Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Pinned discussions

Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

Advice and plain old love

replies: 4

To all who come here, I send my love to you. I have been down this road too. Often. When the body is tired and the spirit exhausted, it is hard to continue. But I know know that my depression is a full-body thing. We can all meet plain old sadness head on if we are well. It is a natural part of life. But I have one observation for you from my experiences. I had a realisation after changing medications, that my suicidal ideations were no caused by my sadness or despair. It was the full 6-week wait for my new meds to kick in. (I could not be on the old meds and the new at the same time). It became obvious that no traumas in the world could cause such sudden grief and such black thinking; it was not logical. There was nothing more wrong with me than normal. It was my chemistry, my brain and my body that was telling me to die – not me. I waited for six weeks even though I could not stop planning my death. I survived because I realised those thoughts were not real. The doctor was right, the new meds were a better fit and were worth it. Remember, it is our whole self – muscles, bones, fluids, and neurons that are depressed. Our thoughts are just the triggered illusion of who we are. They are not permanent. I got my body right. My chemicals and muscles eventually succumbed to treatment. Now I enjoy talk therapy and love just plain old talk. Live for others, live for yourself and be patient and kind. Don’t fight your body, give it help. Let the thoughts of killing your body come and go. They are the natural expression of a system that is out of order. Slowly get stronger, don’t expect your thoughts to change on their own. When you are well, you will be able to embrace sadness then let that too pass in time. Believe me, that will be worth waiting for. I am emerging from the tunnel of darkness, and you may too if you see your GP, get the assistance you deserve, then exercise, and let your thoughts come and go as they will. They are not your master.

I truly can not see the way out

replies: 6

Things just Continue to get worse and I can not cope . I find myself just wishing for the unmentionable. Not in a way I would pursue it , I’m too cowardly for that . but I fantasize about it being taken out of my hands. Anything that involves this feeling stopping . for context . I am a parent , a sole one . I am on a low income despite working unreasonable hours . I am truly exhausted . Work home work home . There is never a reprieve . There is no option to quit because then my people stop eating . I am essentially working for nothing . All my work is for naught , my financial situation is going backwards . We live on nothing , we can afford no bonuses . Literally living so far below thr bread line . Not even being able to afford basica groceries . our situation can not improve financially . This is literally the best it gets for us and that just cripples me entirely . No house to look forward too , no future . For christs sake we can’t even look forward to a take away meal . i am existing . There is no enjoyment at all in life and I am just completely done . I am multiple chronic health issues and even of the brief chance I am not passively fantasizing about the unmentionable, my physical health is failing . It feels like some cruel cosmic joke thah I only seem to be on this earth to live in misery and in illness and pain all in one . I love my children with every fiber of me and that’s the only thing keeping me present , is knowing if I go then I’d mess up some amazing people in the process . I have NO social network , none . I am isolated and GP is well aware of this . Psychologist tells me to keep “plugging on “ I feel like nothing but a number to those too . why should I ? What the hell is is the point of being here .

How do you take the first step

replies: 7

Hi, 1st time posting however have looked at the material on the site a number of times. Have also sought practitioner help previously and talked certain things through. All advice provided matched what i knew i should do be doing. Walk, exercise, plan and structure my life, find something i enjoy to do, spend time with friends and family etc. What i seem to struggle with is taking the first step. I did bring my thoughts up with my closest mates as i wanted one of them to be the support person as suggested on the safety plan, but they then panicked and did not want to leave me alone which i definitely dont want I still think about it daily whether it is just a passing thought, a plan or reminding myself i need to make a will to ensure everything goes to my children. What is the best way to stop making excuses for not starting my exercise, or walking or planning. I want to start, i know i need to, i know i want to but i will always find something else to do. Even just stare at a wall and think of what i need to do even though i have thought or planned it a hundred times before. Any advice other than booking an appontment with someone be appreciated as i know what i need to do, i just dont seem to be able to start. Thank you.

