised and told your any of that.

I'm too likely to be bullied as a hipster. It's happened to be many times before. To me being a hipster is a great compliment, because it literally means someone whose not wanting to be mainstream and generic, instead of wanting to just be uniquely themselves. The only issue is these people who say it to me are being with derogatory and their just hostile in some way. I can't handle any form of degenerate bullies, wither their brats, delinquents, twerps. I have always hated being in the youth because their more immature and genuinely bastards. It sadly meant I couldn't embrace being young because I was only surviving going through high school. I new since the second year I just hated everyone and the whole institution and just wanted to have the basic graduation and leave it forever. I don't think any generation was better either way.

I also have a limit to how much materialism I consume. I value quality but in a quantity limitation. The world around me cares less about meaningful conversation and kindness and their just only concerned about earning more money on top of being in circumstances where they should feel content and grateful. It's how they have this compulsion to keep buying more materialism and they never get to the point where they feel they have enough. Also how they just are so in a way that they need the best value or else nothings really great.

Sick of how too many men are misogynistic, chauvinistic and sexist and how they insight justifiable misandry. It's how they hold dysfunctional concepts on women and just tell you if your a White Knight for not liking any shaming and just for being more considerate. It's all about lower your standards, you lack experience or wither your apparently young to dumb down your intelligence or character that they hate. It's how they can openly say remarks but can't handle the same treatment, regardless if having a body, Your not wanting to fight them and anything worse is not smart.

I legitimately want no more. I merely feel to divine to be in this world. I also know that many people beyond high school can ruin your life in worse ways. It's how you get certain doctors that value their time more than being selfless, many people pursue those delicate health professions for just the money, and their not suitable hearted for the work their do. It's also too how people think they can define you in anyway if your likeable, sane, intelligent, controversial. If you can't be conservative or if your crazy for wanting to be into religion. I guess too it's how people either cause your problems or otherwise they enjoy them, laugh about them or don't care at all.

Since I believe I'm wrongly diagnosed with Schizophrenia. It's not only how I have to suffer with the health issues from the meds, but to generally be enforced on meds at all. I also have this rare spirituality, no one believes it's not psychosis and I keep getting told too much crap, It's like being alone in your room and having society connected internally all the time. I know it's uniquely the American's and I strongly dislike them for many reasons. It's too how their always giving me constant criticism. Doctors try to discriminate my intelligence based on the diagnosis, but anyone else going through a existenstial crisis isn't given the same defeatist attitude.