I'm almost 19 years old (F) and I have been living with GAD and MDD for a lot of my life. Last year I was diagnosed with OCD and it has gotten unbearable and I just don't know how I will live anymore. It's like living in a constant state of torture and I don't think anyone around me understand how suicidal it makes me
I cycle through OCD thoughts/themes so once I work through one worry another one begins almost instantly. I'm on antipsychotics because of how bad it gets sometimes. One of my worst themes is health OCD. I remember a few months ago I truly thought I had cancer and was in extreme fear that I was going to die soon to the point I was living my life like I only had a month left (making impulsive decisions, not caring about how much money I spent). Right now I'm in one of the most painful spirals I have ever been in and it's about teeth and gum disease.
Despite going to the dentist regularly I can't stop my compulsions of comparing my gums with pictures of healthy gums, taking photos to assess gum recession and posting on reddit and other sites for reassurance. I'm in so much pain. I keep having nightmares about my teeth falling out, I often get headaches and feel light-headed from anxiety episodes and I feel as though my life is coming to an end. I don't want to lose my teeth before I turn 30. The medication is not working anymore and I just want to end it all. I don't want this to be my life forever, being in a constant state of inflammation and exhaustion from my severe OCD and anxiety. I keep trying to hold onto hope but it's so hard
