Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

This space discusses suicide and self-harm. Consider limiting the time you spend here. To use the section safely, read the pinned discussion.

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Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 92

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

Sophie_M PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section
  • replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to h... View more

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. ​This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

DeltaJ My complex trauma and the ongoing pandemic
  • replies: 7

I just feel like having virtual rant here, as I don't feel safe saying it anyone in real life.. It's only been in the last couple of years that the source of most of my anxiety has been traced to complex trauma that has been slowly compounding most o... View more

I just feel like having virtual rant here, as I don't feel safe saying it anyone in real life.. It's only been in the last couple of years that the source of most of my anxiety has been traced to complex trauma that has been slowly compounding most of my life. I'm feeling in constant conflict about this, as I'm so in protection mode now, I have trouble with empathising for others, and I've always looked out for others in the past, so I feel so guilty and self absorbed and my values are really being hurt being this way. Earlier this year I had a bad experience with the health system, after already feeling traumatised by past experiences. I then had a close call with suicidal thoughts and how I was treated by the health system was the trigger. Over the last few months things have been building up again, as I have chronic health issues which need attention, but I just don't trust anyone in the system anymore who is supposed to support me in a "gentle" way. I live on my own in a regional area and don't see real people very often. The lockdowns have just about destroyed me, but even worse, part of my past trauma means I just can't wear a mask. I have feinted 8 times this year alone from mask wearing in public, to have the ambulance turn up. I have injured myself several times when hitting the deck, and just can't keep doing this. I did get a letter of sorts from the GP, and I wear a badge when I'm out now, but the social stigma, from the emotional policing of other people has me avoiding going out unless I need a bit of food. I haven't actually worn a mask for a couple of months, but felt compelled to, when visiting the GP clinic a week ago, which ended in collapse and injury. I get extremely distressed when I read of the ongoing dialog around mask wearing, and how it's a small price to pay, and the prospect of it never ending. I even almost have a panic attack when I see someone else with particularly restrictive face covering on. I'm now even more worried, as the new variant making the situation worse, and my double vax losing effectiveness. I'm also moderately immunocompromised and suffer light asthma, but I can't get an appointment for a booster around here until February. So I'm doubly worried as my efficacy time has already run out and I fear I may be at greater risk for that reason.....and because I can't wear a mask. I'm back in the mood of suicidal thoughts, and I wouldn't admit this to the local health services, as the way I've been neglected in the past means I feel safer staying away from them, and feel safer in the knowledge that I'm free to take my life if I finally decide I've had enough.

Miiia Suicide & my murdering narcissistic "mother".
  • replies: 9

My beautiful older sister committed suicide a year ago on December 27th. She sent our "mother" a skype message advising her of her intentions which was ignored until 2 days later when "mother" mentioned to my younger sister & jokingly said that "Amy"... View more

My beautiful older sister committed suicide a year ago on December 27th. She sent our "mother" a skype message advising her of her intentions which was ignored until 2 days later when "mother" mentioned to my younger sister & jokingly said that "Amy" was on "her suicide mission again", my younger sister rang "Amy" immediately but there was no response as she was already gone. All of us sisters have attempted suicide many times due to the lifetime of mental abuse from "mother". I ceased contact with her in 2014 when she rang me to tell me she was happy that my beloved father had finally succumbed to cancer, she HATED him (they divorced when I was a teenager & I stayed with him which she has always resented me for) This narcissistic self centred "woman" posts on her facebook page how much she misses her elder daughter for sympathy only. She hated "Amy" as much as she hated me. (I am NOT a friend of hers of course, her fb profile is public so she garners as much sympathy as possible from strangers) I self harm to cope & when "mother" saw my scars the last time she saw me in 2014 she told me they were disgusting and I should wear long sleeves to cover them up. I call them my survival scars. When I drink alcohol and cut, I of course cut deeper to see if I could actually succeed but I have my little fur baby that I love and would never leave behind. Right this moment (Christmas), I am sad, lonely, desperate & am caring for my little fur baby who endured surgery yesterday which she is thankfully recovering from. If she had died, I would be dead right now. My other gorgeous fur baby was sadly put to sleep a year ago yesterday, at age 16 due to illness so that is another thing to deal with along with my sisters suicide. I contemplate suicide everyday. I would have my little fur baby put to sleep first as I would never leave her behind. Life is not worth living. At this time of the year it is worse. No money to buy food so I eat toast or cereal (being on disability & paying $440 a week in rent is not feasible & I will be homeless or dead within 6 months.) How can I take food hampers from families with children who need help more than I do. Life is too hard & not being here is easier.

