I don't know why I'm here

[Insignificant_other]

Hi.

I am new here and just need to get something off my chest.

I have no idea why I exist. I am 31 and there is no one in my life other than my parents who cares about me. And even they are getting sick of me. They think I'm too old to be looking to them for support but I have no one else.

Noone ever answers my messages, I reach out to lots of people but never get responses, or I get really short responses with zero effort. And I even try and keep it fun by sending funny stuff, or memories, gifs etc. Churches constantly let me down, doctors let me down, people in general just let me down and disappoint me. I've come to a point that even if someone does make plans with me I always expect them to not show up or cancel all together and that's exactly what happens. I'm just not important.

I have never been in a relationship and I don't know why. I am athletic, I play sports, I also play many instruments. I am smart and I have a sense of humour. I may not be the most attractive person but I am not hideous. I just missed something and got left behind at some point. I started study again and now I go to school with 19/20 year olds who I can't relate to.

I've tried meet ups, social groups, therapy, everything really and I just think I don't fit in anywhere. There must be something wrong with me.

So why am I even here? I believe in God and because I respect him, I would never kill myself.. but I have asked him to kill me. But he obviously doesn't want me either, because he's keeping me here like this.

What is there left to do? I've tried living for myself but it's lonely, I've tried living for others but they take me for granted. What's the point?

[Ggrand]

Hello IO..

A very warm welcome to our forums...

I am sorry I hope you don’t me shortening your name..you definitely are not insignificant....

You will definitely get replies here, once you join the forums you become a very valuable community member...and we care about you..

Well done going back to studying..it doesn’t matter if your younger or older then the other student, I think you firstly went back to study to better yourself..and I feel that comes first...

Loneliness is a horrible way to feel..I live alone am quiet elderly with no family members living any where near close to me...I am so happy that you have loving parents who care and love you..and visa versa...

Have you joined any groups that hold your interest..sports, a group that plays musical instruments?...Meeting or practicing with like minded people may lead to some friendships forming...

I often think about why are we here..living in this universe..I came to the belief that we are here to learn unconditional love and to try to do good in this world, by helping others...just my thoughts there IO...

I’m wondering if you have reached out to another Dr. after one or two have let you down...If not could I gently recommend you try another one...Maybe you’re depressed and need a professional to help you care for your mental health....It’s to hard to manage on our own..

Talk here anytime you feel up to it..Other will pop in from time to time to offer suggestions and share there live experiences...we are here for you..

My kindest and most caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[bettertomorrows]

Hi Insignificant other,

I'm so so sorry to here that has been how you've been feeling and things are kind of rough. Thank you for being so open and sharing how you've been feeling. It takes a lot of courage but thank you, and welcome to the forum. I may not have the right words and may say something wrong, please forgive me in advance.

I think you are a good friend in sending funny texts, gifs and memories to others, and I'm sorry you don't really get a response, but good on you for trying anyway! Perhaps sometimes you do make someone's day, even if you don't know it. Sometimes I feel like I am guilty of being a friend that cancels plans and doesn't really reply, but it is usually because of my personality as a shy, awkward introvert and not really because of my friends. I still appreciate their texting and I appreciate they think of me, especially when I'm having a bad day. So when you say you are insignificant, I think you do mean alot and what you do for your friends may mean alot for someone.

I'm sorry that you feel a little let down by various communities and doctors. Someone once told me that with doctors and health professionals, remember that you are a consumer of the service, and if they don't fit your needs, it's not a you thing, but a them thing, so keep looking if you feel your doctors aren't helping you. Perhaps it may also help to communicate with them regarding what you're looking for in terms of support if you're able to?

Sharing a personal take here, perhaps the reason that God doesn't want to kill you as you put it, is not because he doesn't want you. Perhaps he may see that you have the ability to bring joy to others and contribute to the world, to your community and to those around you. You have many talents as you've pointed out, and it's a great thing that you can see your worth even in the midst of all you're feeling. Perhaps God sees your worth too and he wants for you to live a happy, full life and that's why he doesn't want to take you back to him yet.

