Gabby

[Gabby]

Hi… I’m struggling to understand how to connect on here. So I’m going to need some help? 
Anyway, I’m an elder. I marvel that I haven’t killed myself but I’m not happy to be alive at all. 
I have no friends, two daughters who live far far away but who are in close contact over the phone. But they don’t know of my struggles anymore coz I keep them to myself—they have enough to deal with in their own hectic demanding lives. 
I look forward to the day I will die and hope it comes soon. I live completed isolated and alone and it’s not life. 
So sorry for being so negative. 

[Sophie_M]

Hello Gabby, 

Thank you so much for sharing with our community today. Posting is the first step to connecting with others on the forums, so you're well on your way to more support. 

It really sounds like connection would help so much right now. I want you to know that it's okay to need more support and to feel like life is more challenging when you don't have it. I can imagine this would all be so tough to manage on your own. If you could have any support right now, what might that look like? 

I can see you are keeping things to yourself so as not to burden your daughters. This is very considerate of you, however, you also deserve care and nurturing right now! Would you consider things like support groups or therapy at all? 

Please don't apologise for being negative, you are allowed to feel all that you are feeling. I know you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, so I wanted to add that you can access more support by calling us directly (1300 22 4636), Lifeline (13 11 14), or Suicide call back Service (1300 659 467). 

You may also find Friendline really supportive right now for a sense of connection: Home | FriendLine

I know things are very intense for you at the moment, so I won't throw too many more things at you just yet. Let's keep it simple - what is one loving thing you could do for yourself today? 💙

Looking forward to your reply, 
Sophie M. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Gabby,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums…

Im deeply sorry that you’re feeling that way…I can relate to some of your story….Im elderly, have grown children who have children and grandchildren of their own and live around 7-8 hours drive away….I rarely see them, unless I drive down to see them…which is getting to hard now with my physical health….

A number of years back, I felt like you do..not happy to be alive…I attempted to end my life and ended up in hospital for nearly 6 weeks….I felt so alone and discarded by my children, that I thought,  that was the only way to feel peace…I rarely see my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren…although my youngest child visits me for a couple of days after Christmas…sometimes not always..my daughter in law and grandson will come with him…

I live alone and a few years back completely isolated myself…not leaving my house for weeks even months sometimes….I was on JobSearch then and had to volunteer somewhere to be eligible for payment….In a way that changed my life, because I found volunteer work at a well know charity shop and after 6 maybe 7 years I’m still working there, even though, now being on aged pension for 4 years I don’t have to anymore….I’m wondering if you have thought about volunteering somewhere close to you, to help you get out of your home and meet some other people…I used to do 3 days but unfortunately due to physical issues, I’m only doing one day a week…..which on that one day, I get to socialise with the other workers and customers….Is this something that you might consider doing?

Gabby, I’m very pleased that you have joined these awesome forums…The forums have helped me so much… Many gentle people here suggested that I reach out to my Dr…and talk to them about how unhappy and sad I was all the time and how I felt about not really wanting to live….which I ended up doing…my Dr got me started on a mental health care plan….which gave me free access to a phycologist…who taught me some coping techniques to help me manage my depression/CPTD and anxiety….I would like to gently urge you to please reach out to your Dr…and talk to them about your thoughts and feeling so you can get the help you so much deserve ….

We are all here to help support you the best we can….

Sending you a very gentle caring hug 🤗….along with my kind thoughts and care..

Grandy..

[Gabby]

Hello Sophie, thank you for your beautiful response. I think a support group might be nice but I never leave the house so it would have to be online. I tried calling FriendsLine but I never got connected with anyone. I just need someone to talk to  I think. 

[Gabby]

Hello Grandy, thank you for sharing some of your story with me. I’m so grateful. I had to learn how to cope with my cptsd; extreme anxiety and major depressive disorder decades ago and I haven’t yet found a psychologist that can offer me anything more. The nearest town is 30km away and I barely sleep so I wouldn’t be very reliable as a volunteer. So I just struggle all alone every day and now I’m not coping anymore. I’ve been crying all day coz I can’t see a way out. But thank you so much for reaching out. It’s been nice to connect to other people here. 

[Sophie_M]

That's completely fair, Gabby. Maybe online is key for now? I suggest looking at the online groups through Grow to start: eGrow (online Grow Groups) - Grow - online mental health support groups

Let me know how you go - sending big hugs from afar. 🤗💙

- Sophie. 

[Gabby]

Thanks Sophie, I’ll check them out. 

[Ggrand]

Hi Gabby,

I live rural nsw…and like you the nearest town and shop is 30 kilometres away…in saying that it is a small town with nothing much to offer except Coles and Woolworths…most of the shops have closed up…still we have the charity shop, newsagent and a couple of take always…which is sad really because if anyone wants anything special they need to travel over 65 kilometres…

When I isolated myself for many weeks and months staying at home, my Dr who done Telehealth with me…organised to have a support worker come to my home for an hour every 2 weeks to just talk to me about anything I wanted to talk about…not mental health related, just whatever I wanted to talk about…more like a check in service…after I got comfortable with her, (my support worker)…she started taking me out to my Drs appointments, shopping and even out to very quiet parks for walks…It was hard, very hard at first to do these things…but became easier as time passed…You’re Dr. should be able to organise something like that for you….maybe on you’re next visit to him/her you could make some inquiries…

Gabby, Have you heard of sleep stories?…They are on you tube…just search sleep stories….I learnt about them when I was in hospital…when you lay down for sleep..put your phone on your bedside table with your preferred volume and then listen to the gentle voice of the reader as they distract your mind off any negative thoughts and help calm a chatty mind…by taking our minds to peaceful places…I find Dan Jones and Get Sleepy are my go to each night…maybe tonight you might like to give sleep stories a try….if you do please let me know how you go….no pressure at all…

Do you have any hobbies that you like doing?…or any pets?…I have 2 beautiful dogs that help me (gives me a reason) get up in the mornings….

Here for you sweetheart, when I can be  if you want to talk about anything at all…

My kindest thoughts and care Dear Gabbie..

Grandy..

[Gabby]

Hello Grandy, I just spent 20mins replying to your beautiful post but the ‘reply’ option wouldn’t work and I lost it all. My iPhone14 is only 7months old but it’s pretty crappy—crappiest Apple product I’ve had in 40yrs. Like most things everything seems to cost twice as much for half the quality these days. 
But thank you so much for your beautiful response. I will try again soon. Gabby X

[smallwolf]

Hi Gabby,

Hello and welcome.

Not sure whether you have a device other than a phone to use - some things are easier on a laptop or tablet. Anyway, I was going to suggest that you write a reply using any text editor (or word processor) and when you are done, copy and paste the entire text into your reply on Beyond Blue. That way if something happens where there is a problem with posting the reply, you have not lost the text in your editor/word processor. And you can try again.

I hope you do not mind me not reply to your other matters from your initial post... leave that to another time.