dopamine my mother
  • replies: 2

my mother and i have quite a "rough" relationship. we are immigrants from east asia btw, my parents are divorced and i have a younger sister, my dad lives in china and my mother lives with me in australia. ive been told countless times throughout the... View more

my mother and i have quite a "rough" relationship. we are immigrants from east asia btw, my parents are divorced and i have a younger sister, my dad lives in china and my mother lives with me in australia. ive been told countless times throughout the years to go back to china and live with my dad, but even if i wanted to, i cant. i am a straight A student in australia, but if i was to go back to china, i would be at the bottom of the class as yall know, the education system in china is more difficult and strict. my mother is also a homophobic ( im bisexual ) and racist towards africans or natives, she also doesnt "bELieVe" in therapy or councelling. my mother also gets involved in many of my sister and i's arguments. she would often make small aggresive comments towards me or belittle me, such as: you lived with her for such a long time, dont you know what kind of person she is? but i have done nothing wrong, she would always side with my sister, and lash out at me for no reason at all. when i have a bad day or week sometimes, and i dont speak much or pick fights, she would tell me that i was ruining the mood or making others unhappy. but when shes in a bad mood, she lashes out at everyone and gets mad over the smallest of things, as well as threatening me for no reason at all. there is so much more to this, years of verbal and sometimes physical abuse just gets built up, i have suicidal episodes sometimes, but i just make myself squeeze my blanket really hard, i also have several other disorders. i have thought about this for some time and the cause of my disorders are probably from my mother. i dont know what to do, im on holidays for 2 months and i cant take anymore of this. i just want to kill myself.

Bbydoll Sick and tired of being sick
  • replies: 207

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that a... View more

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards. I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this. I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day. I don't want to live like this anymore.

Midget64 Starting over and then she screws up again
  • replies: 6

Thread: Starting over and then she screws up again Post: Hi it seems to be a cycle that is never going to end. My son is so angry with me right now and although I have earned it, I still tried to message him to let him know I care only to be messaged... View more

Thread: Starting over and then she screws up again Post: Hi it seems to be a cycle that is never going to end. My son is so angry with me right now and although I have earned it, I still tried to message him to let him know I care only to be messaged by his gf to stop. Then I get into an argument with my brother who is supporting him. Don't get me wrong, I m happy to know he has some help with all of this but it's making me feel like I should have just finished what I started. The pain is excruciating to know how much he hates me and to know I'll lose my granddaughter too. How do I get past this ability I have to piss everyone off. Do I just stop talking to everyone?

Guest_1573 55 Years Old And Feel My Life Is Over
  • replies: 17

I am almost 55 with a 17 year old son. He is addicted to gaming. I have now become addicted to alcohol as the debacles that ensue with his truancy/rubbish reports etc have made me suicidal and alcohol takes the edge off. I won't bore everyone and I c... View more

I am almost 55 with a 17 year old son. He is addicted to gaming. I have now become addicted to alcohol as the debacles that ensue with his truancy/rubbish reports etc have made me suicidal and alcohol takes the edge off. I won't bore everyone and I can promise you that he has serious consequences. Which fall on deaf ears. This is actually about ME. How over the last 17 years since I left his violent useless father I have been crucified on a daily basis. By the ex, his family...but more so by my own SON. Who is incredibly spoilt and entitled. I am besides myself and I have no reason to continue as nothing will change! I begged his father to take him for a week but he took him for one day. I am ill...mentally and physically and I just don't know what to do anymore. Believe me... I have done EVERYTHING recommended/advised...all to no avail. I rang Lifeline on Friday as I was very close to finishing this horrible life . She managed to talk me down. I do not want to die. But I cannot live like this anymore. I have NOTHING to look forward to other than more of the same. I just want to sleep all the time as I have nice dreams...well maybe not always nice but they are far more interesting than this one dimension hell I call life. I have zero motivation to do anything. Other than drink as that takes a lot of this away. I almost hope I die from my bad habits as I can't suicide..... Anyone else have awful teenagers and no support...? To think of what I went through to have this monster....:( breaks my heart. And yes...I do love him....but I also hate him right now.

Tavvy Tired of fighting
  • replies: 4

Keep getting kick in guts when trying to get help. Low iron and blood count = me and my GP figthing for 6 month's to get an iron infusion. Which nearly end up needing a blood transfusion. All the time my depression start going into full swing. My GP ... View more

Keep getting kick in guts when trying to get help. Low iron and blood count = me and my GP figthing for 6 month's to get an iron infusion. Which nearly end up needing a blood transfusion. All the time my depression start going into full swing. My GP was hoping that with the iron and blood count back up the extreme fatigue and low movation would pick up they didn't. GP sent a referral to my local public mental health clinic. There reply was no and to find some in the private sector. I real have no engery to troll list and phone people to see if they have appointments and if the bulk bill. Cause I sure as hell have no money for gap payment or a full payments ( On DSP and have been since 1990 for mental health .) So everything falls back to me. I'm barely keeping afloat with chronic pain and Hypermobility spectrum disorder. ( HSD) and the depression part of my bipolar in full swing Have tried in the last two years to try and get NDIS to help with my mobility to get out. Was denied tried to appeal but with out a report from an OT with A functional assessment I don't have enough proof. Can't afford the report as it ranges from $5000 to $10,000. I'm on DSP so don't have the money, I have no family that could help as we no longer speak to other. ( My family only consist of my Mother and two Brother's.) I'm out of my own tools, out of spoons and out of engery. I'm not living I'm just existing and I'm over it I want to check out.

