How do I go on ??

[Miiia]

My sister committed suicide in December 2019. It was devastating and I have been struggling so much & tonight I have been self harming to cope. I miss my sister so much. We were very close and I had 2 sisters. All of our lives we have been mentally abused by our "mother". She is a narcissistic and controlling witch who drove a wedge between each of us with a lifetime of lies. I have only just been back in touch with my younger sister after 15 years due to the lies our "mother" created. But when we fell into each others embrace, this January, we went straight back to that beautiful, close sisterly bond we have always had. It took the death of our beautiful sister to bring us together but I know she would be so happy that us "stupid bitches' are talking again. That's how we roll. My ex husband died 2 months before my sister and that was difficult to accept too as even though we were divorced, we were still very close. Now I am alone except for my two little dogs and I feel like my time is coming to an end. Being back in touch with my younger sister is wonderful and I love her so much but she has her own family to care for, she can't take me on as well, even though I know she is very worried about me. I just feel like life is not worth it anymore. My two fur babies keep me going and give me my ONLY reason to wake up each day. Sorry if I have said to much here. Just sitting here crying and listening to songs that have so much emotion behind them as I remember my sister. I don't know why I am posting this.......loneliness, desperation, sadness, devastation & wishing I could phone my sister just one more time to tell her how much I love her.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Miiia

Thank you for posting and sharing how you're feeling. We are so sorry to hear about your sister's suicide last year and that you've been self-harming to cope. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation to be going through. Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be very damaging and we understand all these feelings you are struggling with. We can hear that you are feeling very alone at the moment but we want you to know that you're not alone and there is support available. We are also checking in with you privately as we are very concerned about your well being. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgmental space and hopefully you will find the support you need here.

If you are in immediate danger, this is an emergency and you must contact triple zero (000).

You are also very welcome to contact our Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  . In moments of overwhelm and distress, you can also contact our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

It is really difficult coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. Even though it feels very bleak right now, there is always hope. You are a worthy, valuable individual and as you've mentioned you have a sister you really cares for you.

Please continue to post on the forums and update us, whenever you feel up to it.

[geoff]

Hello Miiia, I've read your thread with great sorrow and I can't tell you how sorry I feel you both to learn of your other sister's decision, my heart goes out to both of you.

15 years apart is much too long and now the love has returned, even though your mother has tried in her own ways to keep you from not seeing each other from her narcissistic and controlling ways.

Even though she has her own family doesn't stop the enjoyment, the laughs, the coffees and joining in together, these are the times that you want, they are special to you both.

Your two fur babies have a routine, they now the time to be fed, brushed and especially be patted, plus your sister's kids probably love to be with them.

Take care.

Geoff.