Every moment is agony

[Bombastus]

I am a 33 Year old male in NSW.

 I just don't know what to do anymore, every ounce of joy life once had has been sucked out of it I have no family or friends. all I do is work, and when I get home I am just waiting until my next shift starts, Cost of living leaves me with nothing to the point I have budgeted to only eat three days a week and I try to keep it to workdays so I have the energy to function. The landlord has just increased the rent and my car is in such a state of disrepair it will probably fail me any day now, I won't even be able to live in it after I get evicted when they raise the rent again

I have absolutely no idea why I have to be kept alive in this hell. Why do I have to continue through this torture. has anyone found a way out of a situation like this? I'm an old man, I can't do sex work and I won't go near drugs. centrelink have told me I earn to much to be eligible for assistance, HA

I cost more to society alive, surely the resources could be better spent on valued people

[Bombastus]

I am new around here, I'm a 33 year old male from NSW

the last few years have been the worst, I have become a sort of working drone and can't find joy in anything in my free time. it all feels like such a trivial waste. My ex partner made our entire relationship about her extended family more than it was about us, I became alienated from all my friends and family.  I turned to alcohol for a while but have managed to drag myself out of it. 4 months sober now.

I find myself just being alive only to work and pay bills. My family won't speak to me anymore and my friends have all moved onwards, upwards and away from me.

drowning in bills and working full-time I can only just keep my chin above the water line.

Every day I get home from work and just kind of wait until my next shift starts, can barely manage 4 hours of continuous sleep and it's like I am a zombie most days.

Yesterday and today I have called in sick to a job I only recently started and I am anxious that it will look bad, most days when it's time to get ready for work I always have the thought I could just """catch the bus"""" so to speak.

I really want to make friends and find a way to be social, but I don't know how to introduce myself to people or manage social relationships anymore. does beyond blue do social events?

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

Firstly, well done on being sober for 4 months. The honesty and vulnerability in your post is also commendable.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult and isolating time. It's understandable to feel hopeless when basic needs like housing, food and transportation are so precarious. But you don't deserve to suffer like this. Your life has value beyond just working to pay bills.

I know it feels bleak right now, but please don't give up. You've survived 100% of your worst days so far - you have an incredible resilience within you.

I know you want to make friends etc. but can you first tell me what sort of things you like? Or liked? (I will leave the introducing yourself to the next post, if that's OK.)