i don't look forward to anything anymore

[pat-i-l]

i continue to find that i don't look forward to anything anymore. for some reason i continue to put things in place that i think i enjoy doing but then realise that i don't like doing this activity that i maybe used to enjoy and ultimately end up hating myself more after. i always think to myself why do i bother with anything and i think its because i'll continue to try to help myself, but i am worried that i will give up all hope and put myself in a much darker spot. 

recently i went away for four months, over that time i still felt like i didn't want to be around. although goods things would be happening to me and i would know that and appreciate it. i found myself holding onto the the negatives that popped up. using these, i guess small negatives to propel my overall feeling of not wanting to be around. 

i will go away again for a similar amount of time soon and keep thinking to myself why am i even bothering. 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome...

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with finding enjoyment and meaning. There was a long time I felt I had 2 level ... 0 and 1. Going to the football was a '1' (roughly speaking) and after the game dropped back to 0. So it's understandable to feel discouraged...

It's OK that some activities you used to enjoy no longer bring you happiness.

Here are some things that helped me since I started getting help...

• Focus on the small positives when you can, even if the negatives feel more prominent. Appreciate the good moments and successes, however minor they may seem.
• Do you have any support? For example, speaking to a counselor or therapist. They can help provide tools and perspective to work through the lack of enjoyment and negative thought patterns.
• Be compassionate with yourself. Healing and finding meaning takes time. Progress isn't linear. Keep taking small steps forward when you can.

These may or may not work for you. Hopefully some part might resonate with you. Listening if you want to chat more...