With relationships as with other things that come by in life, sometimes they come when we least expect it. A friend once told me that perhaps your other half is not ready for you yet, and that's why you haven't found them. Life does get better Insignificant other, so please hold on and take care. I'm sure many others from this lovely community will come by in a bit to say hi and offer their kind words of comfort and wisdom. Feel free to post whenever you feel like it.

Boo

[Insignificant_other]

I feel like I can't be myself. I am just whoever the person I am talking to wants me to be in that moment
My parents seem to want me to only say what they want me to say. They only want to hear the positive and not the negative. When I ring them to tell them I'm struggling they get mad at me for not being happy and then when I call them to tell them something good they assume it's something bad and ask me why I'm calling.
It shouldn't matter why I'm calling should it? If I am not free to say what I want when I want, then I'm not being myself right? I can't do it any more.. I should be allowed to be 100% myself or I just shouldn't talk at all. Because I can't be who everyone wants me to me.
I have come to the conclusion that I am broken and don't work the way I'm supposed to.
I have stopped talking to them now because of this, and now they call worried about me. They say I call too much and talk too much and then when I don't, they wonder why I'm not talking. I'm exhausted because I can't get it right.
I honestly feel like I just need to keep to myself and not talk to anyone any more because I'm not good enough I tell them I'm alive and that's it. That's all they wanna know anyway, so they can sleep at night.
I don't wanna be here any more.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Insignificant other,

Welcome to our online community. It looks like some of our lovely community members have already come by to greet you which is great. It must be tough to be feeling so alone and unsupported.

It sounds like you have a lot of positive qualities and interests that other people would find appealing. It also sounds like you've made a lot of efforts to find a social network, and we understand that it must be quite disheartening for those efforts to not pan out the way that you'd hoped. It might be worth trying some of the groups again. The people who go to them often change, and you can come across new people at any time. It can also take some time to form a connection.

We can hear that you've tried lots of types of groups, but you might consider taking a look at what support groups are available in your area. ​​​You can find information on support groups available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

You may also be interested in reading our page on “Loneliness” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/in-focus/loneliness-the-public-health-issue-we-sh...

Thanks for reaching out here. We hope that being part of our community can be of some comfort to you. We have many community members who have been in the same boat, so it may be worth scrolling through our threads to find some you relate to if you're interested.

[Insignificant_other]

I don't think I've ever felt this bad before. I've always managed to get myself up in the past and try again but I feel like I'm done. I got nothing in me any more. I feel broken.
I genuinely think that I don't belong anywhere. I don't fit into this world. And I am even cutting my parents out because they only want me to say certain things an don't fully allow me to express myself. And I can't be fake any more.

[Ggrand]

Hello IO...

Im pleased to hear back from you..

I am a parent of adult children...older then you are..and I love hearing from them..which isn’t very much..but each time I do it warms my soul...I like to know that they are happy and content with their lives...but if they are struggling that is okay too...but I feel in a way responsible for their struggling and question myself if I could have caused the negative in them from their upbringing...maybe your parents just don’t know how to handle negatively from their loving son.,,,maybe they are struggling themselves with something..idk Just my thoughts..

I am wondering if you have sat down with them and talked to them about how their making you feel when they do this to you..maybe they are not aware of how they are making you feel...Them ringing you and asking if your okay shows that they love and care for you....if they didn’t they wouldn’t ring you to check in on you....

You sound like such a beautiful person...and don’t want to cut ties with your parents, but have to because of the way they treat you...which is causing your mental health to tumble....

Do you have any mental health supporter to help you..like a professional that you can release you thoughts, feeling to..to help you pull yourself up again?..

Please hang in IO...you do belong in this world..as hard as it is to believe...we all do...it’s finding our right path to travel along...giving our love and care to those that need it along our way...

My kindest and most caring thoughts lovely IO..by just being a member of this amazing community you are helping others...who are also experiencing the same as you..you are not alone..we are here for you..when we can..with our care and support for you..

Grandy..