School is so stressful I feel like I cant take it anymore.

replies: 2

I don't know how much longer I can handle going to school. I don't absorb any information in class, I always hand in my assessments late (if i hand them in at all) and I have no idea how to connect to other people in my year. I'm terrified about my future if I'm already failing this early on, even thinking about it makes me feel like throwing up. Honestly, living to find out sounds terrifying. I've always wanted to be an artist so I went to an art school but that has literally ruined art for me, I feel disgusted whenever I look at my art but I cant not do art because my whole life that's been the only thing I care about and if I don't have that then my life isn't worth living. I'm so tired all the time so I never end up doing classwork, I don't even know why I'm still here, I feel like I'm wasting my parents money but I just cant bring myself to care. I just want everything to stop. i think the only reason I haven't acted on my negitive thoughts, I'm too scared to. I cant bring myself to actually tell anyone because I don't want to be a burden. I have friends I could maybe talk to but I'm not at all close to any of them and I feel opening up about this would just push them away even more. I have no idea what to do and I'm absolutely terrified.

I need advice

replies: 2

Hi before I begin I do want to clarify I am safe. I’m struggling at the moment. I’ve been overwhelmed by this feeling of having no where to go. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone irl about this as there’s just so much going on but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to die but I can’t even see a future for myself. I keep trying to tell myself it’ll get better but I can’t see it doing so at the moment. I’m burnt out, I’m under the pump and can’t find the light at the end of the tunnel. How do I move away from this feeling? I’m starting to lose hope. Again, I am safe, just so tired. Detective S.

Suicidality, Disability & Apparent Inevitability

replies: 5

Hi, this is my first time here. I am 28, male, white, and have a litany of mental illnesses including complex post-traumatic stress disorder stemming from childhood trauma, agoraphobia that prevents me from leaving the house unassisted, a schizophrenia spectrum disorder and autism spectrum disorder. It feels like every single time I talk to a mental health professional, I leave the zoom call with a new diagnosis. I'm working on collecting the whole DSM. I want to impress upon anybody reading that although I am clearly able to express myself competently through writing, physical social interactions are near to impossible, and I have had some extremely negative experiences in public. The most notable recently was when my previous dog escaped from the house. I was able to catch her, but didn't have a lead, collar, or anything to bring her back to the house. Because this was a disruptive event, I was already overwhelmed, and beginning to experience hallucinations, extreme paranoia, etc. Eventually, I'm sitting on the footpath barefoot in my PJs with my dog in my lap, unable to carry her back to the house. I ask someone walking by if she'd mind sitting with the dog for a minute so I could go around the corner and get what I need. She looked at me and said she wasn't comfortable with it and that "that's how harm happens." Which is fair enough, but because of my mental illness, this moment cascaded into a whole event. So there I am, in the street, in unwashed four day old tracksuit pants, I haven't had a haircut in over a year, haven't shaved in almost as long, screaming at this random person about my paranoid thoughts. Let me just say that she did absolutely nothing wrong and if a creepy homeless-looking man asks you to wait alone somewhere or follow him, don't do it. With that said, I've now been in treatment for years, I take the pills, I'm on NDIS and I'm on the DSP, but I'm not improving, and these systems are not enough to survive on without a parent looking after me. It seems inevitable that I'm going to be homeless by 35 - 40, and obviously my disability is profound enough that I won't survive that. I'm unsure what to do. I feel like I should die when my caregiver does.

Can't get better

replies: 6

Just venting into an outlet where this speech may perhaps be permissible, hoping it makes me feel better and dissuades from action So sick of who I am. Nothing is for me. Not study, not work, not idleness. There is no way to find contentment, only numbing relief through intoxicants. There's no point to life without pleasure, and it is an unreasonable expectation that I should persist. The only argument is not to cause pain to people who care for you. If you retreat over enough years, cut connections, burn bridges, make yourself an unpleasant memory, no one will notice you go. I've undone so much progress towards that but I think it was a mistake. I tried to kill myself last July but couldn't follow through. Increasingly I think I should have and I hate that but how do I combat it? I just want a reprieve for a year or two so I can put something positive in motion please. I want to outgrow this