Ely_ Self harm urges and giving in
  • replies: 228

Hi, I've been fighting not to self harm more lately as the urges are happening more often. Especially the last week. I have been struggling. I'm at the point now where I want to give in to the urge. I want the numbness. I want the relief. I don't wan... View more

Hi, I've been fighting not to self harm more lately as the urges are happening more often. Especially the last week. I have been struggling. I'm at the point now where I want to give in to the urge. I want the numbness. I want the relief. I don't want to fight it anymore. I saw my abuser's daughter today and that has triggered me alot. I have PTSD and BPD. I'm trying to distract myself, have been trying mindfulness. I'm sick of not even being able to shower without wanting to hurt. I'm so ashamed. I feel weak and stupid.

___Gekota I wish I meant something
  • replies: 11

I wasn’t sure where to write this but I guess most things I feel are out of place anyway. I’ve been struggling a lot for a while . For a while I was avoiding my friends because my anxiety had overcome me and I quiet enjoyed being alone. For the past ... View more

I wasn’t sure where to write this but I guess most things I feel are out of place anyway. I’ve been struggling a lot for a while . For a while I was avoiding my friends because my anxiety had overcome me and I quiet enjoyed being alone. For the past few weeks I guess I’ve been interacting a bit more but there’s so many stuff pumping through my brain that I can’t fully escape I can’t be better for them and I’ve let that full us apart. I found out yesterday one of my friends who I used to be incredibly close to and is such an amazingly wonderful being, is dating someone. I was incredibly happy that she is happier now and I had assumed she was dating this person for a while. But for some reason it also made me very upset, not because I liked her romantically but I guess I felt a jealous, not of her relationship but I saw her texting them and she looked so happy and beautiful and all I could think was “remember when your texts would make her smile” for some reason that got over me and I had an anxiety attack and a huge wave of depression resulting in some bad thoughts and relapse of self-harm also partly because I was misgendered a lot that night and feeling very dysphoric. I really hate myself and I feel like everyone hates me and everything I do is bad and ruins everything. I just wish I meant something to someone like I used to, I wish a was a friend people liked and smiled with and couldn’t wait to her a reply from but now I’m just there but I’m not really anywhere at all. What is wrong with me and how can I fix myself? please help me.

Ryan2021 Content with life.
  • replies: 6

Does anyone else ever feel like their life has peaked already? I am in my late 30s. I have some amazing memories of stuff I have done. So many dreams I had of things I wanted to do with my life, I have crossed them off. Things that I can never better... View more

Does anyone else ever feel like their life has peaked already? I am in my late 30s. I have some amazing memories of stuff I have done. So many dreams I had of things I wanted to do with my life, I have crossed them off. Things that I can never better. I bought a house, sold it, bought a car, paid it off in half the time of the loan. I lived to travel. I would work hard, save up, go travel. Come back broke and start again. Always planning the next one. Covid has changed me, no travel, my long distance relationship ended with the girl I was madly in love with. Couldn't see her for 16 months and I was already struggling with that. Before I was always so happy in life and never had bad days. I never understood about mental health issues because I thought life was amazing. And more-so when I came back from overseas when I first got together with my girlfriend. I got lots of comments from people about how happy I was. Slowly it ground away at me and now it's rare I have a happy day. Just go to work, get paid. Get tired, go home and sleep... I put that fake persona on for work pretending I am always in a great mood to serve customers.... All For what? I'm not taking the vaccine, too many reactions and people getting sick from it... which aren't being reported, only "it's good take it everyone go get it" I don't trust the government and the forcing of people to take it to keep jobs etc. It isn't tested enough for me. If everyone getting it is still alive in 1 or 2 years then I might consider it.... But I don't know if I want to stick around that long. I'm currently on a medical exemption of 6 months. So I can work and travel for 6 months. I am saving money. After it ends I probably can't work, can't travel so won't have much left. Will have to go back to my parents house and just be a burdon on them because I can't work and have my own place. And don't really want to because they were against the vaccine too but then suddenly changed and went and got it like they were brainwashed into it. Now are trying to tell me to get it so it want be a comfortable place to live anyway I have done so many great things and don't really have any further plans for my life than maybe get married. But that also isn't seeming likely. I am starting to feel like it might be better to just end it on my terms instead of getting old and slowly falling apart. I am happy with my past and I am content with my life. Still 6 months to try and do a few more things! After that who knows