Hey, second time here 🙄

[DaKaM]

Hey

i posted here back in 2017.

feeling useless, tired and really just want to give up.

i posted here in 2017, feeling exactly the same although probably more now than then.

im now 46, married with an 18 yo daughter.

Still getting absolutely no where in life, I work and pay bills, that’s it. That’s all I do, nothing else.

All I now want to do is shut myself away from everyone and everything and just disappear.

I’m really done with life, I have lived the last 20 years like this and I can’t do it anymore.

I have one or two good days here and there where I can have a laugh, but that’s getting rarer and rarer.

sorry for the waffle on, just need to get it off my chest

[Sophie_M]

Hey Dakam, 

It's great to see you back on the Beyond Blue forums although we're sorry to hear life is difficult for you at the moment. We can hear that you feel life is pointless and that you haven't achieved what you want to. Would you feel comfortable telling us more about why you feel useless and that you're going nowhere? We're sorry to hear you feel this way. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.
 
In addition to this, there are always counsellors available via phone for your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include Lifeline on 13 11 14 or via webchat which you can access through the link provided: https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (The online chat is available 7pm-12am).

The Suicide Call Back Service is also available on 1300 659 467 or via webchat: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/suicide-call-back-service-onl...

Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you.  If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.
 

[Matchy69]

Hi DaKaM welcome back to the forums.I wish things had changed for you in that period away.Life can get really mundane at times especially at the moment with the covid19.It can be so hard to get the feeling of worthiness when you have lost it.I know all to well about the struggles of getting out of bed and getting through another day.Do you see much of your daughter and are you close?I have 17 y.o daughter she is just so lovely despite her special needs as well as a 9 y.o son.Makes me feel proud and I have achieved something worthwhile bringing them into world.
I hope you treat yourself to something special for yourself even just something small.
Take care,
Mark

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome back.

I have a 2 children - one 18 (daughter) and other 20 (son).

The struggle you speak of with working and paying the bills. I get that.... but in other ways also a positive that you are have and are looking after your kid(s).

Its OK to vent and waffle. Better than keeping it inside. And relapses can happen. Sucks! How did you go last time? What did you do then to get through this period?

My next statement might seen odd... you got through this period once and I am sure you can do it again

What happened? I am interested in hearing more of your story.

.

[DaKaM]

Hi,

yes I see my daughter as she still lives with us. We get along fine.

i wish I had given her a better start to life, as all her friends have been on holidays etc.....

The only holiday she has ever been on was one week at Phillip Island.

I feel I’m a bad parent as much as I try, I just can’t get anywhere

[Matchy69]

Hi DaKaMa that's great you get on well with your daughter.Your children are so precious even in their adult hood.They will always be our babies.It doesn't really matter if you don't take them on holidays.As long as you spend time and show her your love.I haven't taken my daughter on many holidays.Just spending time with my children is great.They bring me joy that I wouldn't have.
Take care,
Mark.

[DaKaM]

I was just using the holiday as an example, there’s a lot she has missed out on.

[DaKaM]

Thank you for your reply.

no I don’t have any mental health help.

i feel as everyone around me keeps moving forward, me I just stand still and fall backwards.

its got to the point where I don’t want to socialise with anyone anymore.

just fed up

[Matchy69]

Hi DaKaM I know about the struggles in life and their are many.It is hard when you feel stuck in rut and you feel your life is not going anywhere.
What things did you enjoy doing and can you get any enjoyment out of them now.
Take care,
Mark.

[DaKaM]

This rut has been the past 20 years.

i seriously don’t know what makes me happy anymore , it’s been this way for a long time.

We are a single income family, I look after my wife, daughter and now mother in law as well.

I’m just done.

i have had enough.