I see no point

replies: 5

Not really sure why im putting this here or if this even goes here, guess i just need to vent or something I should give some context. I recently lost my home due to my landlord wanting to sell cos the market was good, i loved where i lived and i could afford it. i looked after it and took pride in it but once there was an opportunity to make money, all that meant nothing in the end. Because the housing market is so expensive right now, i was forced to move back in with my parents. I don't have anything against my parents, but they live pretty much in the middle of nowhere far from where i was. Now im nowhere near any friends or anywhere i had even a small conection too, also living here and a gay man and a crossdresser, well, its a bad idea. At the same time i lost my home, i had just received a job offer, not anything glamorous but it was something good. I had to give that up since i couldn't find another place to live. I had been searching for decent work and i finally get it only to have it slip away in the blink of an eye. I've had a rough time with mental issues which made it hard for me to be in social settings, i was finally getting past all that, even started making a few new friends and even finding new hobby groups. it felt like for the first time i was finally getting somewhere until i had to move away from it all. I left home at 19 to try and start a life, im 30 now and i'v ended up exactly where i was with nothing to show for it. no skills, no money, no anything. I'v literally just waisted like 10 years of my life accomplishing nothing. Now i just sit in my room i barely leave only for food or to shower, there's nowhere to go or any reason for me to leave the house. So at this point, iv given up. i don't do anything, i see no reason too. I struggled to get anywhere in life only to end up exactly where i started, i don't really want to go on anymore. My parents want me around, they're the only two people i give a damn about. so once they go, this will be so much harder - , it will feel like there is even less of a point. well thats about it, guess it does feel good to finally get it out, even if it doesn't really matter anyway.

Confused about my grief

replies: 3

My son died 9 weeks ago. He is my middle child and we had a very special bond and I loved him more than life itself. He was a much loved and desperately wanted IVF baby. I’m just not understanding my grieving process. The last 2 days it is like nothing has happened or changed, I just block it all or feel nothing and carry on as normal. I feel so guilty and like I must be a monstrous human being. Have I gone into denial? How can that be possible given my previous overwhelming grief? Tonight I’m back to crying…it’s a roller coaster. His father also suicided when my son was very young-2 and a 1/2. My youngest child (different father who also has significant mental health issues) is currently in a private health clinic for their grief further complicated by their pre existing mental health issues. I think I kept trying to rescue the men I married but just made things worse. The common denominator is me. I think about ending my own life because I am a failure as a mother and a human being. And I miss my son and want to be where he is, or if he isn’t anywhere, then not feeling so useless, hopeless and in pain. But my (now) husband who is completely wonderful has been so supportive and strong I would hurt him immeasurably if I died and I don’t know if my youngest would survive. I always told my son who suicided that when he was depressed or placing himself in dangerous situations to think about me because I would be right there with him, if he died, I would too. It was like a pact. So how do I choose? I’m trapped. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, nothing makes sense to me at the moment. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Frustrated with myself my thoughts and my past

replies: 9

Hi Im feeling alone with all these thoughts, they bother me sometimes until it triggers another problem or just messes with me and makes me feel guilty. I guess I was just hoping to get things of my chest and perhaps maybe someone can relate. 2 years ago I was admitted to hospital following an attempt. I was also admitted for the same reason 1 months prior. That period was a horrible time in my life. For about 2 years leading up to this I constantly thought like that - really dark stuff. I didn’t always want to but there were stages when it was constant and relentless. I was in year 7 when I first thought of it. I was constantly worrying about going mad and the fact that it felt like I was loosing my mind. Looking back it was my OCD moving up to a much higher degree than I had previously experienced. I thought that if one of these things that I’m constantly worried about isn’t actually going to hurt anybody or me but still left me feel like this then one day I would probably do something extreme. I am safe, and studying and trying hard to move on with my life. But I know I overthink things and it’s bothering me. I worry a lot about the attempt. I heard people talk about theirs and I’ve read about it, they seem to say that really they didn’t want it. I am so happy to be alive today! But I didn't back then I felt so stupid for not getting it to work properly. I was so depressed afterwards and yet still so anxious. My voice actually seemed to go away the second time. I would speak and no one would hear what I had said. I don’t even know sometimes how many “attempts” I actually have had. As I was so desperate for what seemed like forever. Sometimes now I feel really lucky that I made it and then I think I’m silly for thinking that. Now days songs and things sometimes still get me as they remind me of pain, mental and physical from back then. But that frustrates me as I am the only one to blame for all of that. I hid symptoms, I lied constantly to everyone: I love and my mum was the one who found me. I have caused my family pain and that hurts. At the time everything I did felt like the best option I had available, but I feel I can’t complain. No one has ever really hurt me beyond the basics and I have a wonderful family.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Advice and plain old love replies: 4

I truly can not see the way out replies: 6

How do you take the first step replies: 7

School is so stressful I feel like I cant take it anymore. replies: 2

I need advice replies: 2

Suicidality, Disability & Apparent Inevitability replies: 5

Can't get better replies: 6

I see no point replies: 5

Confused about my grief replies: 3

Frustrated with myself my thoughts and my past replies: 9