Help needed

[Farmer680]

Hi it’s a long story so I will keep it short as possible I am a farmer and also work in a hospital as a cleaner I have worked hard 7 days a week for 35 years, we opened our farm up to foster children so we. could teach them farm life something they would never experience ,we done it for ten years had two in permanent care one is still with us one 16 year old girl done a runner and took off and has made up false allegations against me no charges have been laid yet I went to court 2 months a go I now have to go back in four days I I am so scared can’t sleep properly sever anxiety I have never done a single thing wrong in my life have thought about suicide nearly every day I have even googled the fastest way to die,two people I worked with both committed suicide 4 years a go. I love my family and the foster child that Is still staying with us knows her twin sister is lying, I am so scared I will go to jail for something I didn’t do so suicide really is the only way out for me, who is going to believe a 57 year old man what do I do the stress is so bad it’s effecting my work.

[Farmer680]

Thank you my Daughter who is a Div one nurse was told by someone high up there is going to be a massive investigation in to Dhs and foster care association by A Current Affair They said the suicide rate has gone up for carers who have had false allegations made against them, and I know exactly how carers feel when false allegations are made against them it’s hell on earth and straight away your brain tells you the only way out is suicide, it’s alright the children get protected by child protection but who protects the carer when they have high risk children or have false allegations made against. No one you get zero support from anyone and if you commit suicide your just another person who left the earth, they will find someone else to take your place. Sorry I am trying not to get to the stage where there is no way out but leave the earth.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Farmer680,

We are sorry to hear that you continue to struggle with thoughts to end your life. We can hear how overwhelming this situation is. We would again strongly urge you to seek professional help as it is really important that you take immediate steps to keep yourself safe and well.

We hope that you can keep finding the strength to manage these difficult thoughts and also find the strength to reach out for professional support. You don't have to do this alone.

In addition to the supports we have previously mentioned, you might be interested in reac hing out to MensLine. MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

We would again strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Feel free to keep checking back in when you feel up to it - our community is here for you. 

[Ggrand]

Dear Farmer,

Please don’t consider that the only way out is suicide...because it really isn’t, she will win if you do that, and your family will be absolutely devastated...and so will we all be.....

You have such a beautiful soul, fostering these children, and also you work in a hospital as well as farming your land....

If she is hanging around the hospital, the hospital security cameras will pick her image up..that’s proof for you that she is stalking you....The police are able to get hold of the cameras and act on it....

My heart really does go out to you....Please don’t give up on you....You have done so much good and giving young children a chance in life...not many people can do that..I’m sure the courts will speak to ever foster child you have cared for and will get good reports from them...even her twin sister says she is lying...The courts should listen to these reports and work out she is lying....

Keep strong in yourself farmer...keep your hope that the courts will see through her..I mean she is the only one that has made allegations against you, and only because of a phone...I’m praying so hard that you can remain strong and hold your faith that this will all turn out the way it should...You’re innocent farmer...I believe you, why shouldn’t the courts?..

I am deeply sorry that I can’t offer you any more then a few words...I care about you dear farmer..your family loves you..Please stay strong...and talk here anytime...I have been listening here..with my care, concern and love..

Gentle and caring hugs 🤗 Dear Farmer..

Grandy..

[smallwolf]

It appears this is still a great struggle for you. I cannot imagine the thoughts you are having at the moment. I also hope you have some time to enjoy the moments. I am unfamiliar with the systems you mentioned except that I have read stories of carers in other countries who struggle when untrue allegations are made and have nowhere to turn for support. And so your story is also important and hope you will get to tell your story and changes implemented where required. Please also remember there are organisations you can call, people you can talk to, because you are worthy and valuable.

[Farmer680]

Thank you the thing is she had a mobile phone hidden from us for nearly 12 months she was charging it my shed on a charger she had then would hide it all it’s only 12 months later my wife heard it make a noise in her school bag but she kept saying she never had one but her other sister said stop lying and give it up which she did, our lawyer said by that time she was addicted to the phone then she wanted revenge so took off and never come back living with someone else spreading lies all around her school as her sister was at the same school and she was hearing it Then all over town. It was hell on earth when we had police knocking on our door searching our place,her own blood parents want nothing to do with her ever again, sorry it’s just so hard at the moment living from day to day not knowing what will happen next. It makes us sad that the organisation we gave up over ten years of our life to help them and children have chucked us and want nothing to do with us as if to say we are guilt already , carers are never protected but it’s never told in training all they do is tell you how wonderful foster caring is never the bad side, I will keep going fighting the demons I will stay strong.

[smallwolf]

Its said that you feel let down and angry at the system that you wanted to help those years ago. I know your situation is unique (not everyone will go through it) but that not knowing and in you case of what is happening or when things will be resolved sounds the worst thing to go through.

I don't know why your foster child did what she did but understand that you are not the first person to have allegations made against them - I did a google search for "foster parent accused" and "foster parent how to deal with accuse" to learn something about what you are going through.

(It could also be true she did not have full awareness of the consequences and just wanted the phone back.)

I hope you are able to find some time to look after yourself. In QLD and NT there is also Parentline you could contact, and NSW has APANSW. Similar organizations might be able to help you feel not so alone and isolated.

Tim

[Farmer680]

Hi thank you my lawyer said it’s common it happens at least twice a week some where in Australia to carers it’s nothing new, when she took off after her phone was handed to the police after what was on it few months later she contacted me and my wife back begging to come home and said sorry for making everything up and ruining your family that was the first lot of allegations but she had no intentions at all to come back she played us like a puppet on a string but the lies were unbelievable not only to us but the dhs her case worker her teachers the welfare at her school ect when we caught her out the second lot of allegations come out both lots cleared but when we said enough no more we are warn out with all the lies she then got a intervention order against me my wife and daughter , then the third lot of allegations have come forward we just want her to stop her lies and go away we have had enough, we are worn out massive stress on my family and financial stress too. Sorry it’s hard on us.

[demonblaster]

Hey Farmer and everyone ☺

Wow staggering isn't it the amount of people going through this.

It seems each time she doesn't get her way she retalliates hard.

I'm hoping it'll be in your favor as well that so many knew she was lying.

It's good you're talking here. I hope it gives you some outlet.

Always wishing for good for you all.

🍃

[Farmer680]

Thank you, I am so glad people want to actually talk about it instead of judging people who think suicide as madman, it has really opened my eyes up to the amount of suicide that’s happening in Australia it’s so sad, some days I am great then next day all I think about is. leaving this earth then I fight it and I am good again but I can see how people think there is no way out so they go a head with it. if the organisation had of told us in training about all of this we wouldn’t of done foster caring it should be made compulsory to tell people in training what can happen and does happen,the carer never gets protected all they do is get chucked like an oily rag when something goes wrong, through all this hell my family including the 17 year old child who stayed with us are closer than ever, the other sister took off she has lost out on a good life on our farm. Sorry if I rant to much.

[smallwolf]

If you find posting here helpful to you, I would ask you to continue. There is nothing worse than keeping the feelings and thoughts you have inside. People here will respond and as I have said before, are all supportive and non-judgemental. Our stories are different and many of us have an understanding of each others ups and downs at some level. Remember each day that you start to feel low, that you have made it through before.

One other thing... you are not a madman - the stresses this puts on you is not something I could comprehend.I would think you reactions would be natural for someone in your position under investigation.

In telling your story here, and be open takes courage.

A very quick story - I was getting tests done for cancer last year. It was a couple of weeks before I would find out result. The specialist told me to try to compartmentalize the thoughts and possibilities. Nothing eventuated luckily. But that waiting period for a result is difficult.

I feel your situation would be worse than that.

As I said, I hope writing in this space help you.

Tim